Making time

[YorkshireBiker]

Hi all,

I’ll give you the boring details before asking a very important question. The wife works full time as a nurse, 12hr shifts on a busy medical ward. She gets out of bed at 5am but doesn’t usually get to bed until after 11pm 3 days a week and is usually knackered on the first day off. Add to that a ***age girl who’s bedtime is getting later and later (usually 10pm) we usually manage once a week, occasionally twice. 
 

knowing this, how often would you guys think is often enough? I would prefer it more often or might this be unrealistic? Any tips on how to find more time?

[un****]

on her first day off make her breakfast get run a bath etc just do things that’ll relax her give her a bit of energy and make it a bit romantic. i can’t speak on the kid part tho i have no experience there

[le****]

You don’t always have to do sexual intercourse to make your women happy. It’s a massive turn on when men take the initiative and give their partner something will make them relax and in return you’ll be happy because your partner is happy. Foot rubs, bubble baths, movie and cuddles; the options are endless. ❤️ I think twice is great. She works long hours, maybe surprise her on her break? 😏

[Deleted Member]

Get a higher paying job so she can work less :) you’ll never be too tired

[do****]

You in a tough one pal. First, you must be supportive. Have the conversation with her. What are her needs and share what are yours. After that it's a compromise. I've been there. If she finds the time, sexy texts, pictures, voicemails, etc. that she can send while at work to help get you off might help because masterbation is your only other option if you want to remain faithful. I don't know how your relationship is but I have heard of spouses finding people their spouse can sleep with when they cannot. Hope this helps.

[sa****]

hotel room! always a tool. especially if said *** is old enough to stay home alone?

[lo****]

I hear you loud and clear.. I’m in the same boat.. my wife is a nurse work the same long hours like your wife but as on top of that 90 minutes commute each way.,
Needless to say she comes home super tired.. in the days off she wants to sleep and relax..
We rarely do it once a week .. twice if I’m lucky.
Also my ***age daughters stay awake late which make it difficult to be intimate freely with my wife.
I know she is dedicated to her job and she is very hard worker .. but I need more intimacy and more sex..
Most of the time when I insist she give in but I know she is not in the mood and just doing it to keep me quite.. I hate that feeling!!!

[Deleted Member]

Honestly, however often you two manage is the right amount. If you want it more often then make the time. If you can't manage it now then be happy with what you have.

Here's my long term relationship resume: First wife I was lucky if I got lucky once a month. Second wife a few times a week. Most recent girlfriend was every chance we could.

[ey****]

making use of annual leave

you are going to have this problem with her long shifts that after work play is not possible - and of course days off are often used to recover from working 

this said, if you are in any form of submissive position to her, anything you can proactively do to make her time at home easier will both be a good form of serving and worship and also be less things to tire her.  If she is coming home and not having to worry about cooking or housework for example

this said, being able to play once, or sometimes twice, per week is a lot more than a lot of folk manage

but yep, co-ordinating time off together to potentially go 'away' and make full use of the time is ideal.  When I say 'away' even just a local hotel can make a difference 

[CopperKnob]

8 minutes ago, longislandny said:

I hear you loud and clear.. I’m in the same boat.. my wife is a nurse work the same long hours like your wife but as on top of that 90 minutes commute each way.,
Needless to say she comes home super tired.. in the days off she wants to sleep and relax..
We rarely do it once a week .. twice if I’m lucky.
Also my ***age daughters stay awake late which make it difficult to be intimate freely with my wife.
I know she is dedicated to her job and she is very hard worker .. but I need more intimacy and more sex..
Most of the time when I insist she give in but I know she is not in the mood and just doing it to keep me quite.. I hate that feeling!!!

"When I insist"?! You know what you're alluding to in this statement don't you?

[CopperKnob]

A different perspective
Not only is your wife physically on her feet for 12hrs a day, she's in a helping profession, on hospital ward, the emotional burden of this will be unknown to many. Add to that any CPD to maintain her registration. On top of that, she's got childcare, managing the home and you to care for. Likely parents/other family members and certainly friends and hobbies/interests
And your writing a post which ultimately comes down to "I'm not getting enough intimacy/sex?"
I'm a little surpised having seen other comments you've made here
Welcome to the modern world where women don't just stay home and open their legs anytime a man wants

[Li****]

This is why I live this specific community. These responses even from your fellow males.
You have the answer in your question, as is quite often here.
It isn't a you or her issue.
It's just unfortunately life/work circumstances.
She's probably deprived herself and wants to more than is, possible.
Try to be empathetic of you's and her. Long hours, long work life is her week. And yours as a whole. As suggested above, the more weight you can take by doing little things, will honestly mean the world. (Speaking from an ex support worker during covid at its worst on 24hr shifts that almost always turned into 3 days/nights in a row). Running a bath, ordering a takeaway, massages, little notes in lunch packs, all makes a huge difference. Effort in equals effort regurgitated naturally. Wish you's the best entirely 🔥

[Deleted Member]

Here's a question: what can you do to take things off your wife's plate so she feels less overwhelmed? House work, groceries? What can you to do make her feel appreciated? Compliments. Randomly buy a candy she likes. She's very likely running on overwhelm. Having the mental capacity is as important as having the energy.

[St****]

One of many reasons I am learning to love ENM/KT poly lifestyle. If either of us needs more attention, we find a friend in need . I do prefer the more LTR a lot more than one night stands .

[Deleted Member]

Bless your heart! Well, with a job like that bless her heart too. I like Strider69’s suggestion, but that’s the kinkster in me. It has worked for me though. I currently hook up with my high school boyfriend from 35 years ago, love it, makes me feel 18 again.

[ge****]

3 hours ago, Strider69 said:

One of many reasons I am learning to love ENM/KT poly lifestyle. If either of us needs more attention, we find a friend in need . I do prefer the more LTR a lot more than one night stands .

Thing is the poly/open lifestyle isn't a fix for all and in some instances it can just widen any cracks and ultimately lead to the relationship failing - though great it works for you.
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OP most of it has been said, it's about what *you* can do to help her and remove any of the "home" things to help make time for you both, along with a level of acceptance of circumstances and knowing things may just be this way due to those circumstances.
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Make the most of what you have whilst looking at how you can improve things for her.
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That said you've not mentioned if she feels the same or even if you've had a conversation with her about it? Perhaps that would be a good place to start, you'll need to be careful how you approach it and show empathy and not come across as demanding, but if you haven't had that conversation you may be surprised by the response, or she may be feeling the same way and suggest ways to find that time you crave.

[Deleted Member]

You said wife that's a nurse?... wit a ***age girl in the house? You're a lucky man to even be getting it ad often as you do... just sayin 🤷

[YorkshireBiker]

I try to whatever she needs around the house when I’m not at work. I cook meals for the family, I do a most of the clothes washing, drying and put it away, same with the pots, I run her a candle lit bath most nights and wash her back, get the heated blanket on for her so the beds nice and warm, make her cuppas when she wants one, drive her everywhere (literally everywhere apart from work and back), she likes plants so I’ve taken her pretty much every garden centre we can get to on our days off together, she also enjoys walking outdoors so I take us to different places.

The there’s the diy, I’ve knocked down walls remodelled and fitted a new kitchen and bathroom as she wanted that, I do all the repair work and maintenance on the house. There’s probably more if I give it some though.

I’m not a man who sits about and expects her to do it all. At least I hope I’m not a crappy husband.

[ge****]

19 minutes ago, YorkshireBiker said:

I try to whatever she needs around the house when I’m not at work. I cook meals for the family, I do a most of the clothes washing, drying and put it away, same with the pots, I run her a candle lit bath most nights and wash her back, get the heated blanket on for her so the beds nice and warm, make her cuppas when she wants one, drive her everywhere (literally everywhere apart from work and back), she likes plants so I’ve taken her pretty much every garden centre we can get to on our days off together, she also enjoys walking outdoors so I take us to different places.

The there’s the diy, I’ve knocked down walls remodelled and fitted a new kitchen and bathroom as she wanted that, I do all the repair work and maintenance on the house. There’s probably more if I give it some though.

I’m not a man who sits about and expects her to do it all. At least I hope I’m not a crappy husband.

Sounds like you're doing all the right things and it may just come down to circumstances getting in the way, and to an extent you may have to be prepared to accept that.
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Do think it worth having a conversation with her about it, if you've not already done so, she may be feeling the same, or at least knows the situation better than a bunch of strangers on the Internet to be able to give an objective view.

[De****]

Making more time is not possible. Just make the most of the time you DO have. Quality not quantity. In between, take care of yourself. Sexting and flirting helps keep the feeling going, and things may get better when the ***ager leaves, or gets old enough to stay out all night. Take the long view!

[YorkshireBiker]

It was her idea to get some outside opinions and we put the question on together, we both want to improve things but we can’t see how. She thought asking here where people manage family/work/kink time might offer something we haven’t thought of. 

[lo****]

Going to keep it real, she aint into you anymore, this is why happily married mean have a mistress away from home, just dont tell her or a sjw.

[ge****]

55 minutes ago, london807942 said:

Going to keep it real, she aint into you anymore, this is why happily married mean have a mistress away from home, just dont tell her or a sjw.

Read the OPs previous comment, it was his wife's suggestion to ask for opinions/advice here!!
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In fact nothing he has said suggests she's not into him any more - quite the opposite - so that's quite the leap you've made there!!

[ge****]

1 hour ago, YorkshireBiker said:

It was her idea to get some outside opinions and we put the question on together, we both want to improve things but we can’t see how. She thought asking here where people manage family/work/kink time might offer something we haven’t thought of. 

Ah ok makes sense and apologies if I misconstrued with my previous comments suggesting discussing with her.
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It's a difficult one and think all you can do is perhaps plan things a little in advance - maybe weekends away when she's going to be off - or even, as someone else suggested, a few hours in a hotel on one of her days off - many hotels offer rooms by the hour.
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Or perhaps depending on whether any are nearby plan a night at a swingers club or kink location.
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Know that takes some of the spontaneity out of things but at least gives you something to look forward to and perhaps build up to with teasing and flirting.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, london807942 said:

Going to keep it real, she aint into you anymore, this is why happily married mean have a mistress away from home, just dont tell her or a sjw.

this is one of the things I think where men are not actually ready for a relationship

a relationship might start with a little extra energy, but then soon life catches up - and that might be longer work shifts or having to prioritise other stuff 

kinda what is known as "New relationship energy" or "Honeymoon Period"
 

if you can't kinda settle when things are needed, you're not mature enough for a relationship - and yep this is when the relationships might end, or, the man decides instead of supporting the relationship, he will cheat.

In this case it sounds like the OP is supporting the relationship and for that it is bearing fruit.