Submissive Insecurities in Threeway

[50****]

Last night:

I had a member of Fet engage in a threeway. The talk of her experience and my attraction to her triggered a major psychological rift in my sub and the framework of our relationship.

Seeing me lightly choke her was enough to see our kink from a whole new angle, a new view which it sickened her to see me getting my kicks from this other sub.

Sacred phrases like “good girl”

Jealous? - Initially I thought so but we’ve had multiple experiences with others but never in the BDSM way.

This scared both me and the third because the reaction was sheer RAGE 😡 without safe words or communication. BLINDED FURY.

Is the Dom-Sub bond only between two?
I wondered if this has ever happened with anyone else and how this could have been avoided?

Needless to say, from this experience,
I’ll keep it to one on ones from now on.

[ge****]

Perhaps the use of words and activities that your submissive thought were "sacred" between you acted as a trigger?
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You say you don't think it's jealousy because you've had experiences with others before - but there's quite a difference between vanilla casual sex and BDSM, so while she may have been OK with more "swinging" related activities, when it comes to BDSM perhaps her jealousy came to the fore regardless of other experiences.
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Have you talked to your submissive about it and what she thinks may have been behind it? As there is your answer ultimately.
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How much discussion was there between you and your submissive, and you, your submissive and the third party beforehand? Were boundaries and limits discussed and agreed between all three of you? Did your submissive agree to this because she wanted to for herself or to please you or because she thought she had to say yes as your submissive do you think?
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A bond between a dominant and a submissive doesn't have to be between two, but like any relationship where others are invited in it needs careful management.
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If you've not discussed with your submissive, I suggest you do ASAP, as I said the answers to what your are asking lie with her ultimately.

[ge****]

One other thought - who "chose" the third party? You or your submissive?
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If it was you, did your submissive have a chance to get to know them first outside of any "play" situation, and agree they'd be happy to proceed, or was the situation pretty much thrust on her as a fait accompli?
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Regardless though, if you were the one doing the choosing, perhaps that plays into how she felt possibly threatened by the situation.

[50****]

Both comments valid:

We did have a threeway chat 💬 and for a while individual chats going on and before anything happened all met at a bar to set boundaries. On the drive home I mentioned to both this was a new dynamic and wouldn’t engage in BDSM on this occasion (all agreed)

My view: light choke and light dirty talk isn’t BDSM but after we talked it through today, this was the ultimate trigger.

Also when I left midway through the night to get mixers they discussed previous experiences and with my sub/partners limited experience outside of our dynamic these insecurities began to arise.

🥂Alcohol and girl chat a beautifully dangerous mix 🍸

I had talked to the third that I was interested in coupling for workshops and external play dates which was a surprise to my partner as this is an element she doesn’t feel comfortable herself to explore yet. - She’s not against me doing it solo though?

We have talked about it today but I’m unhinged on whether to continue this dynamic in our relationship at all if it can cause that kind of mental shift or switch to go off. (Also I can’t afford another whole in my wall)

The poor girl who experienced this had sub-drop and no aftercare during the frightening meltdown.

You mentioned careful management but it was like hearding bees back into nest.

Nothing in the evening felt forced. There was solid attraction on all sides and the girls got started without me, it was just in that single moment…

Broken bonds, heartbreak and subdrop.
It was ugly.

[ge****]

Good that there's ongoing communication and she's been able to articulate what triggered things - regardless of the dynamic it can be a very difficult road to navigate - the whole fantasy not always matching reality thing and more besides, and sometimes it's not possible to know what may trigger things until the trigger is pulled.
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One observation here though, you say alcohol and girl chat is a dangerous mix, and it can be for sure - however I'd go further than that and say that alcohol and play can be even more dangerous - certainly while alcohol can lower inhibitions, it can also raise insecurities especially in situations like this - when I used to frequent swingers clubs I saw no end of tearful situations that I am sure alcohol played a part in.
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Think all you can do from here is treat it as a lesson learned, take a step back and continue the open and honest communication, and tread a little more carefully if and when you decide to move forward once more.

[se****]

From everything I read, I think the trigger made her feel threatened/ you like her more with this person, but not with others. A threatened/ you like her more feeling can come from anything like you looking at the other person with interest. I am betting money with this person, I don't think she wanted you to do any activities. Since your Sub felt this way, you might be right a FFM is not possible now, or future. No matter how much trust and security, this can happen again, but differently.

[lo****]

I have a LOT of insecurities when it comes to FFM. Every single time I have agreed, I was basically given some attention at first, then as things progressed left basically on my own while he used it as an excuse to fucknthe new girl.

This was before ever getting into the lifestyle as well. If MY Dom had finally gotten me to trust him enough for a FFM, and then fucking choked and called the other woman "good girl" that damage probably would never be undone, and I would be gone.

[se****]

I am very sorry for you. Be strong!💖

[Da****]

Having been part of a D/s/s throuple in the past it can be very difficult to navigate through all the emotions. But as long as you still and keep having open communication you hopefully will be able to avoid the triggers in the future. Also in my opinion, I would not engage with anyone outside your dynamic until your sub is confident in her place with you and in your dynamic.