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Some questions about feelings


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Me and my partner did some spanking, choking and bondage for the first time recently. Although I've never done anything like that before, everything went well and we both enjoyed it very much.

Before I proceed I must tell that she made some mistakes in the past (not related to bdsm or sex at all) and sometimes I still feel hurt, but I love her.

During some random conversation we were having about what we like/deslike in sex I ended up saying that for a few seconds while hiting her I thought about those things she did that made me upset, but that was not what made me spank her, specially since she was the one that asked with clear words for that.

She said now she feels confused because she does feel guilty and feels like she must be punished for the things she did, and she enjoyed being spanked and everything else, but at the same time she fears it because of that real feeling of guilty she might let me treat her badly outside a bdsm scene just because she feels guilty. I'm also confused now since at times I did hit her harder thinking of it as a punishment for specific things she did in the past. 

How do I resolve this? Are my feelings valid? Should we stop bdsm until I don't feel that way anymore or until she doesn't? 

Your feelings are definitely valid but it might serve you better leaving the emotion with the event so you can move forward and enjoy your BDSM fun it’s meant to be enjoyed. In terms of your day to day life and feelings about what your partner has done talk it out with her and then try and move on if you still want to be involved with her it can’t be that bad and I’m sure you guys can move past it. Life is to short.wish you both all the best :)

Been through a similar situation. While we were doing BDSM, I used to get rushes of anger when all the memories came rushing in. At the time, I just used it as motivation. But I would never let that go to somewhere else other than the bedroom, you know what I mean? I may be a bit sadistic, but I would never punch her out of anger. There is a sense of pleasure she receives with that. However, I know those feelings and memories can come back anytime, not only during BDSM. My advice would be to talk this out with her, if not with a therapist. You won't forget what happened, but you can forgive and move on. Have a deep, meaningful conversation and see what comes from that. 


Knocking on wood, but if y'all break up, there could still be a fwb situation going on. If your gut tells you to pospone your BDSM sesh, do it. Talk it out, and make up sex is amazing. Hope this helped and good luck!

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