Feelings.

[Cu****]

Good Morning.
My DDLG relationship started at the very end of November, we both started it with exactly the same purpose and knew that feelings were not to develop. We have had a great few months, lots and lots of ups and a handful of downs. Its a wonderful learning experience, and I love it. I adore my Daddy, and I just want to do everything I can to make him happy. We have our own rules to help maintain a successful relationship, but just recently we both have been breaking them. Speaking on days when we shouldn't, meeting up more often then we agreed, my desire to see him and speak to him is over powering. I am cross at myself for allowing my emotions and feelings to get involved, and if I had the courage to ask him I think he would say the same thing. I think about him constantly, when I go to bed, when I wake up, thinking about everything he likes me to do, new ideas he might like to try. He is at the forefront of my mind, I have 100% developed feelings for him. So my question of sorts is, is this normal? Do other subs invest so much of themselves emotionally? I'm so confused, I've never met a man that makes me feel the way he does, yet I'm petrified that if I tell him (I think he has an idea anyway) that I could ruin everything that we have created together ❤️

[Deleted Member]

If you both broke the rules then perhaps suggest a "x month" (x being how many months you have been doing this) review. Discussing what you both like, what you both feel you need to change, what you need to stick to and what needs expanding upon. Will allow you to make it more formal, or more relaxed. Put everything down the way you started and put your new ideas up for review. And only share at the same time.

[Sw****]

I was in a very similar situation at one point, but from the other side. In the end she spoke to me, and expressed her feelings. That in turn allowed me to admit them to myself too.
It can be terrifying to take a leap, but from the sounds of it your Daddy would be receptive to it, otherwise he wouldn't be able to provide that role for you/you wouldn't already have that level of connection.

[ge****]

Feelings are a natural thing and not something you can control even with the hardest of hearts, so yes it's "normal" or can be - some people are able to compartmentalise, but even then it's possible for feelings to creep in, especially when what you have is a very close relationship.
.
One thing you've not said is why you both took the decision initially to be guarded against feelings developing, having limited meeting times and times when you speak? Is it possible that it's those reasons that are making you conflicted now?

[He****]

I totally developed feelings for mine, unfortunately we we recently finished after 2.5 years (nothing either of us did wrong, and it could get fixed, maybe, Daumen drücken) He was the last person I thought of and said goodnight to and the first person I thought of and said good morning to. I love him and told him, he also said and put it writing back to me. I think when it's a DDlg relationship especially it's just so close. He has included me into his inner circle as I have also done. I spent the last 2 Xmas's in Germany with him, 24 Dec is generally reserved for Family, he spent them with me. I believe in love and humans were made to have love, you'd have to be a robot not to develop feelings with someone you end up trusting so much. Why do you think it would ruin it? Things change, maybe sit and talk about it. If you don't this will eat you up alive, it will come out eventually so may as well deal with it and see what it looks like after you've talked. Good luck. ❤️

[fr****]

Women naturally are designed to fall in love from sex. Men have sex out of curiosity and fall in love later. This is just basic anatomy or science or natural.

You should just be honest and explain yourself. He would either “break the rules” or maybe he feels the same way.

I feel like disclosure is basically Supreme in these types of situations.

[Deleted Member]

From what you wrote, it sounds very postive. Good luck!🍀💖

Edited March 19, 2023 by Deleted Member

[DarkArts1066]

The DD/lg relationship can be a complex one, and setting boundaries is a good way to start any relationship - especially a kink one …. However some cannot be set in stone, and as everyone else has alluded to, sometimes those feelings do creep in - more often than not actually.
To be in a DD/lg or a D/s relationship, you do have to care for the other person to some degree.

As @gemini_manmentions, you don’t tell us why you set the rules you did at the start, so it’s difficult to comment beyond speculation, but common are that people are in relationships with other people outside of kink - or there is physical distance between them, which makes a full time relationship impossible unless someone moves. Being a carer for a family member is another.

I believe that all subs (and Doms) who are properly invested in their play partner develop feelings to a greater or lesser degree. Call it intuition - if you will, but it is where the trust stems from.
How do you think your DD feels about you ?… can you talk to him about the fact that you “might” be developing feelings for him ?

[Lo****]

So, first of, yes, it is normal to develop feelings for one another in such a setting; it can do either way though.
I always favour clear and honest communication, so you should address this topic with your DD, because neither of you will be able to enjoy your play if they are constantly thinking about whether or not his or that will develop. Also, if feelings remain unaddressed, chances are that someone gets hurt.
You should discuss how you will handle that in the future; maybe the feelings are mutual, then win-win, congratulations, maybe they are not, the you could continue if you are ok with that or, reduce the intensity, or part amicably. Anyway, all of these options are better than just swallowing your feelings. And again, yes, developing feelings in such a setting is natural and ok; it can happen, it does not have to, but when it does, address it!
Hope this helps.

[Deleted Member]

Yes, I had a DOM and the emontions where there as well. But I also, played a Mistress role (which can be very dangerous as well.) You guy's need to have a talk and put everything out on the table and be open with eachother. Otherwise; it will turn into a diaster. Good luck!

[Sh****]

Communication is important…communication with him, not us who are not involved

[ChristySub]

It's natural to fall for someone. At the beginning of my relationship with my dom it was agreed if one of us develops feelings the other should walk away.....we both developed feelings, neither of us walked. Personally I just couldn't. I can't explain why but logic and the heart don't always agree. We're still together, still happy together and I know I've fallen for him hard and im ok with that. I was petrified to tell him but he admitted he feels the same so for now I'm letting my heart have what it wants coz the thought of not being his sub just isn't worth thinking about

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, frankdaddy said:

Women naturally are designed to fall in love from sex. Men have sex out of curiosity and fall in love later. This is just basic anatomy or science or natural.

You should just be honest and explain yourself. He would either “break the rules” or maybe he feels the same way.

I feel like disclosure is basically Supreme in these types of situations.

Apologies I’m confused. Which part of both Anatomy and Science is a proven fact that women are “naturally” designed to fall in love from sex? At what point did this emotion become sex based?

Edited March 19, 2023 by Deleted Member

[Cu****]

Thank you everyone who has replied ❤️ We actually live an hour apart, he works, I work night shifts so seeing each very regular just wasn't going to be plausible. Us talking had become rather intense so we made the decision to reign it in somewhat x

[No****]

Personally, in DDlg i do not believe in keeping emotions out cause the very basic of the bonding in that dynamic is on an emotional level. You can be in a sadist/masochist dynamic and a lot of others purely for the dynamic. But with DDlg? Nah, I don't buy it. Any type of caregiver dynamic automatically had string attached so in your situation, it is time to sit down and have the talk

[Le****]

Tell him sweet , we only regret the things in life we didn't do

[ow****]

We don’t get to pick who we fall for

[ow****]

Life happens unexpectedly

[Deleted Member]

I’d suggest offering to renegotiate the terms of your agreement as feelings developing in these types of relationships are natural and completely normal

[Si****]

I certainly hope so. The DDLG relationship always does better when you were emotionally involved with each other hopefully one day I will find someone like you.

[j_****]

It’s oxytocin. Spend enough time enjoying someone’s company and your brain develops hormones to strengthen the bond. Work it out with him now before you’re off the deep and he might be another page or deal with the likelihood of rejection later.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, j_wright said:

It’s oxytocin. Spend enough time enjoying someone’s company and your brain develops hormones to strengthen the bond. Work it out with him now before you’re off the deep and he might be another page or deal with the likelihood of rejection later.

Absolutely it is and guess what guys have that too 😉😂

Edited March 20, 2023 by Deleted Member
Rewording

[ho****]

Just do it ! Life’s too short , what’s to loose ? As long as you have life and access to other guys and shedding a few tears here and there ! Just do it ! He might be feeling the same way and if not , just go back to doing what you used to doing together !

[De****]

This is normal when getting so intimate for so long. My advice for you if you would like to maintain the relarionship as its flavour is changing, is to keep guarding your rules and structure. If needed you can make changes in the rules but dont start breaking rules - try not to let go of the structure that you have built together. I say this because when your system is changing the relationship is suddenly not relying on the same principles as before and that sometimes might not work for you in the same way that connected you together and made you feel safe and open.

[Chloebear]

This is to be expected when spending time with someone for a while but especially in DDLG. In D/s in general I find the feelings are amplified beyond a vanilla relationship, whether you want them to be or not. Boundaries about no romantic involvement are often set for a number of reasons. I agree with others that say it’s worth talking about this with your Dom. If mutual, you’ve hit the jackpot (well, in my opinion) - a D/s and relationship potentially with someone you connect with. If it’s not mutual, you know earlier and it IS possible to back feelings off, put the boundaries back and manage it, or take a different route if needs be. The consuming feeling you describe is very common for subs I would say, but because it also connects to a part of what drives us as much as the relationship, it can be possible to control it differently to, say, heartbreak (in my experience at least). So, yes…. Be open. Wishing you the best :)