New to DDLG - A Daddy Dom

[Ti****]

I feel a lot of the ‘Daddy’ dynamic will be, or become, instinctive and intuitive to most DD’s. To help, guide, advise, teach, nurture and give a ‘little’ all she requires from a Daddy. For most new DD’s these qualities will already exist as part of their natural generic make up, like a jigsaw in a box. The pieces are already there…they just need piecing together to see the bigger picture and give meaning and some kind of assemblance to their new role and responsibilities.

The fundamental aspects, as in any power exchange relationship, are rules, structure, guidelines, boundaries, limits and discipline. Every little will be unique with her individual qualities but these should be present and apply to all DDLG relationships.

For any D/s relationship to be successful there must be some basic guidelines in place. It is true that no two relationships will share the same dynamic but some basic agreements must exist. Without these you’ll go outside the boundaries of the dynamic and what a D/s relationship is considered to be. Each couple should have their own set of guidelines but I feel some are universal.

· No physical, mental or emotional harm

This is not to suggest that discipline, spanking or any behavior correction should be ignored but it’s NOT designed to cause real/actual injury to the partner. Pain may be used as a punishment for correcting behavior or pleasure but it’s not the sole purpose of the relationship.

· Agreed limits between the two partners

These are different from personal limits. They’re a pre-arranged set of limits that both partners agree too. (For example; No third parties to be involved in the relationship under any circumstance or a limited number of people that are allowed to participate in a scene). It’s important to discuss these before the D/s relationship begins and these lines are never to be crossed without at least some discussion beforehand. Boundaries can and do change over time as the relationship progresses.

· Safe words

All submissives should have safe words or some sort of way to communicate that the scene needs to stop completely or halt temporarily. It could be that the sub is in great pain or danger, or for clarification purposes. Safe words need to be something outside of the dynamic. Remember, “Ouch” is not a safe word.

Try to use simple easy to remember words but most importantly, know and understand exactly what they mean.

Red = Stop, Yellow = Halt are very common safe words to use.

Some important information to consider:

· Communication

o Both partners must have clear, open and honest communication if the relationship is to be a success. The submissive needs to be open about their feelings and the Dominant must be receptive to this. The dominant must also be aware and conscious of mood, demeanor and non-verbal cues from the sub. The Dom is aiming for his ideal of what a submissive should be, the submissive must aim to achieve this level too or the relationship can degrade and become abusive and fail to be pleasurable.

If communication is lacking or not present, both partners will become unsatisfied. D/s is for mutual enjoyment and satisfaction. Limits and safe words assist to ensure both partners have the same mutual pleasure and experience.


· Rules, rewards and punishment

A crucial part of a D/s relationship and one where a lot of issues and problems arise. Over-correcting for infractions, non-compliance to rewards or praise for the sub and ignoring minor misdemeanors or ignoring rules that have been deliberately broken. The submissive agrees to obey her rules and follow the guidelines, the Dominant agrees to discipline and correct behavior and follow protocol. This is the agreement and one that must be followed with consistency. Without the consistency a submissive will quickly lose respect for the Dom.

One mistake that’s often made is the over use of rules. Having too many rules that the Dom cannot remember or forgets is very frustrating for a sub and also confusing. It is far better in the beginning of the relationship to have fewer rules rather than too many and as the relationship develops, expand on them over time.

Over correcting for every minor infraction is also a very poor practice. It will make the sub feel worthless and she will only do what is required of her for fear of reprisal. She will, over time, have no desire to please the Dom. Eventually the Dom will realize he has little to no control over her and the relationship crumbles.

Punishments do not have to equate to pain. For a masochistic submissive she will most likely ‘act out’ to receive a punishment as she will see it more as a reward. Removal of privileges, a cleaning task, written lines, etc. are far more beneficial and appropriate. For minor infractions use minor discipline, save the more severe methods for deliberate infractions.

Punishment should be used to correct an infraction or lack of action. Never punish out of anger, frustration or retaliation. Real injury can occur, safe words become nullified and limits do not exist. A Dom that punishes in anger is on a road to an abusive relationship. It’s very difficult to have empathy when one is angry. Take a ‘time out’ for reflecting. Inflicting pain is not the goal, it is one of the tools to be used by a Dom to ensure rules and protocols are adhered too.

Rewards show a sub that the Dom is pleased. It’s a way of showing love and that he cares about her wellbeing. It acknowledges her proper behavior and reinforces it. It is how a Dominant creates the willingness in a submissive to want to please him. A happy sub will want to make keeping her Dom happy a number one priority and avoid any action that may result in disappointment.

From the perspective of the Daddy Dom, listen to your little. Let her talk and do not interrupt her when she speaks or be too hasty to respond or judge what she is saying to you. Let her open up to you, let her gain your trust. Treat her with respect, with dignity and allow her voice her opinions. Allow her to participate in your activities and show her she is an equal in the relationship. Her role is to follow a Daddy’s direction and to please him. She is not beneath you, she is your lover, your companion and best friend. When she pleases you she will expect to be rewarded. When she displeases you or fails you in anyway then a consequence is what she expects. She needs to be corrected and guided by you and shown how to act and what is and is not acceptable. A little will genuinely care for and want to please her Daddy, not out of fear, but out of love. She wants to give her Daddy pleasure and does not want to disappoint him, ever. A little will take great pleasure from the fact that she pleased her Daddy and Daddy is proud of her.

For the benefit of the reader, this is not a guide. Mealy some advice that may or may not be informative or helpful to those interested in DDLG. This is also gender universal. Thank you.

[Lo****]

This was amazing. And sorely needed 👏👏👏

[Sl****]

OMG THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

[ut****]

Well said

[lolli-leigh]

Fabulous :)

[Li****]

You had me all the way before, and including, "She is not beneath you. She is your lover, your companion, and your best friend."- Great lines.
The rest is well explained and good advice to take. Especially more than some ever seek, and for the general, very broad subject of DDLG.
Nice one.🥂

[wo****]

Great bit of advice

[Isme]

I wish more Daddy Doms would read this instead of pretending they know how to love submissives/Littles.

Edited April 19 by Isme
Correct spelling.

[My****]

Great advice for new or inexperienced daddy doms! The big ticket item to take from all this is - taking punishments and rewards seriously!!

If she’s done a good job all day, listened to daddy and followed the rules she should get be rewarded. Even if it’s a small prize like an ice creme cone, or a new colouring book. If you don’t do this littles won’t understand what is defined as good behaviour, sometime lashing out. I use a “star chart” each day she gets a star for good behaviour that she can redeem for prizes. Completing daily tasks can earn a bonus star.

For Punishment “the punishment must fit the crime”. You can’t just spank your little for something minimal or she’s got to truly earn it, and understand her punishment to correct the action. For example:

1 swearing - bar of soap/corner time
2 sneaking candy - no desert
3Too much gaming - no internet in the evening or gaming restrictions for a period of time
4 staying up late - early bed time.

You need to punish her, she’ll give you the “puppy eye” and “please, please, please, I’ll be good now routine”, you still need to punish her and she’ll respect you for it. If you don’t and fall for her trap. In time she will loose respect and trust in your ability to be a strong daddy for her in little space.