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Meeting a Domme for the first time

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I am attracted to dominant females and think i need to meet one. I am quite shy which doesnt help me at all and finding it difficult to talk to any. I send a messages but get little responce.  The responce I do get want me to tribute continulessly sending gift cards or money. Is this normal? I want the experience but want someone interested in me also, I want to get to know them but I can't seem to get to know anyone with out a tribute. Catch 22. Do I need to do this? I think I am a good catch but don't know why know one wants to catch me. Am I looking in the wrong places? I don't want to waste time life is too short but if I just want to get to know someone I amight a time waster is this right? I'm looking for a femdom who I can go in a journey with and loose my "BDSM virginity" I want to enrich someone life but can't find anyone to talk to. Does anyone feel the same or is it just me? 

Do not waste your money on the scammers on here. Go to munches where you can meet Dominant woman socially. Anyone who asks for money up front is a con artist, not a true Domme!

The problem with online sites is its hard to tell the good from the bad. Meeting people at munches and events is a much better way to find what you are looking for. I know you said you are shy but most munches are really friendly and go out of their way to welcome new people

Click on "Browse" & then on "Events", & find some munches local to you.

Thanks for the advice. I have definitely been picked up bu a few scammers on the way but learning with each one. Think this will probably be the best way to go to an event or something, I will need to just pluck up a bit more courage and just do it. I think doing it on my own is the most daunting, probably once I get there it will be ok I hope.


Tying in with some other advice you've already had.

So, I go to your profile and I see you've sent (almost) double the messages you've received and this is the sort of thing people see when they're checking out who messaged them.

It's an easy trap to fall in - but it's important to only message those who genuinely interest you, rather than anyone who looks Dominant.

Your profile reads that you'd "...make someone the perfect sub or slave or whatever you want me to be."

This to me suggests you don't know yourself what you want and others pick up on this. You seem to feel you'd be the perfect sub but do little to demonstrate on why.
Every guy claims they'd be a good sub. It's easy to write but it's meaningless words.  And don't go off to write a story about how you'd hold doors open, drive her round or "do anything she wants" as that's also throwaway and meaningless.

And "whatever you want me to be" - well, some people you are contacting what you to be their cash machine - so, it turns out that part of your profile is a lie.  But... before you run off and do what most guys do, don't just write "I'll do anything except pay" because that makes you sound cheap.

Next up.
If you're contacting women with a € sign or anything on their profile that suggests a financial interest then you shouldn't be surprise if finances/tribute comes up.

IF they meet those criteria then they are fully within their right to ask for payment because you contacted someone marked as a Pro.

However, if they do not have the € mark, then the right thing to do at this point is to report the profile/conversation for financial interest.

OK.  Moving on.

The best way to find Dominant women is to go where they are - and always take online as a supplement to real life and not a replacement. 

There's probably more fetish and kink meets and events than ever before - in fact in Northampton there are TWO munches tonight.

But, what you do have to remember when you do go out is that nobody owes you anything, not play, not a relationship, not a chance.
But - if you go out accepting of this attitude between talking to people, meeting people and building trust there's always a sporting chance that in the long run people will help you in one way or another.

Once you've gained real life friendships and experience a lot of this can transfer into who you are online and this in turn can make you generally more desirable.


Okay fair points well made thanks. Really appreciate the feed back in didn't know about the € sign i will look out for that. I think the problem is I have been in a relationship  for a long time I haven't known or ever looked for anyone else out there so I am a little eager which is probabbly not attractive, thanks for ripping my profile apart I will re-group and re-think. I stick by the door thing although I think it is just called manners. Ture i need to delete what ever you want me to be. I'm not desperate and will find the right someone soon I'm sure of it. Thanks for the comments. 


I think it is fairly common place, that someone who has come out of a relationship then kind of feels for whatever reason they wish to explore BDSM - and that's really cool.  The kinda problem is that because it's so common, those on the receiving end often have a "here's another one"

The good news, like you say, you will find someone.   But, you do boost your chances by going the places they are.  And just by befriending people into kink helps boost your knowledge and profile and can help a little.

re: doors.  It is manners, but it's also basic human decency. Basic human decency isn't worth jackshit.  It doesn't set you out because it's something everyone does.


Thanks for all you comments I take them on board. I am open minded and want to have fun, I am taking this BDSM seriously and sure I will find a domme who will want to explore  with me. I am looking forward meeting somone and will definitely go to an event soon as they look like fun. I will keep going and not put off just yet but still have a lot to learn and can't wait to meet a domme in person.


honestly, once you start going places you'll find the door opens.  

munches are a good place to start for social, then when you do go to events you not already know people, but know a little more on what to expect.   It'll also help boost your knowledge a little bit - just by experiencing people in what they do now.

 Events can differ wildly - and of course what is good for one person might not be good for another.  

Of course, none of the above guarantees meeting people - but, again, depending on what you want at that moment - just having someone you feel confident enough to say "would you like to play?" to can make all the difference.

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