The barriers to finding a D/s dynamic

[Deleted Member]

I’ve had a few d/s dynamics before, and joined this app to hopefully find what it was I was looking for, but a vast majority of them have just been a waste of time and energy. Many just don’t get the word "no" or "I’m not looking for that" as a good enough answer. Then there are those that you start something with and they just disappear or don’t respond anymore.

I want a dynamic not just for the physical but for the psychological side also. It doesn’t go one without the other for me.

I just wanted to know if any others are have the same issues

[Deleted Member]

KittenJo, sadly I have experienced the very same thing. I even took it into texting off the site with a person who I was going to eventually meet in person and after a month, ghosted. But I’ve experienced exact thing you are writing about. I’m sorry……that sucks.

[Da****]

Unfortunately the lifestyle has become watered down with the “50 shades” crowd.
You have part timers,bored housewives, Dbags trying to see an easy way to just get laid etc. without truly understanding all that’s involved in these dynamics and that they are actually deeper than your run of the mill vanilla type.
Weeding through what’s fake, vs real is easy for the most part, but time consuming and frustrating for those of us that desire and appreciate the real…
Here’s to you finding something worthwhile soon…
It’s out there…
Just harder to find

[Deleted Member]

I’m having the same issues and totally agree with you!!!!

[Sw****]

Yes… me too. It’s frustrating, soul destroying at times. I have no advice but just to let you know that you are not alone in this! 💜

[tr****]

I can't find anyone to say no or yes

[sa****]

Absolutely the same issues. I’m an Alpha-male type personality in daily life, make high cost/consequence decisions at work constantly, etc. I have a submissive streak I’d like to explore, but as soon as I say that to a potential dominant woman, all I get is ‘Slave this, 24/7 devotion that, no contact with other females, always address me as Mistress 24/7….ad infinitum.
It appears to me that many seem to accept only the All or Nothing approach.

[Jo****]

It's always difficult to find a nice connection. For the ones that do not understand or show proper manners, just block them. For the ones that disappear, sometimes life gets in the way, just try to forget and a new person will come.

[Deleted Member]

I think a lot of people will be having similar issues which is a shame as it's the psychology that reall makes things special and greatly enhances the the sexual side.
This is a fetish/kink site though, so not just for D/s relationships - a lot of people will just be wanting to play out their kinks without the other side and there's nothing wrong with that.
The key of course is consent - closely tied to the ability to read a profile, rather than just look at a picture.

Hope you find what you're looking for soon x 

[Ju****]

The wanna be’s and posers just want to exert control, hence the not hearing anything they don’t want to hear. I’ve gotten it from pushy Dommes. But it does happen more with male Doms.

That’s what the vetting process is, getting to know them and weed out the ass hats.

You’ll find yours. And it’ll click.

[Sh****]

Tell me about it, you would not believe how many fake dominant's I've wasted my time with. I'm always trying to be as open and respectful as possible and I either get people that are just trying to scam me, or no replies whatsoever; or they just ghost me... It's fine, I suppose.... Just hard to find this kind of dynamic I guess. Thanks for this post, glad I'm not the only one.

[Deleted Member]

It's not just confined to the kink community, you find similar on all apps & all relationship types, there will always be people who can't accept no as an answer, that can't respect your wishes, you just have to kind of accept it's going to happen, especially online & just not let it get to you, after all the world's full of idiots, just ignore/block them & move on

[pa****]

Oh my God, yes, I feel like it's like the same way. There's so many fake doms out there that are uneducated people when it comes to this matter what it really takes to. DS dynamic.... bdsm is so much more than just sex and that's how you can tell the fake from the real ones

[al****]

Amen. Can’t agree more

[Deleted Member]

Hi KittenJo, Your lucky you get responses I don't get reply at all.

[Deleted Member]

100%. There are a lot of people online living out fantasies, and there are people with good intentions who freak out and flake. There are also those who have seen some edgy porn and then call themselves kinksters with bo education or reflection. It's a minefield. My advice is cast the net wider than this app and attend as much in person stuff as possible.

[Pu****]

Completely agree with you. Too many wannabes out there who don’t understand the true dynamics of the lifestyle. It isn’t always about sex.

[Deleted Member]

Thanks for the comments just needed to air it out, and I agree with a lot of what you all said, and it is the same all over. I don’t let it get me down but it is frustrating at times and sometimes I just need to air it out. It is a shame that true ones are hard to come by now and it is easier to spot the fake ones most of the time and I do just ignore them, and I have nothing wrong with people wanting to explore whatever they choose.

[Pe****]

Absolutely. It takes time and patience to find what you’re looking for in this lifestyle.
If you’re patient and don’t just settle, you’ll find it

[Pe****]

48 minutes ago, Char__ said:

100%. There are a lot of people online living out fantasies, and there are people with good intentions who freak out and flake. There are also those who have seen some edgy porn and then call themselves kinksters with bo education or reflection. It's a minefield. My advice is cast the net wider than this app and attend as much in person stuff as possible.

I totally agree. Get out there and go to munches and socials. It will come in time

[CopperKnob]

Yeah but isn't that the bonus? They showed you who they were and that you weren't compatible before you got too deeply involved.
Use the app alongside real life stuff. All it is is another tool in the dating toolbox

[do****]

As you can see, you are not alone. Thank you everyone for your shares and the advice is spot on. Things have definitely change since I left the scene almost 20 years ago. Stick to your vetting and most won't make it that far. You live and you learn. People sometimes suck for no reason and sometimes on purpose. It is what it is at this point I have come to accept. Stick to your vetting, your person will come, as well as mines, and everyone else here. We are proof that real people do exist. Keep the hope. They were not worthy of you or any of us. That's the bottom line. We are the winners, they are the losers 🤷🏾‍♂️

[Deleted Member]

I've been pondering the same conundrum and it made me feel better to see it reflected in your post as well. It's a microcosm of human interaction and the same behaviors are found all over society and the internet in particular. Logically the answer is to be patient whilst diligently sifting through the detritus and building any potential connections....On the other hand, me horny. Want all now.

[sa****]

Wow! I test small boundaries and if those can't be accepted, I run. I think a lot of people have curiosity on this site and it doesn't always transfer to any real meaningful "situations". I can only imagine how much harder it is for women.

[de****]

It’s the same in the UK also!