Doms not leading conversations....

[Je****]

6 minutes ago, AnyoneForRealHere said:

I don’t think there are many true doms here. A dom leaning switch is not a Dom.

Pray tell, what is a "true dom" please? 

[Je****]

I also stand by my comment. 

 

Just because someone has a dominant title on here or in real life, does NOT mean they have to make first moves, make the conversation flow, or anything else. 

They are a regular human being foremost, and expecting someone who is dominant to make all the first moves or assuming incompatibility because they won't press things before established, is lazy and expecting from the submissive. Or anyone who expects someone to be a certain way to suit them. 

As I said, people first, once you can gel as friends and acquaintances, have met then set limits, boundaries and whatever else you like and wish to do and try within a dynamic, then you can assume away, as you've communicated. But that should not be expected until or before a dynamic is begun. 

Equal effort, time and respect as I mentioned, if you want to put that all on one person due to their role, you're probably not a nice person. Why should the dominant be cast as incompatible, or a fake dominant, simply for being patient and perhaps letting you take control of a conversation, to make sure you're revealing what you want, when you want, and making you comfortable? That in my eyes, is a very good dominant, when they wait.

[To****]

6 minutes ago, AnyoneForRealHere said:

I don’t think there are many true doms here. A dom leaning switch is not a Dom.

With respect, I think you are possibly not looking at this is the right way.  Or not looking in the right places.  Dom/Sub/Switch is a role.  You won't really know until you are in an intimate conversation with them.  You can't really tell from reading their profile or chatting a couple of times.  You need a good month of regular convestation, and some intimate chat/banter etc before you can start to get to know their role and personality. 

 

[Nylon-Nellie]

@Jeneral_WhoreWell said and people seem to forget......person first kink second.

A conversation is a two way thing. I have had past conversations where the conversation has flowed and equally conversations that have fizzled out.

A comment on this thread has mentioned vetting from the initial message. Isn't the early initial messages meant to be getting to know one another instead of jumping straight into kink talk? 

[Kr****]

I agree with the above, but not only that I've found that the majority of men (not all I might add) tend to try and say or do what they think people want to hear, when no clues are given they tend to lose interest or freeze up. Mainly due to the ratio in the world of online stuff, explained that wrong but I know what I meant lol

[Deleted Member]

That’s all wonderful. Fake people behind fake profiles posting gym selfies and asking for *** is not a Dom. And that’s largely what’s here. Thanks for this thought provoking exercise.

[Je****]

6 minutes ago, AnyoneForRealHere said:

That’s all wonderful. Fake people behind fake profiles posting gym selfies and asking for *** is not a Dom. And that’s largely what’s here. Thanks for this thought provoking exercise.

Oh I agree that is not a dominant at all, but you said Real Doms, so what are the real ones? We can spot the fake ones sure, but is there a specific quality or trait that you believe all should have? 

I mean, your comments sound very passive, and almost agitated or sarcastic. I am unsure why 

[Je****]

14 minutes ago, Nylon-Nellie said:

@Jeneral_WhoreWell said and people seem to forget......person first kink second.

A conversation is a two way thing. I have had past conversations where the conversation has flowed and equally conversations that have fizzled out.

A comment on this thread has mentioned vetting from the initial message. Isn't the early initial messages meant to be getting to know one another instead of jumping straight into kink talk? 

Indeed, and some women have posted that if a man doesn't lead a conversation he's not compatible. They have no idea what they're on about, it screams lazy and entitled. Takes two to make effort and bond, not a man persuing a woman and doing all the work. Whether he's submissive or dominant, it's not his "job" from the getgo, until established, then it's right to take the lead. 

[Deleted Member]

17 minutes ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

Indeed, and some women have posted that if a man doesn't lead a conversation he's not compatible. They have no idea what they're on about, it screams lazy and entitled. Takes two to make effort and bond, not a man persuing a woman and doing all the work. Whether he's submissive or dominant, it's not his "job" from the getgo, until established, then it's right to take the lead. 

Well said and agree. As I initially posted, a conversation is two-way not one sided. If wanted it one-sided, may as well talk to a wall.

[Au****]

17 minutes ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

Indeed, and some women have posted that if a man doesn't lead a conversation he's not compatible. They have no idea what they're on about, it screams lazy and entitled. Takes two to make effort and bond, not a man persuing a woman and doing all the work. Whether he's submissive or dominant, it's not his "job" from the getgo, until established, then it's right to take the lead. 

What a judgmental person you are. Preferring the dominant part to lead the conversation is not lazy or entitled at all. I’m a very good talker and I make conversation when it flows. But for me to flow is important to talk with a person who’s dominant (not A dominant, just dominant personality) by nature, and that is felt in the tone of every single interaction, even the first one, though sutil at first, of course. Same for my attitude as a slave. Right now I’m not engaging for other than just regular friendships, but all of them are with natural dominants, either men or women, and whatever role they have. For those like me who’s role is their identity, their language is tied to that and so the people they connect with. Is a matter of chemistry, not a game in which you say you are a cop ot a thief and then has to play the part…………

[Deleted Member]

28 minutes ago, AnyoneForRealHere said:

That’s all wonderful. Fake people behind fake profiles posting gym selfies and asking for *** is not a Dom. And that’s largely what’s here. Thanks for this thought provoking exercise.

You're right, plenty of fakes here. Big influx recently. But given name, sound frustrated with app and community here. So why still here?

[Deleted Member]

I've come across some men who say that they aren't able to carry on a conversation in chat or that they are very shy, but then ask for NSFW photos.
My take on that is if you aren't able to hold your end of the conversation up in text, where you have ample time to think about what you will say then what hope is there when you meet someone in person.
It takes more than a hello.

[ChocolateRopeBunny]

1. I would like to say I appreciate this topic and responses
2. I personally believe this is a general problem with meeting people online and not just a "Dom" not leading a conversation. Mind you I totally understand what you're saying. All I'm saying is if you look at how people interact as a whole online when meeting someone in a relationship forum such as this or even Match the way one presents themselves determines how conversations go. As another person stated, most reach out because not only did something pique their interest on your profile but there is also an immediate physical attraction/spark. But if one doesn't take the time to read a profile or fill it out you soon realize attraction alone won't carry a conversation.

[Je****]

4 minutes ago, AuroraBoreal said:

What a judgmental person you are. Preferring the dominant part to lead the conversation is not lazy or entitled at all. I’m a very good talker and I make conversation when it flows. But for me to flow is important to talk with a person who’s dominant (not A dominant, just dominant personality) by nature, and that is felt in the tone of every single interaction, even the first one, though sutil at first, of course. Same for my attitude as a slave. Right now I’m not engaging for other than just regular friendships, but all of them are with natural dominants, either men or women, and whatever role they have. For those like me who’s role is their identity, their language is tied to that and so the people they connect with. Is a matter of chemistry, not a game in which you say you are a cop ot a thief and then has to play the part…………

Sorry you feel I am judgemental. However In stand by my comment (which is...). 

We are all human beings and no one should feel they need to run after anyone or push a conversation to please someone else based off their role. 

If not in an established dynamic with someone, they owe you nothing. 

Confidence can be sexy sure, but do they NEED to be the one in lead of a conversation, from its starting point, before anything is established? No. No they don't.

And this isn't worthy of striking someone off as incompatible. How disheartening, for not being the one to have to constantly drive a conversation, they are flung aside. 

I am not referring to you personally but in general, it is down to both individuals to make that effort, not one. 

Being a submissive, does that mean they should be spoken to in a dominant and assertive way before anyone even knows them? No. They have a voice and consent is vital before someone starts pressing their "role" on someone. 

Just be regular people, trying to chat, not have someone feel pressured that if they don't do all the work and effort, that they'll be wrote off. 

 

 

And yes their "role" is down to who they are, but they cannot push that on anyone without that basic consent, and actually knowing the person. A lot of the time men feel they constantly need to be pressing at the woman simply for her attention, in the giant pond this is, they should be spoke to equally in effort, if the interest is mutual for both. They shouldn't have to apply their dominance before it's even been discussed. That is for a dynamic. 

[Je****]

10 minutes ago, AuroraBoreal said:

What a judgmental person you are. Preferring the dominant part to lead the conversation is not lazy or entitled at all. I’m a very good talker and I make conversation when it flows. But for me to flow is important to talk with a person who’s dominant (not A dominant, just dominant personality) by nature, and that is felt in the tone of every single interaction, even the first one, though sutil at first, of course. Same for my attitude as a slave. Right now I’m not engaging for other than just regular friendships, but all of them are with natural dominants, either men or women, and whatever role they have. For those like me who’s role is their identity, their language is tied to that and so the people they connect with. Is a matter of chemistry, not a game in which you say you are a cop ot a thief and then has to play the part…………

Also, I am glad you are a good talker and making conversation, perhaps some of the other people need to take a leaf of this, than expect the man to make the effort. It shouldn't ever be "His" job.

[Je****]

14 minutes ago, ADTFEUTA said:

Well said and agree. As I initially posted, a conversation is two-way not one sided. If wanted it one-sided, may as well talk to a wall.

Thank you, I feel you understand what I mean xx

[Deleted Member]

I'm not a Dominant but I experience the same on here with messages. If someone cannot hold a conversation, or find a topic to continue one going, it speaks to a basic lack of either education, intelligence or lukewarm interest.

Either way, I'm not willing to participate. I do not wish to lead or pull teeth for a simple conversation. As you said, I certainly CAN... but that's not what I'm looking for in a dynamic.

[Ca****]

Being dominant doesn't mean we have to initiate conversation... honestly meeting online and assertion of dominance can be awkward and most wouldn't reply. That being said you have to also submit. Which means give your attention and put yourself out there.

[Au****]

15 minutes ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

Sorry you feel I am judgemental. However In stand by my comment (which is...). 

We are all human beings and no one should feel they need to run after anyone or push a conversation to please someone else based off their role. 

If not in an established dynamic with someone, they owe you nothing. 

Confidence can be sexy sure, but do they NEED to be the one in lead of a conversation, from its starting point, before anything is established? No. No they don't.

And this isn't worthy of striking someone off as incompatible. How disheartening, for not being the one to have to constantly drive a conversation, they are flung aside. 

I am not referring to you personally but in general, it is down to both individuals to make that effort, not one. 

Being a submissive, does that mean they should be spoken to in a dominant and assertive way before anyone even knows them? No. They have a voice and consent is vital before someone starts pressing their "role" on someone. 

Just be regular people, trying to chat, not have someone feel pressured that if they don't do all the work and effort, that they'll be wrote off. 

 

 

And yes their "role" is down to who they are, but they cannot push that on anyone without that basic consent, and actually knowing the person. A lot of the time men feel they constantly need to be pressing at the woman simply for her attention, in the giant pond this is, they should be spoke to equally in effort, if the interest is mutual for both. They shouldn't have to apply their dominance before it's even been discussed. That is for a dynamic. 

You just don’t get the point. That’s all.

No, role and identity or personality is not the same thing.

No, you don’t get to say what others should find compatible or their criteria for dismissal. That’s absolutely individual and personal, EVERYONE CAN DECIDE AS THEY SEE FIT, just without hurting others.

No, wanting and preferring something and forcing others into it is not the same thing. NO ONE SHOULD BE ANYTHING THEY DON’T WANT TO. But that doesn’t mean one should like everyone’s ways.

I like the dominant part leading the conversation for a matter of chemistry, even for friendships. What’s the problem? Is my like, as much as I like being spanked. Is a problem that the other is not into impact play? No is not. We are just not compatible. That’s about it.

No need of accusing people of things that are just your opinion.

[Au****]

19 minutes ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

Also, I am glad you are a good talker and making conversation, perhaps some of the other people need to take a leaf of this, than expect the man to make the effort. It shouldn't ever be "His" job.

How about you taking a lead about you expressing your personal likes without attacking others by giving them offensive adjectives?

Say what you like and respect others. Very simple.

[Au****]

14 minutes ago, Serenity7 said:

I'm not a Dominant but I experience the same on here with messages. If someone cannot hold a conversation, or find a topic to continue one going, it speaks to a basic lack of either education, intelligence or lukewarm interest.

Either way, I'm not willing to participate. I do not wish to lead or pull teeth for a simple conversation. As you said, I certainly CAN... but that's not what I'm looking for in a dynamic.

Exactly. And that’s very personal. We all are entitled to like or feel comfortable which whatever we want.

[4R****]

OK some insight into why Dominants might not lead a conversation...... Genuine messages in my inbox:

Example 1:
Random Person: "Hi"
Me: Hey there, how are you?
Random Person: "Gd Thx"
Me: "That's great to hear"
Random Person: ....... [tumbleweed]

Example 2:
Random Person: "Hello"
Me: "Hello"
Random Person: ....... [tumbleweed]


Example 3:
Random Person: "Hi"
Me:  ....... [tumbleweed]

 

Example 4:
Random Person: "Hi! I thought I’d push my way into your inbox and take a look… as long as you don’t object of course? Your profile caught my attention, especially your "Intro to BDSM - Arch Style". You seem to understand what this lifestyle is all about, the playfulness of it along with the traditions, an unusual quality to be found these days. Just to prove I did read to the end… how do you like being a pilot?

Me: Hi and thanks for barging in, I trust the view is to your liking? As you can probably tell, I enjoy writing, but I particularly enjoyed writing that introduction post as there is a lot of "me" and how I live the lifestyle in it. Kudos for reading my whole profile, you must have been board by the end lol. But to answer your question, I absolutely love the freedom of being up in the air. It puts a totally different perspective on problems and makes you realise that it's a big world out there. Just to prove I've read your profile also - who are your favourite bands and why?

Conversation continues.............

As you can see, I will match the effort and tone of the person messaging me. If they can't be a**ed then neither can I. Whereas in example 4 the person injected some humour, made it clear they've read my profile and were a little bit cheeky whilst asking for consent. In other words, they made an effort to make an impression.

When I send someone a message it's short but well, thought out, relevant and a conversation opener. Oh and for your info, the conversation in example 4 is still ongoing 18 months later and neither of us have to make an effort to 'keep the conversation going', it just flows!

[Be****]

To be brutally honest I send messages to the women I like as anyone would but have so few replies and if they are they aren’t very engaging even after asking certain questions and many judge a book by it’s cover I’m finding

[Ju****]

I think it's guys who may be shy, wanting to get to know you better before assuming that position or they could be unsure of themselves

[Je****]

30 minutes ago, AuroraBoreal said:

You just don’t get the point. That’s all.

No, role and identity or personality is not the same thing.

No, you don’t get to say what others should find compatible or their criteria for dismissal. That’s absolutely individual and personal, EVERYONE CAN DECIDE AS THEY SEE FIT, just without hurting others.

No, wanting and preferring something and forcing others into it is not the same thing. NO ONE SHOULD BE ANYTHING THEY DON’T WANT TO. But that doesn’t mean one should like everyone’s ways.

I like the dominant part leading the conversation for a matter of chemistry, even for friendships. What’s the problem? Is my like, as much as I like being spanked. Is a problem that the other is not into impact play? No is not. We are just not compatible. That’s about it.

No need of accusing people of things that are just your opinion.

If that's how you wish to see my comments that is fine, but for a man with a dominant role to be rejected simply for not pushing a conversation, that two people who are interacting with, just is not fair. 

It could be a preference, that someone wants a "dominant" role be the one making the effort, but it goes both ways. And that preference of "he must work for the conversation or I'll lose interest, or he's not a real dominant" is just shallow and unfair. 

I am not being disrespectful to anyone, not by intent anyway but I just don't believe it falls on one person to do all the instigating in order to be successful. Any many people will agree with that. I certainly wouldn't expect a person with a dominant title, to be the one having to keep the conversation going, nor would I like it if a submissive was expecting me to do all the work, and if I allowed them time to broach things and they rejected me for allowing this, or waiting for them. That's pretty hurtful. 

 

But hey if women want to sit and make dominant men not only fight for their attention on here, then be the one ***d into keeping a conversation flowing just to stay relevant to said woman/submissive, then I feel for them. 

And yes that last part is me being judgey, as I don't think anyone worth their p**s should make someone do all the effort with little in return for *** of being rejected. 

But each to their own eh. I will just keep with my respect for others, and be equal and contribute to any upcoming potential dynamics or friendships. I am not on a pedestal.