Aftercare

[Deleted Member]

Would like to know how others manage sub aftercare following play. I don't yet have a sub of my own but I got lucky enough another Dom granted me permission to use his with rope play. Just curious at the moment

[typhoon2]

Unless the sub is very new or the activity is new to them then they'll have a pretty good idea what their own aftercare regime is. As with so much of kink it's all about communication. In this case, ask them how they deal with it, what the signs and timescales are, etc.

[Ch****]

The best person to ask would be the eventual person you play with.
There's hundreds of possibilities x

[Deleted Member]

I’ll give her or him a sponge bath, then rub down with a soothing salve. If they are good then I will reward them with a treat. That must eat from their dish on the floor.

[Deleted Member]

As a sub with a lot of sexual trauma, I would recommend asking them what they would like BEFORE you even get started in a scene. My partner is incredibly kind and considerate and understands that even just acting dominant around me can put me into a submissive mindset and knows that I will require aftercare. For me, my aftercare is a lot of caring words, staying close by in case of a mental block or my going non verbal and knowing that I just need to be held close to be comforted wordlessly

[ey****]

18 minutes ago, SORDIDWORLD2 said:

That must eat from their dish on the floor.

That isn't aftercare; it's continuing the play.  

[ey****]

Discussions on aftercare should be part of the scene negotiation if it's someone you have not really played with before/much

Depending on how new they are they might not know their aftercare needed - or - if they have somewhat experience they might have expectation you will have made some form of planning for it.

The aftercare needed depends on the play done.

Doing 30 minute of foot worship is gonna be totally different to 2 hours heavy thrashing, or *** play - or rope.

Part of your learning into any type of play you want to do is how it impacts the body

Something like rope is going to have restricted *** flow and the sub is likely to feel light headed - sugary snacks or drinks on hand can help put that right.   

Anything causing physical damage you may need to patch up and anything which caused subspace will leave sub light headed (see above) and will certainly give them sub drop.  Having something like a blanket or comfort item may help.

anything involving *** or *** especially if you used harsh words - after care you might want to help reassure them you don't really think they are whatever you called them.

these are really high level examples and are not exhaustive.  you can pre-empt some needs with knowledge of the play you will do - but - cycling back to the first point making a discussion on aftercare part of the scene negotiation.  

[an****]

This is not a criticism, but as just mentioned, many don’t understand play continuation versus aftercare. They objectives are very different. I was taught that aftercare was equally important for subs and taught to focus extra effort in those early years establishing patterns of dominance/care. I am curious what other were taught or have learned. I could have never learned this on my own. Subs need varying levels of aftercare and those that have truly been ***d need extra attention not just in play.

[Da****]

40 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

That isn't aftercare; it's continuing the play.  

Agreed.. learn what aftercare truly is.

[Da****]

For my she likes to have water or something to drink, snacks and affectionate cuddling... where she usually falls asleep for a nap..

[Deleted Member]

I haven't had many experiences where I've truly submitted for safety (physical or emotional). When I have, I needed a drink, to be warmed (blanket, warm towel or shirt, preferably with his scent), to be cooled (cooling cloths, fan on), and light touch or cuddles to soothe while I come down. I don't like to talk about a session immediately, but usually an hour or 2 is enough time to begin to gather my thoughts and engage in feedback.

I'd still recommend you touch base not just after the scene but the next day as well. Some may have a mental or emotional crash like shame, guilt, embarrassment the next day or 2 days after when they were fully engaged during the act.

[it****]

For me, kisses, cuddles, "I love yous," and watching YouTube in bed or on the couch is usually the go-to. One intense impact sesh comes to mind where i had to safeword, so He stopped immediately, and for aftercare, my Dom first asked if He could touch me, and once I said yes, held me close and told me what a good girl I am til I stopped crying.

[Ax****]

It's 100% dependent on the needs of the sub. The only blanket answers is have a drink, a blanket, a hairbrush, and a couch nearby. Be prepared to be told to leave them alone entirely or sit there on the couch being cried in for hours. COMMUNICATE WITH THE SUB BEFORE HAND ABOUT WHAT HER PROJECTED NEEDS WILL HE AND BE READY TO CHANGE IN THE MOMENT IF A NEW NEED IS EXPRESSED!

[Deleted Member]

I am a new sub so maybe my information is different than others. My Dom asks me before scenes what I want for aftercare which puts me in a weird position because I do not know what I will because if it more impact or ***ful scene I will need hot shower and alone time because I do not like showing *** or feeling weak in front of anyone and most scenes I like touching and kissing with praise especially if it was something that really hurt or was new or something I was so unsure of. I had failed scenes some my fault, some his fault, and some was just equipment just do not get mad in the moment or get upset at the sun, I felt so bad each time and with him getting upset and was blaming me on one of them. I just wanted to escape my skin. My Dom likes talking right after a scene especially telling me what went wrong and how to improve, I told him I can not do that because then it makes me feel like even on a good night that I have failed. We talked and said no to talking about scene until the next day unless it is something important of needing medicine for *** or specific aftercare due to xyz. Just work with your sub especially and know their basic needs especially if they go non verbal like for me when I get into too much *** I can not talk that I do not want to be touch because if I am in that much *** adding more pressure to the wrong spot especially with my disability could really hurt me. Communication is key because everyone’s aftercare is different and I know I am getting better for asking for it. At first, I thought I did not deserve aftercare due to previous vanilla relationship that after sex or whatever I had to clean myself and take care of any injuries, ***s, emotions, etc.

[TxFrank]

Pretty simple:
Communication, care, attention, protection, and interaction. After that, chocolate, lotion, soft blankets and snuggles. Fresh baked doughnuts don't hurt.

[rh****]

It really depends on the sub and their needs. A good conversation before play would be good to see what they need.

[th****]

1 cover up your sub
2 verbal assurances
3 cuddle
4 give them water
5 first aid if needed
6 stuffy if required
7 Make sure to give her an orgasm
8 discuss the event and everything that happened in details
9 next day check in

[Ch****]

3 hours ago, theJoker2 said:

1 cover up your sub
2 verbal assurances
3 cuddle
4 give them water
5 first aid if needed
6 stuffy if required
7 Make sure to give her an orgasm
8 discuss the event and everything that happened in details
9 next day check in

All of this, but remember a lot of play can be non sexual, so orgasm would need to be negotiated first.

[Mr-Brown]

Cuddles, kisses, hair strokes, fore head kisses, praise, water and snacks.

[ey****]

an orgasm would also be an example of 'continuing the play'

an orgasm - if mutually and priorly agreed - often might signal the end of play (unless you're doing any form of post orgasm ***....) 

and while it might happen after the main play; it's still part of the scene 

[Deleted Member]

Something to eat and drink, and a soothing massage with warm oil, and listen to her experience. It is important to take the time for it.

[sl****]

Cuddles a food!!!

[Sh****]

Cuddles and cafuné. Naps as well.

[bl****]

We’re all different. Ask what they prefer their aftercare be.