I'm not very good at being submissive, should I give up and accept it?

[Deleted Member]

Or maybe it was the Dom, wasn't good at being dom? 

 

[AKA_Copper]

Or maybe it was a case that you simply weren't compatible with each other?

[ey****]

you can work on being submissive.  On what it means to you and also in learning what others may expect from it.

[Deleted Member]

I think this depends on whether you really want to be submissive, i.e. is that still your fantasy?
As per previous comments, you can work on being submissive, it could be that you and the Dom weren't compatible, or as you have alluded to, the Dom you were with wasn't very good, as in understanding your needs as a sub.
So go with your heart and what you want. If it's to be submissive, then work on what that means to you and make sure you communicate that with any future Doms.

[Dontflinch]

If you really think you want to be submissive, when you meet someone who wants the same things out of the relationship that you do, you won't have this feeling! If you are just doing it for someone else, then it might not be for you?

[ge****]

Based on the information provided there's nothing to base an opinion on either way - perhaps time for some self-reflection around why you think that way and what you can do to change it in future.

[Lord_Talion]

Your inability of being able to tell as much about yourself without the opinion of others makes me wonder if you've had enough experience just being yourself without looking for the attention of a Dom.

[Deleted Member]

23 hours ago, Chris2112-1138 said:

Or maybe it was the Dom, wasn't good at being dom? 

 

So I guess maybe elaborate more. I'm one of those constantly in control guys. I run my life, take care of my elderly parents, one who has parkinson's and the other with dementia/alzhiemers but won't go see a doctor. Friends ask me for advice and help and there's my nephew who has become a handful. So it would be nice to let go. The few times I have tried to be submissive in an intimate setting, ultimately I take control.  

[ey****]

yep. it's you.

one of the things with kink is there are an awful lot of guys who, on the whole, aren't that submissive but are drawn to the idea because of how much control they have to have in general life - and so it's a form of escapism.    You have to kinda learn to relinquish the control in that moment.

[AKA_Copper]

5 hours ago, Chris2112-1138 said:

So I guess maybe elaborate more. I'm one of those constantly in control guys. I run my life, take care of my elderly parents, one who has parkinson's and the other with dementia/alzhiemers but won't go see a doctor. Friends ask me for advice and help and there's my nephew who has become a handful. So it would be nice to let go. The few times I have tried to be submissive in an intimate setting, ultimately I take control.  

Over the years, I've worked with numerous family carers. A regular conversation I have is their need to let go, step back because the level at which they are caring for another/others is detrimental for them/the person or people that they care for. It seems that they 'need' to be in control of everything all the time and that if they aren't that they feel that everything will come tumblng down around them (and it won't, not if the support mechanisms are in place). But, that level of control around their caring responsibilities sometimes crosses over into their personal life and again, it's detrimental. It's about setting boundaries just like in any kink setting. When are you a carer, when are you, you. Who else can support, friends, family agencies, organisations. With that said, I'm very aware that while physical/financial caring burdens can be minimised/removed the emotional burden a caring role particularly for a loved one cannot be.

On the other hand, I hear what you're saying with, it would be nice to be able to let go. I have a lot of responsibility and sometimes, it's overwhelming and I just don't want it.

But, there have been very few occassions as to when I've felt submissive towards another. For me it boils down to the personality and character of the other person. Have they gained my respect and trust. If I can't feel that then submission isn't even on the cards. If I do, I've realised that I don't even think about it. I don't necessarily know i'm being submissive unless I'm paying attention. So for me, it's something that happens naturally rather than, "this is what I want so this is how I'll behave". Kinda like another comment and which brings me back to my original thought, that maybe it's as simple as incompatibility.

[Deleted Member]

Thanks for the input. More things to think on and figure out what I want.

[JungianPassion]

I’d agree… on all fronts. Wise words young lady

[PeggyBundy]

On 10/19/2022 at 9:02 PM, Chris2112-1138 said:

So I guess maybe elaborate more. I'm one of those constantly in control guys. I run my life, take care of my elderly parents, one who has parkinson's and the other with dementia/alzhiemers but won't go see a doctor. Friends ask me for advice and help and there's my nephew who has become a handful. So it would be nice to let go. The few times I have tried to be submissive in an intimate setting, ultimately I take control.  

Just do some research, stop blaming the dom and wasting their precious time 

[Deleted Member]

Peggy - not blaming the dom. I'm not at all. I don't know what I'm doing. That's why I'm asking. 

I DONT want to waste anyone's time, me or the person I am interacting with. I want the experience

to be enjoyed by both of us - or why do it at all. 

[Spanksinatra]

Keep going