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What is the Sub looking to get out of the experience?


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Posted (edited)

Hi everyone, 

Not long ago, I was asking my wife what she would like to try...something new. Something that maybe we had never really tried. She said she really enjoyed the loss of control the few times that I've tied her up and she would like to experiment with bondage. 

Over the past few months we done it 6-7 times...both of us learning as we go. Lots of fun...both of us loving it. My question...what is the sub looking to get out of the experience. Obviously, everyone is different, so I know there isn't a universal answer. And I know the primary thing they are looking for is loss of control. 

But that second one...there has to be more to it than that, otherwise I could just tie her up and be done with it. If thats truly all it is...how do you continue to elevate that feeling? Doesn't it eventually lose its excitement? 

I should add we aren't into the "humiliation" aspect. 

Thanks in advance. 

Edited by Primal

you're right - everyone is different

but, in ways - a lot of, what is her day job or day to day life like?  It might be that she is someone who often feels like she has to be in control, looking for a moment to have that taken away.

some people also like the feeling of trust.

I remember, once, in play I had someone, throat pretty much below my boot and she was, a bit, enjoying losing control - so I said "I could do anything I wanted to you right now, couldn't I?", she nodded nervously - but - the buzz for there was the trust that I had her to a point where I *could* do whatever I wanted - but, she knew I wouldn't do anything that abused the trust she placed in me.

And that kind of feeling can be a high in itself. 


That's a very interesting view point eyem. The trust is reciprocated back and forth and heightens the level of emotion involved. Creating a deep, deep bond. That basically how I understand it. 



A  lot of people into rope are *really* into rope and potentially for different reasons - and I think it is a slightly intimate activity in the sense that the rigger is going to have their undivided attention on the person being tied, so it's quite intimate like that - and it can also be an activity that can (feel like) it takes a while - so there's a little, for want of a better word, 'romance' to it.

Without swaying too much off topic, I suspect what a lot of people enjoy from being tied is similar to how I felt when I did needles - someone has their complete and careful focus on you for a period of time - as you trust them to make each move with consideration.

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