A Dominant's aftercare!!!

[li****]

I know aftercare is a topic that's spoken about a lot on here for the subs, but do we ever talk about aftercare for the Doms?? I know my aftercare consists of when Sir is with me of cuddles and plenty of chocolate and a good old chat of our scene that we've just finished. But then it's a few days after where I go in to my drop, so I always make sure I have my drop box ready for when Sir goes back home so in that box can contain a blanket, candle, some more chocolate. Then I get a nice hot bubble bath ready and some soothing music oh and a nice sweet cup of tea when out the bath always helps me too, I never drink alcohol when I feel a drop happening either. But do we ever think that a Dom needs just as much aftercare as us subs? I always make sure I check in with Sir when he's got back home, make sure he's ok!! We'll talk about when we're gonna see each other next and just make sure he's looking after himself. I wanna know and I'm putting this out to both Dom's and subs, how do you as Dom's deal with your own aftercare when the scene has finished when your at home that's if you don't live with your sub of course?? Subs how do you help your Sir with his aftercare, do you feel it's just as important as yours? Me personally hell yes!!!!! It's JUST as important!!!!!!! So how do you both as a dynamic/couple cope with each others aftercare? 

 

I feel a Dom's aftercare is important just as much as ours and I feel we need Dom's to talk about this more!!!

Edited May 21, 2020 by lil-monster
Added more

[Deleted Member]

I think that it's not talked about that often because dom's are in control of the situation. So, nothing usually throws them out of line, and they still control what they do.

But doms can be stressed by many things as well. Not in the same manner as subs, but still. "Wasn't I too harsh?", "I did better last time, why did it feel so meh today?" Doms have responsibility to drive the scene, so sometimes, they might be self-conscious about their performance.

I myself rarely feel a lack in my performance. When I do, it's only short-time, and passes by itself. My interactions are only through text and imagination, so I have literally an omnipotent control over the scene. So, I don't need any aftercare. But others might be different.

[Deleted Member]

I think Dom drop is definitely a thing. Though I don’t think it happens necessarily after a session as that aftercare is still controlled by the D though I do find it very relaxing and important for me as well as you. It’s when I have to leave and come home that it can hit. I deal with it by always having a date set for our next meet . Constant communication and checking in on each other. I’ll maybe design a new rope tie for the next meet, I’ll play music, do some woodwork, basically do things I enjoy and I find relaxing . Usually we don’t go longer than a couple of weeks before meeting up again so by doing the things I enjoy for the first few days means that before I know it we are counting down the days again until we are together again. One last thing. We never have an impact session on the last day of my visit as I don’t like to leave you after such an intense play. So the last day will probably be some shibari that we both enjoy and find relaxing. It’s a gentle way of slowly coming down from days of more intense sessions and I’m sure is a good way for avoiding drop.

Edited May 21, 2020 by Deleted Member
Adding text

[Deleted Member]

Of course Doms could feel a bit down after a session as it’s very physical, intense and emotionally high. After few hours back home or maybe back at work I am busing high. It’s later on or maybe a day later that I feel the emptiness kick in. It’s like a drug, I do usually eat more sweet stuff. Maybe I should cut a part of my sub to chew on while I am off 🐺😈

[Deleted Member]

I feel, as a after-care dom, that aftercare for a sub is just as important as for a dom. There always be a balance between both dom and sub when it comes to aftercare. A dom and sub should always discuss these things and have a understanding of both the needs as well as the aftercare needs

[li****]

9 hours ago, Liam52 said:

I think Dom drop is definitely a thing. Though I don’t think it happens necessarily after a session as that aftercare is still controlled by the D though I do find it very relaxing and important for me as well as you. It’s when I have to leave and come home that it can hit. I deal with it by always having a date set for our next meet . Constant communication and checking in on each other. I’ll maybe design a new rope tie for the next meet, I’ll play music, do some woodwork, basically do things I enjoy and I find relaxing . Usually we don’t go longer than a couple of weeks before meeting up again so by doing the things I enjoy for the first few days means that before I know it we are counting down the days again until we are together again. One last thing. We never have an impact session on the last day of my visit as I don’t like to leave you after such an intense play. So the last day will probably be some shibari that we both enjoy and find relaxing. It’s a gentle way of slowly coming down from days of more intense sessions and I’m sure is a good way for avoiding drop.

I agree Sir on the no intense play on your last day with me, and I know it hits you hard when your back home. It's been hard recently not seeing each other and I think this is the longest we've gone without, so I feel drop has even happened now without no play ect because of not being able to see you strange as that may be. 

 

[li****]

8 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

Of course Doms could feel a bit down after a session as it’s very physical, intense and emotionally high. After few hours back home or maybe back at work I am busing high. It’s later on or maybe a day later that I feel the emptiness kick in. It’s like a drug, I do usually eat more sweet stuff. Maybe I should cut a part of my sub to chew on while I am off 🐺😈

Lol sweet stuff does always help I make sure I have plenty of it when I know my Sir is coming up to visit. 

[li****]

6 hours ago, macon693 said:

I feel, as a after-care dom, that aftercare for a sub is just as important as for a dom. There always be a balance between both dom and sub when it comes to aftercare. A dom and sub should always discuss these things and have a understanding of both the needs as well as the aftercare needs

Aftercare is very important for both definitely I just think a Dom's aftercare just gets overlooked more than a subs. But yes I agree aftercare and your needs are always something that should be discussed when getting in to a dynamic with someone as many won't want or need it.

[ey****]

I think this is something that always need considered that a Dominant is largely responsible for their subs aftercare *and* their own.

But, I think a lot can be looked at.  

I've seen Dominants who've pretty much swiped at subs for needing aftercare or "shouldn't you be looking after us" which I wildly disagree with.   I think in good bonded relationships there's ways where the two can look after each others needs.   Especially as both learn what their own needs are.

I guess it's important that the sub should appreciate they're not the only ones with needs - but this shouldn't be used to dismiss subs needs.

[li****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I think this is something that always need considered that a Dominant is largely responsible for their subs aftercare *and* their own.

But, I think a lot can be looked at.  

I've seen Dominants who've pretty much swiped at subs for needing aftercare or "shouldn't you be looking after us" which I wildly disagree with.   I think in good bonded relationships there's ways where the two can look after each others needs.   Especially as both learn what their own needs are.

I guess it's important that the sub should appreciate they're not the only ones with needs - but this shouldn't be used to dismiss subs needs.

Of course I feel it's always something that should be spoken about at the beginning of a dynamic, and I definitely appreciate the Dom needs just as much aftercare as us subs for sure. I think the Dom's that think subs don't need aftercare are shocking yes some subs might not want or need it or can give themselves aftercare and like to be left alone after a scene but that of course again comes down to communication at the beginning of a dynamic ect. And of course the Dom's who dismiss the subs aftercare cause they think they need it more but again it's a balance of both needing and knowing what you want ect.

[Su****]

Hmm, well in some cases aftercare can be as simple as getting some alone time or just some time together after our intimacy time. I know for me I don't like having after care done to me from my Sub and would much rather do it myself if I can. But, occasionally if they ask nicely and I see that it would make them more happy I will definitely allow it. Thank you for bringing this topic up by the way, I have never really thought about aftercare for Dom's till now. 😊

[li****]

54 minutes ago, Sunekoi-Sai said:

Thank you for bringing this topic up by the way, I have never really thought about aftercare for Dom's till now. 😊

Thank you ☺️ I definitely felt it was a topic that needed to be brought up as like I say we always talk about subs needs ect it's nice to learn about the Dom's also.

Edited May 22, 2020 by lil-monster

[ThinkingNaughty]

No matter who or what we are we all need a little care. However, as a dom I think it is safe to safe that most of us don't need to be taken care of, the only thing we might benefit from is the support of our subs. It could be something as simple as feedback, downtime, or bask in the aftermath of your experience.

To put it simply to a sub reading this I would say: just be there for us and we'll let you know what we need.

[cautiousswitch]

Because safety is an issue it is easy to think physical care when thinking aftercare and discount the top's need for it.  Things that some tops need after a session are:

-Reassurance that the bottom enjoyed the time and weren't just blindly following.

-Reassurance that the bottom is physically all right.

-Human treatment.  It is as easy for the bottom to treat the top as a means to an end as it is for the bottom to be objectified.  The bottom should check to see that the top enjoyed themself.

-All the physical stuff.  Cuddles aren't just for a top to let the bottom know they are loved.

-Other talk.  Repeating the same, "are you all right," "did you have a good time," etc. after a session can get to be meaningless if that is all that is said.  If the relationship is more than just kink then talk about other aspects of your lives. 

 

[Th****]

Over the years that I have been in the lifestyle the definition of Dom Drop has changed... 

Dom Drop used to describe the point when a Dominant created so many rules that they ended up losing the actual control of the dynamic as was regulated by their own rules and they just became the enforcer.  I do not think this even has a word now... Any suggestions?

 

Saying that I do like the new usage, of course we all have our Dom Space and that is a definite state of hyper focus. As a Dominant you are not only controlling play, feeling intense sensations and emotions but also you are in control in a way that is not acceptable in normal society. Personally I agree with all of the following.

On 5/23/2020 at 1:54 AM, cautiousswitch said:

-Reassurance that the bottom enjoyed the time and weren't just blindly following.

-Reassurance that the bottom is physically all right.

-Human treatment.  It is as easy for the bottom to treat the top as a means to an end as it is for the bottom to be objectified.  The bottom should check to see that the top enjoyed themself.

-All the physical stuff.  Cuddles aren't just for a top to let the bottom know they are loved.

-Other talk.  Repeating the same, "are you all right," "did you have a good time," etc. after a session can get to be meaningless if that is all that is said.  If the relationship is more than just kink then talk about other aspects of your lives. 

I can only speak for myself but I certainly am a far nearer to my normal self after giving my submissive aftercare. For me it is a care that runs two ways even if the submissive is not saying anything. It grounds me and reminds me humbly what is really important.