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New to dom/sub dynamics. Interested but overwhelmed.

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So. I got out of a loveless marriage and have been doing the whole online dating thing for a minute... I'm very shy and embarrassingly sexually repressed lmao. So dating has been weird and awkward haha. But then I met this one guy and we vibed so well on our date; we've seen each other 3 times and we're going to keep seeing each other and we text and send pics everyday. Not just sexual ones but day to day shit so I think this might be going somewhere relationship wise.

I know I was instantly attracted to how dominant he is right off the bat. We didn't even talk about anything kinky but I could honestly taste how confident and assertive he is in the air and it was a huge turn on haha. Aaaanyway.

We texted for a bit after our first date and the conversation naturally turned towards sexual things. He told me he's a Dom. And I was like like... a what? Haha. So he explained he's a Daddy Dom but he's not into ageplay, which works for me because that's not something I'm interested in either, but I love the whole Daddy Dom thing...

He said his main interest is in conditioning and training and I guess I understand what that means, but not 100%? I guess it makes me nervous because I don't get what all that can include? We've talked about it but at this point I feel like an idiot because I still have questions.

He's not into ***, although we've talked about spankings and that's a thing he's into. We've had (holy God amazing) sex and he's slapped my ass a bit but not an actual spanking and the whole spanking thing makes me nervous. Like excited but also a little too frightened. I guess I should just tell him that?

I'm just overwhelmed because I'm loving this, he's so sweet and attentive and funny and like kinks aside I genuinely like him and want to date him but also I have no idea what I'm doing? 

We have a ridiculous amount in common. Sorry I know this is a kink forum but I'm getting my wires crossed here. I love the way he treats me and I'm scared I'm getting a crush too soon haha. But back to the point!

I'm soooo into everything he's into. He calls me his good girl and his kitten and that just super gets me going. He tells me what to do but in a sweet way and i just want to make him happy and it just feels nice to listen to him and he always praises me and when i mess up he's so kind about it and doesn't make me feel awkward. But then he's also a little firm sometimes and I love that too. Idk. Like I'm a neat freak and I always make my bed so on autopilot I made his bed yesterday and he text me to thank me profusely. It just melted my heart. 

But also I'm struggling with feeling embarrassed about what I like. We both have a pregnancy kink (told ya we have things in common haha) which I never meant to tell him about but I just sort of did and oh my God when we had sex.... just. Wow. But I'm so embarrassed! I feel ashamed I like being taken care of and called pet names and also being called slut and slave and all the dirty shit he says... and I love calling him Daddy and doing as I'm told and pleasing him just makes my freaking toes curl. How can I stop being ashamed? Because I want to enjoy myself... like last night I went out from drinks w a girl friend of mine and he text me to behave and reminded me he owns me now and I was like equal parts turned on and scared that I had a sign hanging around my neck hahaha.

Any advise in general.... I plan on asking him more stuff but I'd just like info from others as well. Thanks!!



although the member has deleted - I've approved this as may be a good talking point - just assume the OP won't see it.

There is nothing to be ashamed of as you are two consenting adults. However, societal norms and expectations can bring serious anxiety to some who is newly exploring their kink side. The best advise I ever received when I became interested in exploring the life was, talk to your partner. If you feel anxious, confused or if something is on your mind, set some time for an open and honest dialog between you. A good partner should never say or act like you should just get over it. This may very well be something that you will eventually get used to but talking to your partner will also tell them how fast or slow they need to be introducing you to this lifestyle.
  • 3 weeks later...

something struck me as i was reading this and i hope someone can respond to my curiosity. He said she belonged to him and needed to behave. Did they have a conversation where she gave herself to him? maybe i am being too literal, but i thought ownership was made with Informed Consent. Discussing the consequences of choices and still being able to rescind at any time. maybe i am overthinking it but i do not feel comfortable with him declaring she is owned when she is still learning the meanings of terminology. 


I totally agree with you @GRIMMY-9701 sadly the member who wrote this has deleted their profile but it also made me uncomfortable. Being ‘Owned’ by a Dom is one thing but like you say, someone saying they own someone without consent & when the other person is very new & unknowledgeable is quite worrying! Let’s hope she comes back asking for more advice as I don’t think she’s heading for the best gateway into BDSM


My first marriage was very plain and boring when it came to sex. My current husband has slowly introduced me to different styles of bondage and some of his kinks/fetishes. Which I have come to enjoy. He told me in the beginning he likes to switch. He has patiently been waiting for me to just tie him up or do whatever i want to him. But i am having issues with pushing my submissiveness to the side. I am hoping someone can guide me on how to tap into that dominant side. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

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