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WTF am I doing down here

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One thing I truly am loving about the world of BDSM; where you make true deep meaningful connections with friends that are true to themselves and others around them.

I feel honoured to have met wonderful people who not only embrace themselves but others; without judgement but pure joy of one another’s abilities, styles and ultimately the connection everyone has.

On the night of ‘Dark’ event I had already asked if friends could play a scene with me at the event. In my excitement they agreed.

At Dark I grew excited and so eager to play, that I could no longer hide it. I remember jumping around and they knew it was time. As we prepared and discussed - I said, I want to be pushed to a new limit and beaten - ‘I wanted to make my own personal statement’.

As we headed to the metal play frame I eagerly got undressed (those who know me that was a big step for me) and waited for the session to start.

After the first couple of flogging strikes my friends had to step in and hold the frame because it was not sturdy. Which for those that don’t go easily in and out of sub mode can be off putting but I embraced it and found it refreshing to have them there.

I loved all the play with boxing gloves, home made knuckle dusters and most of all the baseball bat.

What I do enjoy was the choking but here is when it gets interesting. I felt light headed after the first two. With the extreme beating - to me they felt like nothing and eagerly edging my friend to carry on and goading him to continue I was in my element.

With lots of laughs and banter he went in for the third choking session, I remember saying harder.

I was standing and next thing I found myself jolting on the ground, seeing my friends faces concerned; I remember saying, ‘WTF am I doing down here?’ Feeling ever so embarrassed but super excited and laughing my head off I jumped up and said sorry, hugged and thanked my friends.

On reflection, I did not realise how hard I was pushing the play as I have no stop button. I felt guilty and could not apologise enough.

I did have a subtle stop button - I was trembling with adrenaline before the third choke and I didn’t recognise this. I sure will do now as I learn by bodies capabilities. Ironically I know I have more to give and cannot wait to explore more of this. However, I will do so where I am not pushing the Dom/Sadist to their extreme and I will grow to learn more of my own and knowing when to stop the play myself.

Would I do it all over again? Absolutely!

Thank you to my friends of making this happen and helping me to grow that much more

Passionate Angel
It might help to play with the same people alot more BEFORE an extreme play session. So they learn your body and unconscious signals. A bottom can always beg for more or harder but the Top doesn't not... and should not ... go further than they feel you can... or they can.😊
Some of this concerned me reading it.
Doesnt sound good and some parts dangerous.
If you don't know your limits and when to stop how could stangers who beat you know.

Nice that enjoyed what you had but please practise safely next time cus something could have gone seriously wrong.

I agree with jen.


Reading what you wrote is scaring me.


Please be carful. I realy do understand how fun playing is an I fet so excited b4 playing. 


I'm just extremely lucky my master who iv been with for 4 years can read my body language an even if I think I'm OK hecwill say I'm not an explain why I'm not.



Jay Wiseman in his classic title "SM 101" said quite roundly that was no safe way to choke. That it us absolutely the edge and that if you are pushed to the point of incapacity, the likelihood of resuscitation is extremely low.

Be absolutely careful with how you play and with who you play. This reads like your partner has never studied choking and it is a miracle he hasn't collapsed someone's throat by now.
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