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Dominants Vs Ass Play

Je****

By Je****
in BDSM Forum

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Deleted Member

Posted
Posted
I don't give a shit what people think. I like my ass played with. It feels good, so why does it matter what is causing that pleasure? Hell I could make a woman submit to my want of being pegged. I feel like if it's thought of how a FemDom would get penetrated it's very easy to see that the Dom is not always the one (or only one) who is doing the penetrating.

Deleted Member

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I don't think your wrong in your points as to how the guy discribed why he doesn't like ass. His statement about weakness seems like he's putting on airs.

But as a dominant man, having my asshole touch has aways felt awkward and unformfortable. Now, I'm sure that if I'd push passed it and ***d myself to relax and let it happen I'm sure I'd find pleasure in it. But what I'm not sure of is how id feel about it afterward. Or if I'd ever want to try it again.

It's not to do with machismo, or masculinity. Some women love having their earlobes liked, shucked and nibbled. Some women can't stand having their ears touched. It seems like a case of different strokes for different folks. Some love giving or receiving foot massages, some can't countenance anything to do with feet.

For some men, the connotation of implied homosexuality might be the factor. I don't think that's the case universally though. For me, in my case, I would actually like to try it. But it seems like something intimate on a different level. Not more or less, simply different. For me to ok it and give my partner the go ahead, she would have to be a specific type of kinky person, and Id have to have a level of trust in her that is as near absolute as a person can get.

I'd definitely not be down with having my butt played with by some people I just met for a fun night if play.

That's my view. Hope it adds something to the subject.

Ae****

Ae****

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It's because we have a history, and humanity was not all born in the last 30 or so years - so we have a context for ass play.
Homosexuality for men involves anal penetration.
Also, women have a hole that men penetrate. Anal sex is very much linked with being entered, the way a female normally is.
Dominance in men, for many men, and the women who like them, in our culture, is very much steeped in being a man, and linked with that idea was never doing anything that touches anything close to homosexuality. Being super straight. Cuz that's the way masculine men in our culture were until quite recently. Men hugging was super weird in the 90s, for example. You hugged, you're probably gay, yikes! Obviously I don't need to mention here that, obviously, there's nothing wrong with homosexuality, it's great for homosexuals, and that all that I'm doing here is describing the way some people think - there's no judgement on homosexuality, or on the way some men and women think, as a negative or positive thing.

Once you factor in that that is our history as a species and culturally, then it becomes very obvious why some men find it very uncomfortable, or are insecure about it.

I agree that insecurity is a weakness. But hey, life is hard as a man, so appreciate these men for balancing the stuff they need to balance - it's not simple at all. There's a really good reason these men are insecure about this- doing anything at all gay used to have big consequences - like hey, no girls would be into you if they found out you liked ass play. Some girls still think exactly this way.

Society progresses, but not everyone is the latest generation with the most progressive, accepting cutting edge views and beliefs. Instead of weak - perhaps we could instead say we get why they feel that way, it's obvious, anyone in their situation would feel the same, and it's simply a shame for them that they can't enjoy this cool thing that we love ourselves.
mu****

mu****

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Just cause you don’t like something doesn’t make you weak on the other hand.doesn’t speaking up and sticking up. Show a sign of strength and courage to know what they like and won’t break for anyone. That’s a strong person in my book. But that’s me to each is his own
he****

he****

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i like to refer to the concept you touched on as 'toxic dom syndrome'. not that we *know* that's what we're looking at here, of course. he might be not into it for other reasons. but if i can get up on my soap box for a second, i've seen a lot of people on here saying things like 'you're not a real dom if you do X Y or Z things, iT's iMpOsSiBlE!!1!' and like... nah m8, stop flexing lol.

thank you for coming to my TED talk 👍
zr****

zr****

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Deal breaker for me the don't do ass shit
Je****

Je****

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, RocketDom said:

This is an interesting read, it started well when it appeared to be curious about the many reasons why a guy may not enjoy ass play. But when you move into calling a Dom ‘weak’ for not liking something. It in itself starts to become toxic and though you say you are not ‘bashing’ or ‘shaming’ it doesn’t come across well. Just as many sub leaning folk have a wide and varied number of limits, so should Doms. Yet we have a bit of an unspoken culture to not really discuss Dom limits as some may see that as a ‘weakness’. I myself think it is a good thing that a Dom has shared this element about himself and it’s a shame this has been taken as a ‘weakness’ and publicly discussed. I think it would be interesting to flip this with a male Dom commenting on a female sub limits or discussing why she doesn’t like ass play. It would not be tolerated, rightly so. It’s simple, people’s limits are their own and should be respected not ridiculed.

I am by no means rediculing. There are very mixed comments here, for and against ass play, and for those who have tried it, sure, bravo. But to have a generalisation that "I am a dom, ass play is weakness" I find very untrue.

As I stated, had he said I don't like or want ass play, I wouldn't have batted an eye, but to label men, or any dominant who likes butt stuff as "weak" isn't very fair. 

It has sparked a discussion, I wouldn't ever dream of naming anyone, but it did make me curious to others opinions and thoughts on the matter to better understand, than go into his inbox and seem rude. 

The main issue was "dom = ass = weak" which was my issue. Any dominant can enjoy ass play and not be weak, I don't see the connection that's all. But your comment is appreciated just as much as the others, so thank you.

Edited by Jeneral_Whore
Jo****

Jo****

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I am a switch. And maybe it is the "sub side of switch" talking, but I do believe that NOT trying ass play severely limits your sexual view and experience. Male g spot for example.
Also isn't rimming concidered a dom thing?
It feels like a insecurity about his masculinity to me.
But everyone has their limits I suppose.
Wh****

Wh****

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This would be a weird place to start judging sensibilities. I think everyone has unique preferences and sensibilities. So far as I know it there aren’t any hard and fast rules about ass stuff. I’m not into it but I don’t care if other people do whatever they want if they ain’t hurting nobody 🤷‍♂️ I get both sides of this one. Getting pegged in the ass as a dude strikes me as either the most submissive or dominant thing ever
Who cares what I think though? That’s my whole point
ad****

ad****

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I think I understand the vulnerability, think back to basic sex education, we (men) often think we are the ones that do the penetration so to be penetrated may for some be a place of vulnerability (regardless of Dom/sub leaning). There is also some societal perspective at play, many men have peers who will mock them for it (I'll leave that there as you touched on toxic masculinity in your post).

Personally, I love it, my last girlfriend (vanilla) regularly slipped a finger up, I would have no qualms discussing it regardless of the dynamics of a relationship.
DeviantInside

DeviantInside

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I think the “weakness” description throws off the point of this. It’s not weakness to enjoy it. However they are allowed to see it as a turn off. And there could be any number of a million reasons for that. “Weakness” may be just their best attempt to explain why it’s not for them. I fully accept that there are certain acts that my brain has decided are “submissive” and as such have taken on a complete turn off connotation. Now I don’t see submissive as weak or feminine inferior, nor would I think less of a Dom for partaking in them. But that doesn’t change things for me. So whilst the semantics of the explanation might have rankled you and you may disagree with it they are still entitled to feel that way. We all have so much in the way of ingrained triggers, conditioning, social cues, subconscious preconceptions etc etc. some we ought to address and challenge. Others don’t really have negative impact. Even those where someone else might think we are missing out by not exploring no one else knows how big a deal, core value shift it might take or how much internal energy/self reflection it would require, what triggers it may be playing upon… or whether ultimately it is worth it to that person.

Deleted Member

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Too each their own especially in the pleasure department Fly your freak flag f;"ck em if they don't like your kink
sm****

sm****

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Take ‘‘em bye surprise and *** it out, he’ll thank you

Deleted Member

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My question is why is everyone commenting on a random person's choice or how they feel about a specific act.
Are we not supposed to be the more open and accepting types here?
Also wondering if the entire original post wasn't some kind of sour g***s, after all as stated they were going through profiles and this person ruined a little fantasy that was being built by simply voicing his preferences on his own profile.
Sp****

Sp****

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21 minutes ago, Sparkleswithleather said:
My question is why is everyone commenting on a random person's choice or how they feel about a specific act.
Are we not supposed to be the more open and accepting types here?
Also wondering if the entire original post wasn't some kind of sour g***s, after all as stated they were going through profiles and this person ruined a little fantasy that was being built by simply voicing his preferences on his own profile.

I think the question (if there is one here) is “Can specific acts be considered *Dominant* or *submissive* in and of themselves?”. To say you won’t entertain something because of personal preference (including stuff you haven’t tried) is 100% valid, but to say you won’t because the act is “too Dominant/submissive” seems like a little bit of a cop out maybe. Then there’s the dynamic of the “Power bottom/Service Top”, which is a whole ‘nother ballgame.

Deleted Member

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I understood the question posed, my point was this all came from reading someone's profile, not because someone actively went and told this person what they thought. There are plenty of people in the thread commenting on this person's viewpoint.
To have a hypothetical discussion on whether an act means a or b is all well and good, however to centre a thread on something someone has written on their own profile to me comes across as gossip/non consensual involvement maybe. It just doesn't sit right with me that a person's thoughts should be used without their consent just because you happen to disagree with their point of view.
aa****

aa****

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Erm I’m primarily dominant but recently discovered a girl going there is quite fun also I have a very simple simple answer to said guy lol. As for your questions I don’t think enjoying it should make you weak, I don’t see why only sub guys should be the only ones to enjoy it. I also full agree with your “not so expert” opinion. As a bi guy the only answer I can come to to your question of why is that these are straight men who are curious about that sight and it frightens then that they will enjoy it.
KI****

KI****

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I totally agree I do enjoy ass play and I’m not gay ! I love verbally & physically aggressive women giving it to me
Je****

Je****

Posted
  • Author
Posted
7 hours ago, Sparkleswithleather said:

My question is why is everyone commenting on a random person's choice or how they feel about a specific act.
Are we not supposed to be the more open and accepting types here?
Also wondering if the entire original post wasn't some kind of sour g***s, after all as stated they were going through profiles and this person ruined a little fantasy that was being built by simply voicing his preferences on his own profile.

Absolutely could not be further from the truth. 

 

I go through profiles on here, every single day, because I actually read.

Also, no where does it say I am sour.

No where does it even so much as express anything to do with a fantasy never mind a ruined one?

Are you alright there?

 

I simply raised this discussion to ask WHY there are some men who think ASS = WEAKNESS when dominant. 

Why is the word WEAK being applied alongside the dominant label.

 

As my post says, I actually am in preference to women, so there is certainly no fantasy being ruined.

Also this guy did not state it as a "preference on his own profile".

 

He actually said he was dominant, and ass play shows weakness, that is NOT a preference that's a generalisation / opinion / incorrect "fact".

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