Doms not leading conversations....

[Co****]

We re all such complicated creatures 😁 I ve had afew convos now with men online, and theres just something sometimes in the conversation that ' gets me' , and I think oh yes you re a Dom ' mmmm
I like this.
They are generally respectful, intelligent, humerous, experienced even kind lol😉
I feel like they can 'read me', as if almost Im naked ........but its mental?
Quite intense.

This is rare, and getting more rare 😄

As many have said, its not about giving orders online.

Then theres those who aren't so Dom, but could be......... fun, experimental, playful......and you know it would be a different dynamic, still great.😜
Explorational.

Im fairly shy initially.......and gravitate to more extrovert types,
Im sure many are drawn to the shy types. Theres no rhyme or reason .
You never know who you ll be attracted to.
Must be an Energy thing x

Also theres alot of literature /studies now on the gifts of the Quiet Sensitive person.

Doms , kinky Mother fs .......are people too, and I guess, carefully chat initially, find out about you, read you.......before introducing their ' Dom' side.
Some are naturally Dominant and Dom, some Dominant and not.

Feel Im rambling here, 😄 its an interesting topic which produces alot of thoughts.

I personally wouldn't want to be dommed from the get go.
But early on in my Explorations early last year, I was.
I thought that's how it was.
And Newbies have to be careful.

So Love to all, .....except for the fake twats ,who are out to use!😆xx

[Am****]

I’m very new to this scene but I think doms are people, too, and text conversations with a stranger can feel odd to anyone probably. I’d say give people time to open up to you. OR be patient and wait it out until you find exactly what you’re looking for. 🥰

[lo****]

I just looked at a "conversation" in my inbox that this thread made me think of.

Over a span of about a month, I would get "hey" "hi "wyd" messages every few days.

NO effort beyond that to talk about something, ANYTHING, beyond what felt like poking me to get a response.

Then, with absolutely NO work on their end ask why I hadn't sent them my picture? Because I HAVE one, so they thought they deserved it.

I was already on the brink of ghosting, so instead I told them that such low effort wasn't going to get anything from me.

idc how good looking someone is if they can't carry a conversation.(For those of you saying us subs only go for the hot S types. *rolls eyes*)

[Deleted Member]

Find quite a few people don't even bother responding to general messages too. So can't expect a Dom to lead if unresponsive

[Deleted Member]

Thursday at 12:34 PM, CosmicAngel said:

We re all such complicated creatures 😁 I ve had afew convos now with men online, and theres just something sometimes in the conversation that ' gets me' , and I think oh yes you re a Dom ' mmmm
I like this.
They are generally respectful, intelligent, humerous, experienced even kind lol😉
I feel like they can 'read me', as if almost Im naked ........but its mental?
Quite intense.

This is rare, and getting more rare 😄

As many have said, its not about giving orders online.

Then theres those who aren't so Dom, but could be......... fun, experimental, playful......and you know it would be a different dynamic, still great.😜
Explorational.

Im fairly shy initially.......and gravitate to more extrovert types,
Im sure many are drawn to the shy types. Theres no rhyme or reason .
You never know who you ll be attracted to.
Must be an Energy thing x

Also theres alot of literature /studies now on the gifts of the Quiet Sensitive person.

Doms , kinky Mother fs .......are people too, and I guess, carefully chat initially, find out about you, read you.......before introducing their ' Dom' side.
Some are naturally Dominant and Dom, some Dominant and not.

Feel Im rambling here, 😄 its an interesting topic which produces alot of thoughts.

I personally wouldn't want to be dommed from the get go.
But early on in my Explorations early last year, I was.
I thought that's how it was.
And Newbies have to be careful.

So Love to all, .....except for the fake twats ,who are out to use!😆xx

To the core of the OP, anyone who claims the role of Dom who is not willing to lead a conversation with a new interested party, even if only to assess whether there is chemistry, is not a Dom. Pure and simple. Some subs may want to confess all their kinks and foibles and trauma and that is well and good.

A Dom still seeks and retains control. We permit the sub to ramble, but control remains.

[ge****]

2 hours ago, ADTFEUTA said:

Find quite a few people don't even bother responding to general messages too. So can't expect a Dom to lead if unresponsive

It's not a case of not "bothering" though - it's a case of choosing not too, for a variety of possible reasons - "not bothering" would suggest that they really should be replying, no matter how innocuous the messags, when actually there's no "should" about it - people choose whether to respond or not, the same as we choose whether to respond to the leaflet from the pizza parlour that comes through our door.

[Co****]

MasterLot......your message referring to me......
What is your point specifically to me?

[4R****]

1 hour ago, MasterLot said:

To the core of the OP, anyone who claims the role of Dom who is not willing to lead a conversation with a new interested party, even if only to assess whether there is chemistry, is not a Dom.

In your opinion I assume?
Because that's a very bold statement to make!

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, MasterLot said:

To the core of the OP, anyone who claims the role of Dom who is not willing to lead a conversation with a new interested party, even if only to assess whether there is chemistry, is not a Dom. Pure and simple. Some subs may want to confess all their kinks and foibles and trauma and that is well and good.

A Dom still seeks and retains control. We permit the sub to ramble, but control remains.

"A new interested party" is
a) a really odd way of referring to someone you're trying to build a connection/relationship with
and
b) not submissive to some random "Dom" in their inbox
A Dom may "seek and retain control" but they aren't a Dom unless with a sub, those that try that approach need to check themselves

[ge****]

2 hours ago, MasterLot said:

To the core of the OP, anyone who claims the role of Dom who is not willing to lead a conversation with a new interested party, even if only to assess whether there is chemistry, is not a Dom. Pure and simple. Some subs may want to confess all their kinks and foibles and trauma and that is well and good.

A Dom still seeks and retains control. We permit the sub to ramble, but control remains.

About the only thing that saved you there in my opinion is the word "willing" and even then only just.
.
At the point of initial contact there is no domination or submission between those concerned, just two equals who may ascribe to those roles but at that point are neither dominant or submissive to each other, but equals getting the measure of each other and as such it's two way conversation with neither leading.
.
Yes, over time those roles may develop but it still doesn't necessarily mean one should "lead" a conversation over the other, though if agreed it can be the case, but it certainly doesn't make someone less dominant or indeed submissive if it's not.
.
Again it comes down to applying generalisations and personal definitions to something that's as individual as the two (or more) people interacting and as such is defined by those people alone.

[Ju****]

2 hours ago, MasterLot said:

To the core of the OP, anyone who claims the role of Dom who is not willing to lead a conversation with a new interested party, even if only to assess whether there is chemistry, is not a Dom. Pure and simple. Some subs may want to confess all their kinks and foibles and trauma and that is well and good.

A Dom still seeks and retains control. We permit the sub to ramble, but control remains.

You are wrong.

Narrow minded view. 

A dom doesn't assert himself over someone or anyone unless established and if he does...then that's not a dom... 

You don't control anything or anyone without consent.  End of.

[lo****]

6 hours ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

You don't control anything or anyone without consent.  End of

Because there are some dense people who don't get it.

Control without consent is at the very *LEAST* ***. Can be more serious terms attached depending on scale.

[4R****]

9 hours ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

You don't control anything or anyone without consent.  End of.

Again….. just in case they didn’t hear it at the back!!

[ey****]

there's a few... interesting... comments

And we've hit 5 pages on a simple thread - so, here's a few thoughts

A golden rule is you might (consider yourself to) be a Dominant, or a submissive, or whatever - but you are not that to the other person.   Some people do like to slide into 'role' in discussions, but then other people don't always like it when the person does that.

(some people will now say "it's not a role it's who I am!" but there are still a lot of differences in how you interact with someone.  You can be assertive without being an a**ehole.  You can be conversational without being a cliché.  Regardless even if you're sure you're the Domliest Dominant - you are not that to the other person, yet.)

Conversing online can be difficult.  Lack of tone. Lack of body language.  If you're chatting with someone and you get basic responses it's difficult to gauge if they're disinterested, overwhelmed, if when you ask "How are you doing?" and they respond "I'm fine" whether that's said while they're smiling, happy to have received contact from you, whether it's with a sigh of "another loser with small talk" or of course whether they may be interested in talking to you but "How are you doing?" is such a loaded question because, no one really wants to hear/share negative with/from a stranger.

Also when we say "Doms should lead conversation" - what about in F/m?

What if the sub contacted them?  Cos regardless of roles, genders or dynamics "I contacted you, now you lead conversation" is kinda rude.

Context of course is everything on whether it's two total strangers, whether there's built rapport, whether it's discussions about play or dynamic.

Certainly towards the end the Dominant should be taking more of a lead, if nothing else in the sense of - I dunno... "Have you been flogged before?", "Yes!", "Do you prefer thuddy or stingy?", "I prefer thuddy", "OK, let me show you some floggers"

or perhaps the answer is no, in which case it might be "OK, let me show you some floggers and I'll talk you through each one and how it feels and we can decide from there"

-

But certainly, as a point may be. If you're conversing with someone and you're interested in them and they seem to be struggling online, it is OK to help/message/prompt them.   They might be struggling because they think you're not interested and... actually...  a sub being able to communicate is always a good thing.

So they don't end up going along with the flogging when it's too hard or unpleasant, if nothing else.

 

[li****]

Ugh I couldnt imagine a self described Dom being shy about taking the lead while talking! It's certainly not an issue for me as I love being in control of the conversation. Perhaps some men aren't committed to the idea of being a Dom 24/7 and it comes and Goes, leading to reaching out all excited to being wary as the horniness Wears off. Or maybe these so called doma aren't as dominate as they think they are. Only God truly knows.

[4R****]

41 minutes ago, lightskinandlonghair said:

Ugh I couldnt imagine a self described Dom being shy about taking the lead while talking! It's certainly not an issue for me as I love being in control of the conversation. Perhaps some men aren't committed to the idea of being a Dom 24/7 and it comes and Goes, leading to reaching out all excited to being wary as the horniness Wears off. Or maybe these so called doma aren't as dominate as they think they are. Only God truly knows.

Your first post in the forum and you've chosen to use it to offend other members - Well done!!

[li****]

Thanks!

[Ju****]

1 hour ago, lightskinandlonghair said:

Ugh I couldnt imagine a self described Dom being shy about taking the lead while talking! It's certainly not an issue for me as I love being in control of the conversation. Perhaps some men aren't committed to the idea of being a Dom 24/7 and it comes and Goes, leading to reaching out all excited to being wary as the horniness Wears off. Or maybe these so called doma aren't as dominate as they think they are. Only God truly knows.

I am gonna take a wild guess you've not read any of the comments in this thread. 

 

I have no words without sounding like an ass if I reply further..

[4R****]

27 minutes ago, lightskinandlonghair said:

Thanks!

So you're proud of yourself?
Like Jen, I have no words!

[li****]

Getting blowback this hard on fetlife is very funny to me. I apologize tho you're are correct I didn't read any of the comments. I was blinded by hyperfocus from the morning Adderall. I meant no ill will to any Doms out there and hope they all have a great day!

[ey****]

9 minutes ago, lightskinandlonghair said:

Getting blowback this hard on fetlife is very funny to me.

You're not on Fetlife.

This isn't fetlife

9 minutes ago, lightskinandlonghair said:

I apologize tho you're are correct I didn't read any of the comments.

you're preaching about "real Dom" yet you have no idea what website you're even on, nor actually listen to what anyone is saying.

Instead you dive in two footed and make an ass of yourself.  If you were as "committed" as you think others should be you might pay attention to your surroundings.

[Ju****]

22 minutes ago, lightskinandlonghair said:

Getting blowback this hard on fetlife is very funny to me. I apologize tho you're are correct I didn't read any of the comments. I was blinded by hyperfocus from the morning Adderall. I meant no ill will to any Doms out there and hope they all have a great day!

This is not fetlife 😬 

But yes reading the comments may have completely changed your comment. 

 

Dominant by nature or persona, doesn't matter with conversations in early stages. 

You cannot control anyone or anything without consent and someone respecting there's not yet a baseline of consent due to a new conversation, doesn't make them a crap or fake dom. 

Makes them a normal human being. Equals, to those they are conversing with. That's the point. 

[To****]

21 hours ago, MasterLot said:

To the core of the OP, anyone who claims the role of Dom who is not willing to lead a conversation with a new interested party, even if only to assess whether there is chemistry, is not a Dom. Pure and simple. Some subs may want to confess all their kinks and foibles and trauma and that is well and good.

A Dom still seeks and retains control. We permit the sub to ramble, but control remains.

I find comments like this slightly disturbing.  Control is given, not taken.  It's about consent and respect.  The whole roles in BDSM are, lets be honest, a form of roleplay.  You can live it 24/7, but you still need to have safe words and agreed limits.  In your opinion, I'm not a "real" Dom because I don't demand control?  That's intimidation, not mutual, consentual respect.

[Deleted Member]

You've answered your own question already

[Deleted Member]

There should be a certain level of assertiveness no doubt. But it should be heavily peppered with respect and nurturing of you