Personal Reponsibility

[AKA_Copper]

Through understanding *** culture, we learn that autonomy is a lie the world tells us to make us feel safe.

It shouldn't be the case that victims/potential victims should change our behaviour to protect ourselves/attempt to ensure our safety.

Perpetrators of *** culture should be able to control themselves and not behave in a way which is abusive towards others.

It would be lovely to live a life where we can live carefree and yet, we (sub)consciously sacrifice our freedom and opportunties to stay safe. Because that is our reality.

Some seem to be in absolute denial that such considerations are made. I suspect it's those same individuals who make up the Personal Reponsibilty Crowd. You know the ones, they shout about personal responsbility but really what they're doing is dealing in blame.
Nevertheless, we all take our Personal Responsbility seriously, here are a just few of the things that I have changed about the way I do things over the years and the reasons why.

I'm sure others will add theirs in the comments too.

1. Let's start with the mundane task of walking the dogs.
I live less than 30m from a field from which I can walk a nice 6k circuit back home. Due to being verbally ***ed by a male in the field next to the one I live, less than 1/2 a mile from my home which I could see, for literally walking the dogs, I now walk the first and last mile on the high st. It's still a nice walk. It's just not as nice as it could be. This was reported to the Police who took no action. Before I started to use the high st, I wore a Pro Go. The guy complained to the Police. I was told by the Police to wear a camera was not appropriate and a breach of this individuals privacy. I've since learnt that I'm not the first person to have experienced this. The guy himself is friends with the local Constabularys Chief Inspector. He's also well known to Police for the various anti social behaviours he exhibits towards others.
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2. Having been stalked and harrassed daily for a period of months during which I received abusive phone calls/emails (which were so crude the IT system blocked and redacted them before they way their way to me) by the son of a couple I was working with in a professional capacity. I started driving a different route home from the office each evening. I work in a different county now and I still do this. Again, the Police NFA'd the report.
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3. This behaviour is due to two incidents.  The first, I locked in a property and threatened with a fire arm by a drug runner who was cuckoo-ing the individual I was working with. The second, I had to lock myself and another adult I was working with in his bedsit barricading the door til Police turned up due to a male on a rampage with a machete in the property. I now ensure that every time I enter someones home in the line of work, I'm the person who shuts the door ensuring its not locked and checking the lock mechanism. I scan the room looking for each escape route and I ensure that there is no one between me and the closest exit. For the latter incident, the Police were kind enough to accompany me in/out of the property and remain with me for as long as I needed to be there the nest time I went.

NB: I'm in a helping profession and before you suggest that I/my colleagues should have knowledge of which properties are dodgy. The ones we know about never are. It's the ones we don't. Case in point, I've recently been to a property in which I thought the biggest issue were flea's. It was only when I was visitng someone else on the same road and that person commented that the Police were always on the estate and at said property that I called them and was told that the risks at the address were so great that they never attended with less than two units. Most weeks I do 6+ visits. I can't call the Police for each one. It's time consuming, unethical and a potential data breach.
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4. Having been out with a group of male friends in my 20's one of whom spiked my drink resulting in the door staff who I thankfully knew well, placing me in a taxi to get me home safely. According to my housemate, I was home in under an hour of leaving and pretty out of it. I have no memory of the evening after leaving the house.
If I'm now going to a bar/pub, I'll order my own drinks. I won't go in for rounds regardless of who I'm with. I don't let go of my drink even to go to the toilet. If I forget, I'll leave it and get a new one.

5. I spoke with someone daily on the phone etc for 5months (during covid lockdowns) planning a meet, during which there would be no kink. Nothing in those interactions gave me cause for concern until, hours before that meet he calls asking if he should bring a spreader bar and a paddle. I'll now only ever meet some from the world of kink at a munch where I'm familiar with other people.
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6. I also now check what people's own meaning of consent is having recently been told "consent is difficult when people have been drinking"

7. If I'm going on a date. I'll call the bar beforehand and check that they have an Ask Angela protocol. I'll google map and check the area. I'll do a drive over and check the parking area noting the location of the entrance to the facility and the position of the lighting and camera's. All of the things in point 4 are also in play.
If I'm not driving I'll book a cab to save me standing at the taxi rank. On the way from the bar to the cab/my car, I'll have my keys between my fingers just in case. Even though I competent in martial arts.
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8. I will never walk to/from a pub even in the rural (boring) village I live in. This stems from a friend and I being followed for a good 15mins by two men whilst on a night out in Ibiza (we lived there at the time). It was clear that we were being followed from the chat we could hear them having between themselves about us and the fact that in effort to lose them we veered away from the main bar/club area and into the residential area (not hotels). We ended up hiding behind an industrial sized bin.
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9. I will not knowingly socialise with anyone who misuses substances or I suspect of doing the same. I won't share the rationale for that one.
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10. I haven't used public transport since I saw the guy knocking one out in the seat parallel to mine. If the car needs a service, I'll book early to ensure I get a courtesy car, or I wait in the visitor area. If there are people in the visiting area, I'll tend to go over to the sales team and chat about the new models despite not having an intention to purchase.
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11. How about the adult judo instructor telling me that I had "child bearing hips" when I was aged 15yrs old?
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12. How about the male worker at the sports centre who would, every week, come into the female changing room after I'd finished training to 'clean' knowing I'd be the only person in there as the room was directly opposite the reception desk? To the point that I refused to change before/after training anywhere other than home and would have to ask my mother to pull the car over on the way home so I could *** on the side of the road not wanting to use the facilities in said changing rooms?
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13. Or how about the male teacher who whilst on a French exchange aged 13yrs groped my arse at the disco on the final night?

14. Or the 'highly respected' male organiser of a tour of Dutch zoo's who managed last minute to ensure that whilst all the lads were tucked up in their hotel rooms, us 3 women were in one of the 'lodges' outside conveniently next to his which even more conveniently had no heating which meant he 'had' to bunk up with us?

These are just a few examples and are by no means all. They aren't even what I consider particularly extreme but, they are enough to make me cautious and change the way I live.

I am not entertaining negative comments on here. This is not man bashing. It is not saying all men are anything. It is an attempt to demonstrate how I try to keep myself safe because of some men. It's an attempt at educating. We can talk about *** culture and gender inequlity all we want but unless we take action, nothing will change. So, any negativity will be reported. If you want to be salty, put that energy into something that's actually productive. You're wasting your time and mine by commenting. I am not mad or angry with anyone.

[FETMOD-KF]

as a little mod note

firstly - a big thank you to CopperKnob for sharing her experiences. I appreciate this cannot be easy, either at the time or going through this now.

For everyone else. This is a pre-emptive warning to keep things civil.  This includes any moans of 'men bashing' or 'not all men' or other things to that effect. We let this post through because it is clearly not the intent of this post.

[ge****]

Indeed thanks for sharing CK and it's shocking that in this so called enlightened and equal age that you and many others still have to feel this way - and take those safeguards. Not because they are isolated incidents, but because they happen with such frequency and to so many.
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Those are just your experiences, now multiply that by all the women who have experienced similar and worse and that will be most women and it really does highlight just how big a problem is faced and how far we still have to go.

[Catsailor69]

CK, I hope you are alright and that nothing has happened to you immediately to prompt your posting this forum post.
Yes, being honorable, learning when, how and to have consideration for others is something that we can all take a sincere look at ourselves about.
Thank you for bravely sharing your own experiences with all of us to remind us to be considerate and respectful about our own actions and behaviors. I find it most unfortunate that we have this in our society. It does seem to have become more commonplace and being the father of a daughter, I have calmed her and gone to be of help to her for some of the things that you have mentioned.
It’s not right that women still have predators who feel entitled to do what they do. To those that perpetrate these acts, they earn their dishonorable and despicable reputations individually.
Be strong, be smart and unfortunately, be cautious. It just seems to be becoming the new norm for real things these days.

[ey****]

firstly - I'm of course sorry any of this would happen to anyone

I personally hate the term 'personal responsibility' and I will say why - it's often a misused term, especially, in kink

That every now and then something will happen in kink. A play scene go wrong, someone deliberately overstepping boundaries, questionable consent (your point 6 is a good example.  It is "good practice" for both parties to be completely sober during negotiations, play and aftercare - the reality is, especially at some events, there might be drink or other things involved and this affects everyone's ability to give clear consent.  So agreeing to play when both sober, having a couple of drinks and then playing may be fine - or two people who know each other - blah - but certainly alcohol can influence decisions for the worse) 

And someone will talk about the thing that went wrong.

And, up will pop someone who will harp about "personal responsibility" - that the person should have.... vetted the person more (but is also the type to complain people are too hesitant to meet)... that they should have used the safeword (perhaps ignoring that they did, were gagged, or sometimes in a moment you... just... freeze...)... that they shouldn't have been drinking (ignoring that the other person played with them despite knowing that they had been drinking) or so on so forth - and it all becomes a bit 'victim blamey'

It might not even be that the person affected wanted the other person hung drawn and quartered - they might have just been saying "a bad thing happened and people need to know this type of behaviour is not OK" possibly giving the other person a benefit of the doubt.

And then someone will vet more, will drill about safewords and precautions, will be cautious about meeting for drinks... and then people will moan someone is being too cautious.... "But, I'm safe" - you know, I'm sure you are... but the last person said that also. 

[Lo****]

Thank you Copper. It’s extraordinary how many incidences happen throughout the lives of every single woman. Thank you for sharing yours. Here is a selection of mine to explain the learned behaviours and guardedness I have. 

 

I and women I know have been groped in crowded public places. This means, when I’m in this situation, I am constantly on guard and wondering, should it happen, if I will have the nerve to grab the offending hand, hold it up in the air and shout, “Whose hand is this?!”

 

I have to think carefully before I tactfully try to express my opinion to men who are airing sexist and misogynistic views because I have so often received *** and name-calling in return. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t have the energy.

 

I’m hyper-sensitive to noise outside my boat at night because I’ve several times had men shouting and banging on the sides and, on one occasion, throwing things off the roof into the canal.

 

I’ve just started work at a night shelter. I have to cycle home at 9 pm and It will be dark soon at that time. I’ve been followed home on my bike before now so I cycle fast and keep away from dark buildings where I can. I will have to work out a longer route home that doesn’t take me through the park because, as a result of the many news reports of women’s bodies found in parks, all women know you don’t go in the park after dark.

 

I worry about going into men’s houses even when I think I know them and we’ve dated more than once. This is because I once went back to the home of a man I’d dated a few times. Things got frisky, but when I refused to have sex with him, he threw me out into the snow half naked. 

 

I guard my drink like a hawk because I’ve been spiked twice. The first time I got home safe. The second time I was in the bar at my RAF base. I was upset because I’d just been dumped and I was a bit drunk and I wasn’t paying attention (and I thought I knew these guys and I felt safe there). An airman spiked my drink, took me back to his house and ***d me.

 

 I’m not looking for expressions of sympathy, please. This was hard enough to write without having to field that.

 

[Deleted Member]

My daughter was ***d and offered for over six months when she was fif***. She's twenty-one now, has made multiple *** attempts, and is a mentally wreck.

[AKA_Copper]

2 hours ago, FETMOD-KF said:

as a little mod note

firstly - a big thank you to CopperKnob for sharing her experiences. I appreciate this cannot be easy, either at the time or going through this now.

For everyone else. This is a pre-emptive warning to keep things civil.  This includes any moans of 'men bashing' or 'not all men' or other things to that effect. We let this post through because it is clearly not the intent of this post.

Likewise, I appreciate the fact that it was not an easy decision to let it through and I'm grateful for the oversight

[AKA_Copper]

2 hours ago, Catsailor69 said:

CK, I hope you are alright and that nothing has happened to you immediately to prompt your posting this forum post.
Yes, being honorable, learning when, how and to have consideration for others is something that we can all take a sincere look at ourselves about.
Thank you for bravely sharing your own experiences with all of us to remind us to be considerate and respectful about our own actions and behaviors. I find it most unfortunate that we have this in our society. It does seem to have become more commonplace and being the father of a daughter, I have calmed her and gone to be of help to her for some of the things that you have mentioned.
It’s not right that women still have predators who feel entitled to do what they do. To those that perpetrate these acts, they earn their dishonorable and despicable reputations individually.
Be strong, be smart and unfortunately, be cautious. It just seems to be becoming the new norm for real things these days.

Thank you. I don't see it as brave. It's a reality for many regardlrss of gender. It just so happens that I'm a women and all of the above were experienced at the hands of men.
I think it's important that, if we're to strive for political, economical and social equality that these conversations are ongoing

[AKA_Copper]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

firstly - I'm of course sorry any of this would happen to anyone

I personally hate the term 'personal responsibility' and I will say why - it's often a misused term, especially, in kink

That every now and then something will happen in kink. A play scene go wrong, someone deliberately overstepping boundaries, questionable consent (your point 6 is a good example.  It is "good practice" for both parties to be completely sober during negotiations, play and aftercare - the reality is, especially at some events, there might be drink or other things involved and this affects everyone's ability to give clear consent.  So agreeing to play when both sober, having a couple of drinks and then playing may be fine - or two people who know each other - blah - but certainly alcohol can influence decisions for the worse) 

And someone will talk about the thing that went wrong.

And, up will pop someone who will harp about "personal responsibility" - that the person should have.... vetted the person more (but is also the type to complain people are too hesitant to meet)... that they should have used the safeword (perhaps ignoring that they did, were gagged, or sometimes in a moment you... just... freeze...)... that they shouldn't have been drinking (ignoring that the other person played with them despite knowing that they had been drinking) or so on so forth - and it all becomes a bit 'victim blamey'

It might not even be that the person affected wanted the other person hung drawn and quartered - they might have just been saying "a bad thing happened and people need to know this type of behaviour is not OK" possibly giving the other person a benefit of the doubt.

And then someone will vet more, will drill about safewords and precautions, will be cautious about meeting for drinks... and then people will moan someone is being too cautious.... "But, I'm safe" - you know, I'm sure you are... but the last person said that also. 

Yeah me too. The Personal Reponsibility Crowd always seem to appear after the fact and it's no more than victim blaming. Incidentally, I rarely see accounts from D-types discussing how their consent was violated only for the PRC to start with the why didn't you, you should have...
Is that a gender/power issue? I don't know, I've not given it much thought.
I won't forget my first munch. I sat at a table with others, one of which was a male D type, new to the scene. One of the organisers came over and we discussed how to keep safe in the community. The conversation was mainly directed towards myself and all the things I needed to do to remain safe. The guy, literally got "yeah you should be mindful of things too"
Interestingly, yesterday I came across a YouTube video of American students being asked what they do to avoid sexual ***. The women, all named several points. The males stood uhm-ing and ah-ing. It really brought the point home that it really isn't on their agenda when one said something along the lines of "it's not something I have to worry about being a man"

[AKA_Copper]

58 minutes ago, Lockfairy said:

Thank you Copper. It’s extraordinary how many incidences happen throughout the lives of every single woman. Thank you for sharing yours. Here is a selection of mine to explain the learned behaviours and guardedness I have. 

 

I and women I know have been groped in crowded public places. This means, when I’m in this situation, I am constantly on guard and wondering, should it happen, if I will have the nerve to grab the offending hand, hold it up in the air and shout, “Whose hand is this?!”

 

I have to think carefully before I tactfully try to express my opinion to men who are airing sexist and misogynistic views because I have so often received *** and name-calling in return. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t have the energy.

 

I’m hyper-sensitive to noise outside my boat at night because I’ve several times had men shouting and banging on the sides and, on one occasion, throwing things off the roof into the canal.

 

I’ve just started work at a night shelter. I have to cycle home at 9 pm and It will be dark soon at that time. I’ve been followed home on my bike before now so I cycle fast and keep away from dark buildings where I can. I will have to work out a longer route home that doesn’t take me through the park because, as a result of the many news reports of women’s bodies found in parks, all women know you don’t go in the park after dark.

 

I worry about going into men’s houses even when I think I know them and we’ve dated more than once. This is because I once went back to the home of a man I’d dated a few times. Things got frisky, but when I refused to have sex with him, he threw me out into the snow half naked. 

 

I guard my drink like a hawk because I’ve been spiked twice. The first time I got home safe. The second time I was in the bar at my RAF base. I was upset because I’d just been dumped and I was a bit drunk and I wasn’t paying attention (and I thought I knew these guys and I felt safe there). An airman spiked my drink, took me back to his house and ***d me.

 

 I’m not looking for expressions of sympathy, please. This was hard enough to write without having to field that.

 

Thank you for sharing. I'm glad that the Mods made this a safe space for you to feel able to do so 💜

[AKA_Copper]

43 minutes ago, Traveler said:

My daughter was ***d and offered for over six months when she was fif***. She's twenty-one now, has made multiple *** attempts, and is a mentally wreck.

I'm sorry for your daughter and I hope they have the support around them to overcome the trauma in time

[Lo****]

4 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Thank you for sharing. I'm glad that the Mods made this a safe space for you to feel able to do so 💜

Thank you. It certainly makes it easier when you know someone will be keeping an eye out for ***. Having said that, part of my brain is still going ‘What the absolute hell did you post that for!?’

But you’re right. We do have to have these conversations. I don’t think it will make a blind bit of difference to the perpetrators of acts like these, but if it can increase the awareness of allies to what is going on, maybe it’ll worth it. 

[ey****]

9 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Is that a gender/power issue? I don't know, I've not given it much thought.

one of the things I think sometimes is... there are lot of people who have made a mistake in the past and have grown from it and so get overly defensive of someone who made the same mistake they once did - I can see that, but to go through growth you also have to deal with remorse and consequences.  But there are also those who are ***ful they might make a mistake and things have big consequences then they would like for a mistake.   

So a lot of comments can come from who they can relate to the most. Have they been, or are they more likely to be the victim or the aggressor?

Also on assorted 'responsibilities' - there is often the straw argument of the *** of someone "making something up" - and it seems that the mitigation seems to be to "collect evidence" (text messages, 'contracts', etc) but of course this ignores that consent can be revoked at any time so if someone says "no" and someone else says "I have a contract" and continues - it is still ***.  For me the responsibility here is that vetting works both ways and if you are worried someone will "make something  up" or "not know what they're getting into" then it is the responsibility to vet that the person is fully aware, sober and competent before playing with them.

 

[AKA_Copper]

4 minutes ago, Lockfairy said:

Thank you. It certainly makes it easier when you know someone will be keeping an eye out for ***. Having said that, part of my brain is still going ‘What the absolute hell did you post that for!?’

But you’re right. We do have to have these conversations. I don’t think it will make a blind bit of difference to the perpetrators of acts like these, but if it can increase the awareness of allies to what is going on, maybe it’ll worth it. 

You're a stronger woman than I Lockfairy. I didn't know how this would be received which is why I didn't share everything.
And yes, we need allies of all genders if we're to bring about the change that's necessary.
Previous generations have forged the way and I'm hopefully that ours can add to it to create safer spaces for the next ones even if it's just through raising awareness

[AKA_Copper]

2 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

one of the things I think sometimes is... there are lot of people who have made a mistake in the past and have grown from it and so get overly defensive of someone who made the same mistake they once did - I can see that, but to go through growth you also have to deal with remorse and consequences.  But there are also those who are ***ful they might make a mistake and things have big consequences then they would like for a mistake.   

So a lot of comments can come from who they can relate to the most. Have they been, or are they more likely to be the victim or the aggressor?

Also on assorted 'responsibilities' - there is often the straw argument of the *** of someone "making something up" - and it seems that the mitigation seems to be to "collect evidence" (text messages, 'contracts', etc) but of course this ignores that consent can be revoked at any time so if someone says "no" and someone else says "I have a contract" and continues - it is still ***.  For me the responsibility here is that vetting works both ways and if you are worried someone will "make something  up" or "not know what they're getting into" then it is the responsibility to vet that the person is fully aware, sober and competent before playing with them.

 

But also, if we're worried that someone may may something up/don't know what their getting themselves into, should they be playing until those worries have been satisfied?

[Lo****]

1 minute ago, CopperKnob said:

You're a stronger woman than I Lockfairy. I didn't know how this would be received which is why I didn't share everything.
And yes, we need allies of all genders if we're to bring about the change that's necessary.
Previous generations have forged the way and I'm hopefully that ours can add to it to create safer spaces for the next ones even if it's just through raising awareness

I couldn’t have shared that without having yours to follow.

At the moment sometimes it feels like we’re going backwards 😔

[ey****]

Just now, CopperKnob said:

But also, if we're worried that someone may may something up/don't know what their getting themselves into, should they be playing until those worries have been satisfied?

exactly

and it might be that someone meets someone they think is amazing, attractive, etc - but have this "what if they make something up?" thing

so don't play together

keep meeting and chatting until you can be sure and confident.

[Lo****]

17 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

exactly

and it might be that someone meets someone they think is amazing, attractive, etc - but have this "what if they make something up?" thing

so don't play together

keep meeting and chatting until you can be sure and confident.

I’m thinking this all the time about pretty much everyone. Every negative experience obviously has had an impact of one sort or another, but the mental *** of my last relationship has trashed my ability to trust people. 
 

It sometimes feels like those people who complain about us having our guard up think we enjoy being this way. It couldn’t be further from the truth. I hate feeling like this. I hate keeping people at arms length for months. I want to be able to trust people. I want to not have to worry about things I do and things I say.
 

Having our collective guard up isn’t a fun way women have devised of torturing potential partners and making them feel unwanted. It’s survival.

 

 

[AKA_Copper]

18 minutes ago, Lockfairy said:

I’m thinking this all the time about pretty much everyone. Every negative experience obviously has had an impact of one sort or another, but the mental *** of my last relationship has trashed my ability to trust people. 
 

It sometimes feels like those people who complain about us having our guard up think we enjoy being this way. It couldn’t be further from the truth. I hate feeling like this. I hate keeping people at arms length for months. I want to be able to trust people. I want to not have to worry about things I do and things I say.
 

Having our collective guard up isn’t a fun way women have devised of torturing potential partners and making them feel unwanted. It’s survival.

 

 

And sometimes it means our ability to trust ourselves. Constantly questioning. Did I over react. Did I misinterpret, did I misunderstand. And, with that comes the, am I overthinking. Which lets be honest helps nothing
And it's actually none of the above because, the behaviours you and I have mentioned are so normalised/expected that when you raise them as inappropriate the response is generally "oh well, that's life". And, it is but, why is it?
And people slate the internet. We call people snowflakes or woke or simps or white knights but, if it were not for the internet, I would not have recognised these behaviours for what they were. I would still feel that these behaviours are to be expected, that I'm to blame for how some treat others. I would still be feeling the shame

[ey****]

as a side note

without wanting to be sweeping I think men in general do not take their own safety seriously enough

they feel the worst that could happen is she doesn't look like the pictures or that they'll get scammed.  

There's a Pro Domme who on her website has a section where she basically says she asks for a nominal/£50 deposit for most sessions and when people say they are worried about being scammed she points to her experience and how much more she will make if she doesn't scam you.  But, that if someone is genuinely worried she will scam them then they are right not to pay this, but she won't accept the session either - because if they don't trust her enough to not do a runner with £50 then, there's stuff in the dungeon that needs a lot more trust.  Play scenes gone wrong can lead to serious ***, and when you're tied up or down then you need the trust the person isn't going to take advantage of that (I mean, why not blindfold them, tie them down, take their bank cards, copy all the details down, place the cards back and then use or sell the details online?) 

There's been stories where I have my doubts about of men waking up in hotel rooms after passing out during face sitting to find they've been robbed.  Easy to do. Doesn't even need rope.  But worse than being robbed if they've played to the point of pass out then they have passed earlier danger signs and now have risk of brain damage.  You can get possessions back.

But if this happened - if a guy came on the forum "so I met this woman on the internet and she tied me down and robbed me" folk would be a lot more sympathetic 

[Lo****]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

And sometimes it means our ability to trust ourselves. Constantly questioning. Did I over react. Did I misinterpret, did I misunderstand. And, with that comes the, am I overthinking. Which lets be honest helps nothing
And it's actually none of the above because, the behaviours you and I have mentioned are so normalised/expected that when you raise them as inappropriate the response is generally "oh well, that's life". And, it is but, why is it?
And people slate the internet. We call people snowflakes or woke or simps or white knights but, if it were not for the internet, I would not have recognised these behaviours for what they were. I would still feel that these behaviours are to be expected, that I'm to blame for how some treat others. I would still be feeling the shame

 

Yes! It feels sometimes like everything is tuned to making us doubt ourselves. ‘You’re just being paranoid.’ He was just having a bit of fun.’ ‘Don’t take it so seriously.’

 And then …

‘Was it really *** … ?’ ‘What did you learn from it?’ What I’ve learnt is not to talk to anybody else about this, Ma’am. Years of shame. Even now, writing this, I want to delete everything I’ve already said and go and hide in case someone uses it against me.

 

And, Yes! The internet. Terrible, awful, abusive and, at the very least, a dreadful time-suck, but also … knowledge! Beautiful, fascinating, wonderful and occasionally healing knowledge!

[Deleted Member]

In another forum you said "Women did not mention the worst". You are very brave to open up!! @Lockfairy Being drugged... I am very sorry.💖 Here are two examples of what I have experienced. When I was 13, my next door neighbor (single mother) decided to "*nd" everything.  The youngest daughter survived. My *** was friends with the oldest, and played everyday. I had an ex that hit me, but never touched me after I fought back! It was a very VIOLENT fight!! With my experiences, I should be bitter with people, especially men!! Yet, I still believe there are good people, and takes time to meet them.🤗💖

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Lockfairy said:

Yes! It feels sometimes like everything is tuned to making us doubt ourselves. ‘You’re just being paranoid.’ He was just having a bit of fun.’ ‘Don’t take it so seriously.’

 And then …

‘Was it really *** … ?’ ‘What did you learn from it?’ What I’ve learnt is not to talk to anybody else about this, Ma’am. Years of shame. Even now, writing this, I want to delete everything I’ve already said and go and hide in case someone uses it against me.

 

And, Yes! The internet. Terrible, awful, abusive and, at the very least, a dreadful time-suck, but also … knowledge! Beautiful, fascinating, wonderful and occasionally healing knowledge!

We are all survivors, and showing others we can go on with life... be happy. Hearing stories, and knowing other survivors like you has helped me to stay a positive person.💖

[AKA_Copper]

9 minutes ago, kiseu said:

In another forum you said "Women did not mention the worst". You are very brave to open up!! @Lockfairy Being drugged... I am very sorry.💖 Here are two examples of what I have experienced. When I was 13, my next door neighbor (single mother) decided to "*nd" everything.  The youngest daughter survived. My *** was friends with the oldest, and played everyday. I had an ex that hit me, but never touched me after I fought back! It was a very VIOLENT fight!! With my experiences, I should be bitter with people, especially men!! Yet, I still believe there are good people, and takes time to meet them.🤗💖

There are definitely good people out there. It's just that we sometimes don't see it from the start because we're too busy protecting ourselves
Thank you for sharing 💜