The Cinderella Complex

[AKA_Copper]

There’s this amazing sub in my imagination. She’s the best of the best, a glowing example of what I should be to earn my “sub stripes". Let's call her Cinderella since her step family can be likened to Sadists, giving daily orders, humiliating and punishing her as they see fit; albeit probably non consensually. In the story, Cinderella is constantly striving towards increasingly extreme levels of subservience and the imaginary sub in my head is no different.

Cinderella never says no. Not to breath play. Not to CNC. Not to any damn thing. Even if it threatens her happiness or health.

Obviously Cinderella has few limits. Mainly just *** and anything illegal. The exact same hard limits everyone puts on their profiles. She’s bisexual, a unicorn and polyamorous, of course. Even if I’m none of those things. You see, she’s got to fulfil every Dominant’s fantasy, and that means being a walking, talking, people pleasing sex doll. Cinderella is a-okay with breath play, knives, needles and TPE. She knows all the slave positions even though the only thing I know is the routine to the Macarena. Back when I was a new sub, I tried to emulate Cinderella in everything I did.

I’ve been around for a while now, so I know that Cinders isn’t all that. I used to think that if I could be a good enough submissive, a Dominant would become a good enough Dom, almost Princely. But that’s not usually how these things work out because life is not a fairytale. If you want a good man, you’ve got to stop trying to be a fairytale sub.

Cinders still has a special place in my brain and heart though. She’s that integral to my ideas of D/s. My natural tendency is to work hard at being a sub. My priority doesn't tend to be working hard at being happy in a D/s dynamic.

I know I’m not the only sub with a Cinderella Complex. I’ve read numerous posts about how to be a better sub, how to please a Dom, a subs upset at not being enough, disappointing their Dom. I've read significantly less about how to be a happy one.

I’ve posting this though, so that we can be clear: pushing yourself to ever-increasing levels of submission doesn’t work unless you’re also pushing yourself to ever-increasing levels of happiness.

[Se****]

I love you. My thoughts, your words again.

Cinderella even has a collar.

But I’m sorely disappointed you only know the moves to the Macarena. What about Saturday Night?

[AKA_Copper]

3 minutes ago, FatefulDestiny said:

I love you. My thoughts, your words again.

Cinderella even has a collar.

But I’m sorely disappointed you only know the moves to the Macarena. What about Saturday Night?

I didn't wanna tell everyone my guilty pleasures 🤦‍♀️

[Se****]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

I didn't wanna tell everyone my guilty pleasures 🤦‍♀️

🤣

[ey****]

it's something subs of any gender can fall into (and, hey, a fair few on the left of the slash who feel they'll be more desirable if they focus on doing things as their sub would like)

at worst, it leaves people open to *** (that someone takes advantage of their naivety around "I'll do anything") and at best leads to unpleasant experiences.

I've stated before imagine a scenario where a sub is only doing something because they think their Dominant wants it - and the Dominant doing it because they think it's play the sub enjoys - and neither of them gets anything from it.

the simple thing is; as stated - like, absolutely there is no issue in doing something for your partners benefit you don't enjoy - but doing that has to fuel your own happiness.  

 

[Si****]

4 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Cinders still has a special place in my brain and heart though. She’s that integral to my ideas of D/s. My natural tendency is to work hard at being a sub. My priority doesn't tend to be working hard at being happy in a D/s dynamic.

Oh CK, one day your prince will come and you are going to make that ‘lucky bastard’ feel like a king!

[AKA_Copper]

6 hours ago, 4RCH said:

Oh CK, one day your prince will come and you are going to make that ‘lucky bastard’ feel like a king!

He can hurry up please 😂

[AKA_Copper]

7 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

it's something subs of any gender can fall into (and, hey, a fair few on the left of the slash who feel they'll be more desirable if they focus on doing things as their sub would like)

at worst, it leaves people open to *** (that someone takes advantage of their naivety around "I'll do anything") and at best leads to unpleasant experiences.

I've stated before imagine a scenario where a sub is only doing something because they think their Dominant wants it - and the Dominant doing it because they think it's play the sub enjoys - and neither of them gets anything from it.

the simple thing is; as stated - like, absolutely there is no issue in doing something for your partners benefit you don't enjoy - but doing that has to fuel your own happiness.  

 

Precisely this