Deleted Member Posted November 14, 2022 Hello Everyone! Firstly, apologies if I use incorrect terminology, I am extremely new to all of this. I (F) am in a LDR with a Switch (M). I have always been very sexually submissive and my boyfriend has been a really fantastic dom especially as obviously everything we do sexually is on the phone/videos etc due to the distance. Recently I was a bit burned out subbing, usually I would engage in this occasionally have more "vanilla" sex in between times but we both feel like "vanilla" dirty talk isn't really going to get us to completion so we've only been engaging in kinky stuff, leading to the burn out for me. I raised this and ofc he was really awesome about it and suggested we switch. I've never ever been Dom in any kind of way with anyone so I was pretty nervous about it, just normal stuff y'know wanting to do a good job for him. Totally enthusiastically on board with the idea, to be clear, just nervous. It's been about a week of this and I'm really warming up to it, it surprisingly (for me) really turns me on and he seems to be really really loving what I'm doing. I've done some research on the topic, I'm very type A that way. So far I think I'm a softdom, so I'm very encouraging of him and complimentary but in a Dom way "you've been such a good boy, you deserve a reward, you're so obedient to me it turns me on so much when you do as you're told, you're the best sub" that kind of thing. We have talked about it and he really likes it. I started out slow, telling him I wanted us to not have sex for a couple of weeks to build tension. He was resistant to the idea which I later learned was like role play resistance but I didn't realise at the time. Anyways, I made him wait a couple days, flirted alot during that time, it was good. When we finally did have sex again it was good, I did my best but he was kinda switching which mucked me up a bit and ended up finishing more with me subbing than him, totally fine don't get me wrong, I love that too. More recently, I did it again. I told him he wasn't allowed to cum until I told him he could. Gave him a couple punishments for breaking some rules, one was to listen to me masterbate and cum on call but he couldn't touch himself or even acknowledge what I was doing and had to just go about doing other things. We edged him I think 3 times over two days which was super hot, and he said it was absolutely perfect so I'm confident that his needs are being met also. I set him a task or command for the day to not think about my body in anyway and was really explicit about which parts he wasn't allowed to think about to wind him up more, he had to count how many times he broke my command and report back to me, he is still waiting for his punishment for this. I finally decided to reward him and we had sex. He stayed sub the whole time which was great and I think allowed me to get a little more comfortable in my role. I think I'm really good with aftercare, I tell him how much I love him and that he did a really good job, that I'll always take care of him, that kind of thing. So, overall I think it's going really well. I am interested to hear advice/guidance/tips for the following. Please remember we are in a long distance relationship. We are also not into the more heavy stuff like ***/sissification, he likes to be called a slut/slave/whore that kind of thing. 1. Him begging me for my body is confusing. I do like the desperation for me absolutely but sometimes it makes me a little uncomfortable, like pressure to some degree. 2. I don't like the sub voice he uses, it's kind of whingey/weak. I get that obviously he is my sub so I guess weak is kind of what he wants to be? Can I ask him to use his normal voice without hurting his feelings/embarrassing him? His normal voice is actually a huge turn on for me as it's very deep and strong. 3. What can I do for punishments? Rewards? Tasks to set for him? Open to ideas here as obviously being long distance complicates this a bit. 4. Is there anything I need to do as a Dom to care for myself mentally/emotionally specifically related to domming. Obviously as a sub you do need to be aware of that stuff and I'm a very nuturing person so taking care of him in that respect is really easy for me and brings me joy to do. So yeah, what's the deal with this for doms? 5. He likes to be spit on, obviously I can't phsyically do that because of the distance, which I would be totally fine with doing, so looking for some ideas of what to say to incorporate this into what I'm saying to him. 6. He likes to be called a good boy/bad boy, I'm on board in theory but really don't like "boy", I'm a childhood SA survivor and the childlike term makes me uncomfortable. What are some alternatives for me to ask him if he would like? 7. Any general feedback/advice/ideas etc for me is very welcome.
ra**** Posted November 14, 2022 1) I've had partners who have told me that too so i get that, all i can really say is that it comes from a place of wanting to beg more than anything else, like to be denied is such a turn on and to go over the line and straight beg has so much pleasure in it, I hope I that maybe helps somehow 2) telling him his normal voice turns him on js better than telling him his whiney voice doesn't, and maybe in character humiliate him for his voice and tell him to "stop stutterin like an idiot"? 3) writing lines is one thing, it's an insane thing to do but it's really hypnotising, like i was made to write "I worship goddess x" 100 tines. she called me pathetic and made me write "I am pathetic" 100 times again. that page sticks with you like if he uses a notebook, he has to hide that from friends, he will see it often and at one point will have to write on the page next to it. 5) you can literally spit on the camera 6) bad dog, good dog, yes puppy 7) dk what to say but honestly it sounds like you're doing a really good job, you're both enjoying it, you're definitely exploring this side of you and I think what works best is to be vocal about what you like and how things make you feel and that's the best groundwork to have, its all about having fun really
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