Deleted Member Posted February 12, 2023 Posted February 12, 2023 6 minutes ago, kiseu said: Shelters as hiding from being killed, or physically thrown out. Most women will not leave their comfortable home for a cold bed if they did not *** their lives, or the man violently kicks them out of their house. In most cases, a woman has no physical power compared to a man. Have you actually been in a real physical fight with a man?. In most cases, a man beaten up by a women... he does fight back. Alot of cases, the women does fight back, but the man having more physical power... he over powers her... beats her up, or literly carrying or dragging her out of the house. Men experience the same at the hands of abusive parents and partners. I have had a partner lie to other men to get them to confront me. There's nowhere to turn in these situations. I believe there are also men who are mentally and physically ill from the pressures of society akin to but the same way some women are. It's not a gendered issue. The nuances are gendered but the issue as a whole is not. It cant be corrected by excluding the other half and making assumptions about them. You can protect yourself that way but you cant create better interactions and situations between human beings that way.
CopperKnob Posted February 12, 2023 Author Posted February 12, 2023 12 minutes ago, Darksoul_85 said: Maybe more men are driven into crime and *** because there aren't enough shelters? This is moving far off topic . There are many research articles, many of which are peer reviewed, discussing why males are more likely to be involved in criminal activity including, environmental factors: family, education, religion, location and financial concerns. Poverty and a lack of 'good enough' parenting are the main factors. It's not a lack of shelters for those experiencing DV/DA
Deleted Member Posted February 12, 2023 Posted February 12, 2023 2 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: This is moving far off topic . There are many research articles, many of which are peer reviewed, discussing why males are more likely to be involved in criminal activity including, environmental factors: family, education, religion, location and financial concerns. Poverty and a lack of 'good enough' parenting are the main factors. It's not a lack of shelters for those experiencing DV/DA So leave it at that and ignore anyones real life experiences? Location, financial concerns, poverty, lack of parenting. Those are all reasons to seek shelter and guidence.
Deleted Member Posted February 12, 2023 Posted February 12, 2023 3 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: This is moving far off topic . There are many research articles, many of which are peer reviewed, discussing why males are more likely to be involved in criminal activity including, environmental factors: family, education, religion, location and financial concerns. Poverty and a lack of 'good enough' parenting are the main factors. It's not a lack of shelters for those experiencing DV/DA Take a trip to the hood and see what thats like for the young men there.
CopperKnob Posted February 12, 2023 Author Posted February 12, 2023 4 minutes ago, Darksoul_85 said: Men experience the same at the hands of abusive parents and partners. I have had a partner lie to other men to get them to confront me. There's nowhere to turn in these situations. I believe there are also men who are mentally and physically ill from the pressures of society akin to but the same way some women are. It's not a gendered issue. The nuances are gendered but the issue as a whole is not. It cant be corrected by excluding the other half and making assumptions about them. You can protect yourself that way but you cant create better interactions and situations between human beings that way. Do you see how it's a chicken and egg situation? Men respond differently than women to strain (strain theory), whilst women internalise their responses, men typically do not (see relevant research) It's not the job of women to make men better behaved individuals. It's their responsibility to educate themselves and not display misogynistic behaviours. Even when we try, we get the responses we've received here 👆
CopperKnob Posted February 12, 2023 Author Posted February 12, 2023 1 minute ago, Darksoul_85 said: So leave it at that and ignore anyones real life experiences? Location, financial concerns, poverty, lack of parenting. Those are all reasons to seek shelter and guidence. Kiseu is speaking about a different type of shelter than you are
Deleted Member Posted February 12, 2023 Posted February 12, 2023 9 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: Do you see how it's a chicken and egg situation? Men respond differently than women to strain (strain theory), whilst women internalise their responses, men typically do not (see relevant research) It's not the job of women to make men better behaved individuals. It's their responsibility to educate themselves and not display misogynistic behaviours. Even when we try, we get the responses we've received here 👆 Men definitely internalize the responses women give. Being told "fuck off creep" when you say "hello" to someone makes you rethink your entire self. It completely destroys you. And it happens all the time. More attractive men don't experience it the same way less attractive men do. It's no better when a man resorts to name calling in order to placate themselves. Its all fucked up. And dividing the issue just causes us to make assumptions like those made by psychologists who want to avoid identifying their own issues(read some journals about narcissism lol). Its no more a mans responsibility to help a woman deal with her insecurities or ***s than it is for a woman to help a man deal with his. It will do a lot more for us all if we understood eachother and promoted more positive interactions between us all. That goes for all kinds of relationships and sexualities.
Deleted Member Posted February 12, 2023 Posted February 12, 2023 11 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: Kiseu is speaking about a different type of shelter than you are And for victims of physical ***? Domestic emotional ***?
se**** Posted February 12, 2023 Posted February 12, 2023 (edited) 27 minutes ago, Darksoul_85 said: Take a trip to the hood and see what thats like for the young men there. Sorry. I had friends in the hood, and were in famous prisons. Went there too!! It's a tough area, but there's beauty and good people. Alot of men put themselves mostly in bad situations because the lure of $$€€££. Learned from them how f**k, or to destroy a car for revenge. Edited February 12, 2023 by kiseu
CopperKnob Posted February 12, 2023 Author Posted February 12, 2023 25 minutes ago, Darksoul_85 said: Men definitely internalize the responses women give. Being told "fuck off creep" when you say "hello" to someone makes you rethink your entire self. It completely destroys you. And it happens all the time. More attractive men don't experience it the same way less attractive men do. It's no better when a man resorts to name calling in order to placate themselves. Its all fucked up. And dividing the issue just causes us to make assumptions like those made by psychologists who want to avoid identifying their own issues(read some journals about narcissism lol). Its no more a mans responsibility to help a woman deal with her insecurities or ***s than it is for a woman to help a man deal with his. It will do a lot more for us all if we understood eachother and promoted more positive interactions between us all. That goes for all kinds of relationships and sexualities. When you can bring facts rather than thoughts and feelings to this debate I'll be happy to continue but you've completely derailed the OP from it's position
Fa**** Posted February 12, 2023 Posted February 12, 2023 51 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: Do you see how it's a chicken and egg situation? Men respond differently than women to strain (strain theory), whilst women internalise their responses, men typically do not (see relevant research) It's not the job of women to make men better behaved individuals. It's their responsibility to educate themselves and not display misogynistic behaviours. Even when we try, we get the responses we've received here 👆 Stop making me fall for you more, I didn’t know how clever you were. I’m now a fan girl in awe 🫠🤣
FETMOD-KF Posted February 12, 2023 Posted February 12, 2023 3 hours ago, Darksoul_85 said: I've had my life destroyed by narcissistic women who couldn't handle a breakup. One of them was physically abusive. One of them sent family after me. The risks are there for both. Statistically men are more likely to be the victims of violent crime in society. Is that because we don't teach young boys to protect themselves the same way we teach young girls? Maybe it's because men are expected and more willing to take risks? whilst this is very sad to hear. This and your subsequent comments have nothing whatsoever to with the thread in question so please keep things on topic. Thank you.
Ar**** Posted February 12, 2023 Posted February 12, 2023 1 hour ago, Darksoul_85 said: Men definitely internalize the responses women give. Being told "fuck off creep" when you say "hello" to someone makes you rethink your entire self. It completely destroys you. Had the "Fuck off creep" response from somebody two or three months ago. I wasn't expecting it, it caught me by surprise, it was - from the perspective of somebody who had sent a reasonable and polite intro message - rude and an over-reaction. I didn't internalize it (I've only just remembered it reading these comments now), it didn't make me question myself, and it didn't destroy me at all - I simply thought "that's a no then", "we're incompatible", and carried on with my day. C'est la vie, y'know? What I don't do is blame the woman in question for her response or begrudge it. I don't know her story or what else she'd been through in her life or even that day. It shouldn't be hard to walk away and move along when a stranger doesn't wish to engage you - whatever form that "rejection" takes.
Deleted Member Posted February 12, 2023 Posted February 12, 2023 12 minutes ago, Aranhis said: Had the "Fuck off creep" response from somebody two or three months ago. I wasn't expecting it, it caught me by surprise, it was - from the perspective of somebody who had sent a reasonable and polite intro message - rude and an over-reaction. I didn't internalize it (I've only just remembered it reading these comments now), it didn't make me question myself, and it didn't destroy me at all - I simply thought "that's a no then", "we're incompatible", and carried on with my day. C'est la vie, y'know? What I don't do is blame the woman in question for her response or begrudge it. I don't know her story or what else she'd been through in her life or even that day. It shouldn't be hard to walk away and move along when a stranger doesn't wish to engage you - whatever form that "rejection" takes. Their story isnt your responsibility. They dont need to be taking that out on strangers any more than you or I do. Accountability goes both ways.
se**** Posted February 12, 2023 Posted February 12, 2023 (edited) I think this was not mentioned enough. People maybe not respond, because they don't want the other person to be more disappointed. Of course, there are those that don't give care too. Like eyem mentioned it's better not to say anything, than the truth. Yesterday, I tested this theory in a different situation. I told a member the truth why I didn't want to continue communications. You know what, I felt really bad about this... Oops... Theory: Honesty vs Sometimes, better not saying. Edited February 12, 2023 by kiseu Misunderstanding
ey**** Posted February 12, 2023 Posted February 12, 2023 There has been a couple of "how do I let someone down gently" threads recently and the truth is - you often can't. because whatever your reason for not wishing to respond, or continue a conversation or a relationship it is always going to hurt the other to some degree even a "what you are looking for and what I am looking for differ" can still make someone feel like they're not what anyone is looking for, or sometimes even feelings that they are worth at least a chance.
se**** Posted February 12, 2023 Posted February 12, 2023 3 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: There has been a couple of "how do I let someone down gently" threads recently and the truth is - you often can't. because whatever your reason for not wishing to respond, or continue a conversation or a relationship it is always going to hurt the other to some degree even a "what you are looking for and what I am looking for differ" can still make someone feel like they're not what anyone is looking for, or sometimes even feelings that they are worth at least a chance. Sorry Eyem. I meant "Sometime, it better not to say anything".
ey**** Posted February 12, 2023 Posted February 12, 2023 3 hours ago, seonny said: Sorry Eyem. I meant "Sometime, it better not to say anything". I got that - and yep, alas sometimes it is
Deleted Member Posted February 13, 2023 Posted February 13, 2023 6 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said: I got that - and yep, alas sometimes it is 100% Ignoring someone is the most polite thing which can be expected by anyone.
CopperKnob Posted February 13, 2023 Author Posted February 13, 2023 8 minutes ago, Darksoul_85 said: 100% Ignoring someone is the most polite thing which can be expected by anyone. Which is the point of the whole damn post which you've argued about throughout
Deleted Member Posted February 13, 2023 Posted February 13, 2023 14 hours ago, Darksoul_85 said: I've had my life destroyed by narcissistic women who couldn't handle a breakup. One of them was physically abusive. One of them sent family after me. The risks are there for both. Statistically men are more likely to be the victims of violent crime in society. Is that because we don't teach young boys to protect themselves the same way we teach young girls? Maybe it's because men are expected and more willing to take risks? That sucks. Yes, physical *** is sometimes caused by or due to women too. And while I agree the need that gets addressed too, you seem to completely ignore an added layer that men don't have to struggle with and that is misogyny. In the Netherlands 53% of women have been exposed to sexually unwanted behaviour, 22% have been sexually assaulted. As a young woman I can assure you: misogyny is everywhere. And it affects our everyday lives. But men don't see that. Men say things like "Well, I once had my butt squeezed at a club too and actually thought it was kind of hot." And you do something similar here. Your own experiences cannot be justified, but they really are something different. They might have the same result, but not the same cause.
se**** Posted February 13, 2023 Posted February 13, 2023 (edited) 7 hours ago, IAmCharly said: That sucks. Yes, physical *** is sometimes caused by or due to women too. And while I agree the need that gets addressed too, you seem to completely ignore an added layer that men don't have to struggle with and that is misogyny. In the Netherlands 53% of women have been exposed to sexually unwanted behaviour, 22% have been sexually assaulted. As a young woman I can assure you: misogyny is everywhere. And it affects our everyday lives. But men don't see that. Men say things like "Well, I once had my butt squeezed at a club too and actually thought it was kind of hot." And you do something similar here. Your own experiences cannot be justified, but they really are something different. They might have the same result, but not the same cause. I agree with you, but it is "most" men. It's not much compared to women, but more men are coming out about sexually unwanted behavior from men and women. Also, alot of men are afraid of speaking, because loosing jobs, sports, being ridiculed, or not believed. Oops... sexually assualted too. I was surprised men do this to other men. Edited February 13, 2023 by seonny Wrote it wrong.
Deleted Member Posted February 14, 2023 Posted February 14, 2023 From one of your rejected, thanks for the explanation, it’s some small consolation, but appreciated nonetheless.
CopperKnob Posted February 14, 2023 Author Posted February 14, 2023 9 hours ago, Alex10473 said: From one of your rejected, thanks for the explanation, it’s some small consolation, but appreciated nonetheless. Who are you talking to? Because if it's me I have no recollection of us interacting in anyway shape or form
Be**** Posted February 14, 2023 Posted February 14, 2023 This is why I love the "no thanks" function. You can say no without *** of name calling or any form of harassment! Of course that's a very harsh thing to use if you've already been talking to someone for a while and you'd need a bit more of a gentle explanation, but it's good to remember we have such a tool at our exposal that you wouldn't find on other fetish sites.
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