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Posted (edited)

Recently I have found myself being asked, not just by one person either, how I can be into things I'm into in this world, after being part of domestic ***. I find myself not knowing how to answer this. I have come across a few people on here that have also been part of domestic ***, I am interested to know their opinions on this matter, and how they would answer this same question. This is the first time I have put a forum post up so I apologise in advance if it's in the wrong place.

Edited by Deleted Member
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some people I've spoken to in the past who've been victims of DV have different reasons.

For some, it's actually a form of reclamation - that it can be enjoyable when consensual.  Like a lot of things, it can be complicated.   

Completely agree with eyemblacksheep.. domestic *** has nothing to do with BDSM. Domestic *** is someone exerting power over you, whether that be physical, emotional or mental, they’re doing it for their benefit. They don’t care about you, they’re selfish and often insecure in themselves so they need to take control. Having a Dom is completely different, it’s about care, anything including any punishments given are done with your best interests. A sub holds the power and they choose to give their power to their Dom. In DV the victim doesn’t have a choice.
Posted (edited)

I to was a victim of domestic ***, when I tell so called Dom's this they think that's why I like to be spanked and such. But like @eyemblacksheephas said it's much more enjoyable if its consensual, but yes I find myself asking the same question sometimes why do I like it so much when I've had terrible things happen to me. Spanking I am fine with but face slapping and *** role play are not for me as these trigger what happened in my past and are hard limits for me. I will never even think about talking to a Dom who will push these hard limits as for me they will stay that way I won't change my mind. But yes domestic *** has nothing to do with BDSM at all as @PurpleDaisyhas said 😊

Edited by Lilmonster
@Lilmonster I don't mind light face slapping and that is told to people I also couldn't do *** role play. There are things that bring things back for me. I find it severely frustrating that I like all this stuff, but I can't explain why I wish I could but I can't.

sometimes I feel it's good to not worry WHY you like something.  Only that you do.

I had a little penny drop moment last year, not about some of my fetishes but some of my general - shall we say, reasoning - and it kinda distressed me a bit.  


I know its probably gonna be useless but please dont indulge in self hatred, its not healthy and you deserve to be loved, especially by yourself. 


Great question and i imagine there is no individual answer.

Might be worth you spending time thinking about it - as to why it is you do enjoy it - what you enjoy about it - dont put yourself under any stress or think there has to be an answer but just a kind of self exploration as to why to gain pleasure / enjoyment from it.


As LilM and eyem have said  - there are others who have gone thru and each will have there own level of understanding - so maybe worth more chit chat with people who have been thru or have experience of it.


If i try to put myself in that situation to try and understand - for me it would be a kinda control thing, a self worth thing - maybe trying to prove something to myself, as eyem says a form of reclamation - a way to prove that not all 'partners' are ***rs ??!    And then it does get complicated and probably more so to explain to someone else !

Bur definitely keep asking questions and discuss it with others (I know there are people on here who would discuss it with you ;)


Sid this isn't self-hatred it's more curiosity of what are the people do when they are asked or say it can be a very touchy subject and I was just interested to find out from other people that have been in the same situation but their opinions are on it

Hey KinkyBrat19, 

Your post really intrigued me. 

Sometimes you search for an answer and it’s never there or sometime we don’t want to have an answer to somethings to some people or even to yourself because you just want to forget every dirt that’s happened to you; that makes you feel dirty. 

The  difference is this time; you feel safe with that person or that group of people because you have the control and the *** inflicted won’t make you flinch with *** because you can stop it at any time you want it to stop without needing to find an escape route and your stronger. 


If you cant explain then don’t, just enjoy what you like doing because that is who you are. Stop for a moment and ask yourself what I am doing is comfortable and I enjoy it right , but why ? ... The question is why not ? 

- If everything is safe and consensual. 

- Your never the same as the person who did the horrible stuff to you. Don’t forget that ! 

- Your not making that person cry out because of *** but because of a relief or happy even sometimes. 


All the best ! 😊☘️








Maybe fro you it's a form of escapism , maybe it's to prove a point or just because it's what you like . The point is it's your business nobody else's, it's your life and choices and they don't need justifying to anyone else. It's your life live it x
Kinky what a thought provoking Q to which I can relate to some extent. For me, the 2 are completely distinct to one another ..although may not appear on the surface level for some. 1 is abusive and non consensual and breaks trust , respect and takes away from a relationship. The other when entered into with respect , time for communication, exploring and integrity builds trust and allows us to discover more about ourselves ...our submissive or dominance for example. The activity whatever that may be is held and conducted from a different place. In this I feel as a consequence that I am truly gifted with experiences I didn’t have before ...I happen to get this sometimes through physical ***. But I distinctly FEEL how separate and unalienable these two dynamics are .. a DV one ☹️ And a genuine D/s one 🥰
Kinky , I’m not sure this helps at all . I have been two types of events in my life and they are also both things that lead to the same question. I have had therapy sessions and actual explained a few things and asked the question myself to which I was told it is very common in people that have been through that as it’s what they know and feel comfortable with etc etc won’t go into it but just to say it is very explainable. However don’t question yourself for anyone else. It’s not for them to understand x
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