Dominants Vs Ass Play

[Je****]

7 hours ago, Spiral66 said:

I think the question (if there is one here) is “Can specific acts be considered *Dominant* or *submissive* in and of themselves?”. To say you won’t entertain something because of personal preference (including stuff you haven’t tried) is 100% valid, but to say you won’t because the act is “too Dominant/submissive” seems like a little bit of a cop out maybe. Then there’s the dynamic of the “Power bottom/Service Top”, which is a whole ‘nother ballgame.

Yes, thank you. That is exactly it. The fact ass play was labelled "weak" because he was a "dominant".

I do not at all believe anyone dominant or any man who enjoys ass play is weak at all.

 

And if that makes people think I am being offensive then shame on them. And also noted who's agreeing with said rubbish replies. 

 

I don't believe anyone is weak for anything, more so strong to explore their bodies and decide if they do or don't like something, and if they don't even wish to do that, that's fine too.... but do NOT label every man/dominant as WEAK for enjoying his own ass. 

That's basically it. 

[Je****]

6 hours ago, Sparkleswithleather said:

I understood the question posed, my point was this all came from reading someone's profile, not because someone actively went and told this person what they thought. There are plenty of people in the thread commenting on this person's viewpoint.
To have a hypothetical discussion on whether an act means a or b is all well and good, however to centre a thread on something someone has written on their own profile to me comes across as gossip/non consensual involvement maybe. It just doesn't sit right with me that a person's thoughts should be used without their consent just because you happen to disagree with their point of view.

All I am reading is that I am wrong for posing a question based off an anonymous profile I read.

That I am wrong for disagreeing that a man playing with his own ass is weak.

 

Sorry, you must be correct then.

I am breaking an anonymous person's consent, on a public comment with a generalisation that is targetting men and dominants alike. 

 

The generalisation is RIGHT, I am wrong.

This man is correct. If you are male, dominant and play with your arse, you are weak, and showing weakness.

I will also apologise to the anonymous profile, because I don't even know where it is now or who he was, and I'm sorry for taking your consent away by actually reading your public profile. 

 

MY bad. 

Better?

 

...............

 

 

As for everyone else, I have really enjoyed the discussion, hearing both sides on likes and dislikes, attempts and why you never would. Also some of the acts you seen as one role or the other. You comments have been very interesting thank you xxx

[Je****]

6 hours ago, Sparkleswithleather said:

I understood the question posed, my point was this all came from reading someone's profile, not because someone actively went and told this person what they thought. There are plenty of people in the thread commenting on this person's viewpoint.
To have a hypothetical discussion on whether an act means a or b is all well and good, however to centre a thread on something someone has written on their own profile to me comes across as gossip/non consensual involvement maybe. It just doesn't sit right with me that a person's thoughts should be used without their consent just because you happen to disagree with their point of view.

On a serious note. Have you ever actually read forum threads on here?

I have seen women read another woman's post, and actually go and make another post based entirely off that one, slagging them off. Discreetly of course.

 

So why the hell can I not mindlessly scroll anonymous profiles, read things, as I always do, and base a question and theory off my head and thought process?

Am I not allowed to have read this false accusation about men and dominants?

Should I have went into his inbox to tell him that his generalisation is wrong?

That yes it may not be for him, what he thinks, but it does NOT cover every male and dominant on this site?

Believe me he's not the only one with such a thing wrote on a profile. Plenty do.

 

It's basically like a guy saying, man up, men don't cry.

If you agree with this, something is very wrong. 

So to label any man/dominant as weak for enjoying something so ordinary on this site, something is very wrong.

And if I am wrong for reading public content and basing my own thoughts, then hell, this site's gone to shit.

When the forum posts that do nothing but provoke individuals get applauded, yet me asking why a generalisation is applied, (and got 99% good answers, from men too which is amazing), yet mine get picked at for disagreeing with a toxic generalisation?

I was petty in my last response, because I simply do not agree that men are weak for enjoying their ass, or that the man who said it was right in that. But I won't apologise for disagreeing with this man, Men are a lot stronger than some give them credit for.

If this man sees ass play as a weakness then he could have personalised that, NOT ***ted every other man with the same brush. 

 

That's the last I will say, but I will always stick up for men when they're being generalised wrongly. 

[aa****]

All I’ve got to say on the whole “man” front is what I say to those who freak out when you mention your bi or talk about lgbt stuff…. You’re not a man until you’ve had one! Or to simplify it real men are in touch with every part of themselves they are comfortable with their bodies and their emotions 😊

[Je****]

2 minutes ago, aaron2656 said:

All I’ve got to say on the whole “man” front is what I say to those who freak out when you mention your bi or talk about lgbt stuff…. You’re not a man until you’ve had one! Or to simplify it real men are in touch with every part of themselves they are comfortable with their bodies and their emotions 😊

Can't say I entirely agree with this. 

What makes a "real man"?

I don't agree with anyone who freaks out about someone being bisexual or the LGBTQ etc community, I am not sure why this would spark a "freak out" in them, but until you've had one what sorry?

 

Also lots of men are in touch with their bodies in different ways, and if anal play isn't for them so be it. That's nothing to be ashamed of. Even if they haven't tried it before. 

It's good to be comfy with your bodies and emotions, but there's nothing to be ashamed of if you have been unable to achieve this yet. 

However my post is not about those who haven't tried anal and won't try it, but infact those, who deem it "weak" to do ass play.

I do not feel it makes any man "weak" who enjoys his ass played with, nor in my opinion does it make them any more of less dominant. Just, what they like. I disliked the generalisation that ass= weak in men, that's all.

[Tr****]

This was an interesting one. I would definitely guess some insecurities were at play based on description, but more context would definitely be needed. While he sounds inexperienced, he also sounds like he hasn't met the right partner to change his mind too. Whether I personally thought about it or not, nothing came of it until a partner of mine took matters into her own "hand." Lol. Personally, I think you should just hit him up and ask why for yourself. Maybe he does have a reason that might surprise you. I can understand possibilities like the penetrator vs. penetrated debate. Mental is very important during a scene. If you're not in it, then it's not as enjoyable as you would like it to be. While the dude doesn't necessarily have to explain himself, I just don't think he's helping himself based on what I've read without seeing it first hand. I do believe you should be experimental and be open-minded, but some things are just hard wired in our minds to which we can say, undoubtedly, that's not for me. Men are much more rigid on average than women, so for a lot of guys we just need the partner with the right approach. Masculinity isn't just one size fits all, it is cultivated through experience. It isn't so easily defined or characterized, and in my opinion doesn't have anything to do with sexual preference at all. Which by the way, ladies sitting there saying what "a real man is," need to be putting "in my opinion" at the end of your statements. Nobody should assume you know unless you've done it yourself. Otherwise it is solely just a biased opinion, in which case we should at least be honest that it is nothing more than that. Hell, at the end of the day, nobody knows anything until they've actually experience it for themselves.

[aa****]

Sorry what I was trying to get at with what I’d said is guys who are very anti anything in that way who haven’t even attempted is that they sit there knowing nothing of it. The attitude of any guy should be based on experience not some drummed in idea. I think Travibara explained it better

[Sh****]

You and me both

[KI****]

Yesterday at 04:37 AM, mantoy_69 said:

I totally agree I do enjoy ass play and I’m not gay ! I love verbally & physically aggressive women giving it to me

And

[Th****]

On 7/6/2023 at 12:17 PM, Jeneral_Whore said:

"ass play is a limit, as a dominant, I see it as a weakness"

In my "not so expert" opinion, someone who is a dominant, who sees ass play as a weakness, is in fact weak themselves. It sort of hits that taboo button, of toxic masculinity, that if you enjoy things in and around your ass, that you're gay or whatever. Which simply isn't the case. 

Really, there's just a whole hell of a lot to unpack here.

 

There's the issue of "as a dominant" and "weakness". So by this guy's logic submissives are weak? Well that's plain incorrect, someone's role is not an indicator of weakness nor strength, that's a personal character thing. 

 

Actions are not inherently dominant or submissive, they're neutral. Being a top or a bottom is not an indicator of dominance or submissiveness it's merely the doer and the receiver Dominant/top and Submissive/bottom are not mutually exclusive.

 

This is also getting awfully close to Dominant = man/male territory. Has anyone ever encountered a femme saying "I don't do ass play because I'm dominant?" I've never seen it myself. 

 

So this brings us to men and insecurity, homophobia, misogyny, toxic masculinity and all that business. It's the over the top "no way never" energy that's dripping with it. Not those who say, "Meh, tried it and it's not for me." or those who are particular about who they'll engage with. 

[Th****]

On 7/6/2023 at 3:46 PM, Kakiemon said:

I've always considered ass play to be part of my vanilla life - along with a love of cunnilingus. I can see where some might consider burying your face in a woman's crotch for long periods "submissive" - I just consider it a lot of fun. And I don't indulge during role-playing. As far as having a sub rim me - yes, please.

Right? The number of men who seem to think oral in any way is kinky is pretty astounding. Especially many "submissive" men who want "to be dominated" when asked what they have to offer they literally say "I'll go down on you" or "you can sit on my face". 🙄 🥱

[Th****]

On 7/6/2023 at 4:00 PM, pauld999 said:

would love to try pegging, but im more dom

You're basically saying the same thing the op is questioning, do you realize that? 

[he****]

42 minutes ago, ThaliaVirago said:

Right? The number of men who seem to think oral in any way is kinky is pretty astounding. Especially many "submissive" men who want "to be dominated" when asked what they have to offer they literally say "I'll go down on you" or "you can sit on my face". 🙄 🥱

it's all fun and games until you deny them oxygen lol

[Th****]

I wish I had seen this sooner and could have participated earlier in the conversation. All I can say at this point is WOW. There seems to be a whole lot of struggle with reading comprehension and several people showing their own insecurities they may need to unpack and really work on. 

 

The issue was that a man who labeled himself as a dominant stated that ass play was inherently "weak" and with that he was conveying that submissives are "weak" because "as a dominant" he wouldn't dare do anything that he viewed as a "weak" behavior. 🙄🤮

 

The op didn't mention anything about "real man" or "real dom". That was thrown in there by commenters. Seriously, anyone who says "real" man, Dom, sub, or anything of the like pretty much loses me taking them too seriously, it's a red flag all by itself. 

 

*ACTIONS* are not dominant or submissive. If someone feels they are, maybe do some introspection on why you feel that way because that logic leads to physicality being the only possible way to be dominant which leads to the idea of dominance being something that's ***d. D/s and power exchange is energy, it's mental. It's not brute strength or a thing one does *to* someone. 

 

Like what you like and dislike what you don't, even if you've never tried it fine, keep some things for more intimate relationships, yes, by all means that. However, it should be merely personal preference and shouldn't be because of "weakness", "submissive", "not masculine". 

[Bd****]

Then I guess I'm confused so are you asking if ass lay is of for a man

[Bd****]

If so I would say yes as long as it is with a women that doesn't make you gay only if you ass play with other men then it's still ok but only for those two to do leave me out of it

[Bd****]

Well I think I understand what you saying if someone is the submissive there should be no limit on what there dom can do to them cause it's being ***d that's how the game works so shut up and take it like a good bitch type shit or go home and cry to your mommy

[Th****]

50 minutes ago, drhex said:

it's all fun and games until you deny them oxygen lol

Yes well, they weren't talking about breathplay. 🙃

[Je****]

9 hours ago, Bdawg7714 said:

Well I think I understand what you saying if someone is the submissive there should be no limit on what there dom can do to them cause it's being ***d that's how the game works so shut up and take it like a good bitch type shit or go home and cry to your mommy

What the absolute hell.... 

 

Can you explain this please???

[ey****]

oh god

I think a lot of the attitudes some up the issue

but

any form of ass play isn't inherently a submissive act*.  any form of submission isn't weakness.

enjoying ass play, there's a fucking g-spot up there, is something any man can enjoy.

if people feel it's "gay" or "weak" or "taboo" this is part of their own toxic views.    Even if someone is a bit "Oh, well, I want to try being pegged, but isn't that a bit gay?" I mean, no it's not - you're being pegged by a woman - buuuut - if it was, why is that a bad thing?  I don't get it.

(*to be honest, there's very few kink acts which are inherently submissive - I know Dominants who also get aroused from feeling ***) 

[Pr****]

There are a few possible explanations I can think of for someone saying ass play is a weakness: homophobia and embarrassment. If a person perceives a man must be gay if he even entertains the idea of being penetrated, and that gay men are somehow weak because they can’t somehow deny themselves…well, this could lead to embarrassment…especially if the person tried it, secretly likes it but can’t come to terms with himself because of prior held homophobia…likely instilled by other people or the media. Finally…anecdotally…I had a partner once that said she caught her man cheating on her and threatened to leave him. The man was so distraught he said he’d do anything to save the relationship…to which she proposed he submit to an act of submission. He agreed…so she proceeded to strap one on and began to lube it, demanding he strip down and lay on his back. Of course he began to protest but he soon found he’d trapped himself in a one way situation. She’d called him a liar and a cheater for being with the other woman, and now he would have to show he wasn’t once again a man who would go back on his word…he had to decide in that moment if he would honor his word or lose his woman.

At this point I’m thinking most people know what happened next, but have you considered the aftermath? The man decides to comply with her demands to prove his love…and so his woman parts his legs and shoved them back toward his chest, the same way he had done hers to her breast so many times…

Now here’s where what she said surprised me. As she began to tease what she was about to take, all he did was still himself for the inevitable. He didn’t fight it…even as she slowly sank the lengthy shaft to the hilt…his face barely contorted. The absence of *** on his face made her feel dissatisfied so she began to thrust violently through what she began to wonder was a virgin sphincter. She pinned his legs all the way to his chest until his feet touched the headboard and continued to inflict the *** on his ass that he had to her heart, but she soon realized that would not be the case. Slowly he became erect as she continued to pound him more violently, infuriated by his obvious enjoyment of her ***ful foray…she began full-length jackhammering, getting off of her knees and up onto her toes so her weight would aid her aggression…she searched his face for any sign of the *** she needed to feel her revenge had been exacted, but she didn’t find it…instead she found a look of confusion-masked pleasure as he began to make a sound she’d never heard before…but was certain of what it meant…she was about to make him cum, and even though this was not what she had intended, even though she felt defeated…she continued…and then she saw something she would never be able to unsee. As she continued stroking him his mouth opened wide as he continued to express this newfound pleasure…and at that exact moment, he exploded…the first three viscous streams landing right on his face, across his lips and in his open mouth… Surprised by this…she stopped abruptly…the strap-on still buried in him…her mind began sketching vividly in her memory what her eyes were viewing…as he completed his pleasure having reached down to finish the job himself…eyes closed, oblivious to the look of disgust that had spontaneously formed on her face…until he opened his eyes, and in that moment…he knew she would never see him as a man again. Her anger returned and as she pulled out of him she threw his legs to the side and called him something I won’t write here…not completely. As she left him laying there she muttered just loud enough to be audible, “f@&$()-ass bi+(#”!!

Now…she told me this story after I had repeatedly swatted her hand away from my ass on several occasions when she tried to take inventory digitally…despite having somewhat longer than average manicure! Anyway, she told me that story (which I edited/enhanced a bit for entertainment purposes)… she told me as an explanation of why she tried to finger me. She was testing me to see if I was “weak”…or perhaps she meant submissive…and I got the instinct impression she assumed her previous lover was submissive and would be (or had been) with a man as well…simply because she’d seen him in that way with her.

I told her immediately that she’d fu$&$d up, because I don’t think she’d find many people that would submit to that just to prove their contrition and what must have been a very deep love. Surprisingly she retorted immediately, “He was probably in the closet with that $h!+”…!!! Her anger returning briefly…of which I took full advantage. She was always next-level passionate when peeved. 😈

[Je****]

15 minutes ago, ProfessorDnOKC said:

There are a few possible explanations I can think of for someone saying ass play is a weakness: homophobia and embarrassment. If a person perceives a man must be gay if he even entertains the idea of being penetrated, and that gay men are somehow weak because they can’t somehow deny themselves…well, this could lead to embarrassment…especially if the person tried it, secretly likes it but can’t come to terms with himself because of prior held homophobia…likely instilled by other people or the media. Finally…anecdotally…I had a partner once that said she caught her man cheating on her and threatened to leave him. The man was so distraught he said he’d do anything to save the relationship…to which she proposed he submit to an act of submission. He agreed…so she proceeded to strap one on and began to lube it, demanding he strip down and lay on his back. Of course he began to protest but he soon found he’d trapped himself in a one way situation. She’d called him a liar and a cheater for being with the other woman, and now he would have to show he wasn’t once again a man who would go back on his word…he had to decide in that moment if he would honor his word or lose his woman.

At this point I’m thinking most people know what happened next, but have you considered the aftermath? The man decides to comply with her demands to prove his love…and so his woman parts his legs and shoved them back toward his chest, the same way he had done hers to her breast so many times…

Now here’s where what she said surprised me. As she began to tease what she was about to take, all he did was still himself for the inevitable. He didn’t fight it…even as she slowly sank the lengthy shaft to the hilt…his face barely contorted. The absence of *** on his face made her feel dissatisfied so she began to thrust violently through what she began to wonder was a virgin sphincter. She pinned his legs all the way to his chest until his feet touched the headboard and continued to inflict the *** on his ass that he had to her heart, but she soon realized that would not be the case. Slowly he became erect as she continued to pound him more violently, infuriated by his obvious enjoyment of her ***ful foray…she began full-length jackhammering, getting off of her knees and up onto her toes so her weight would aid her aggression…she searched his face for any sign of the *** she needed to feel her revenge had been exacted, but she didn’t find it…instead she found a look of confusion-masked pleasure as he began to make a sound she’d never heard before…but was certain of what it meant…she was about to make him cum, and even though this was not what she had intended, even though she felt defeated…she continued…and then she saw something she would never be able to unsee. As she continued stroking him his mouth opened wide as he continued to express this newfound pleasure…and at that exact moment, he exploded…the first three viscous streams landing right on his face, across his lips and in his open mouth… Surprised by this…she stopped abruptly…the strap-on still buried in him…her mind began sketching vividly in her memory what her eyes were viewing…as he completed his pleasure having reached down to finish the job himself…eyes closed, oblivious to the look of disgust that had spontaneously formed on her face…until he opened his eyes, and in that moment…he knew she would never see him as a man again. Her anger returned and as she pulled out of him she threw his legs to the side and called him something I won’t write here…not completely. As she left him laying there she muttered just loud enough to be audible, “f@&$()-ass bi+(#”!!

Now…she told me this story after I had repeatedly swatted her hand away from my ass on several occasions when she tried to take inventory digitally…despite having somewhat longer than average manicure! Anyway, she told me that story (which I edited/enhanced a bit for entertainment purposes)… she told me as an explanation of why she tried to finger me. She was testing me to see if I was “weak”…or perhaps she meant submissive…and I got the instinct impression she assumed her previous lover was submissive and would be (or had been) with a man as well…simply because she’d seen him in that way with her.

I told her immediately that she’d fu$&$d up, because I don’t think she’d find many people that would submit to that just to prove their contrition and what must have been a very deep love. Surprisingly she retorted immediately, “He was probably in the closet with that $h!+”…!!! Her anger returning briefly…of which I took full advantage. She was always next-level passionate when peeved. 😈

So many things wrong with this.

[Pr****]

7 minutes ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

So many things wrong with this.

Maybe, maybe there is a certain element of wrongness in this line of thinking…but to correct the wrong you’d have to go back and reprogram all of the people and influences that have compromised one’s environment from birth to present day! One person against an army and decades of influences… You may find spending that time and energy with or getting to know someone more compatible will be more fulfilling.

[Th****]

 

1 hour ago, ProfessorDnOKC said:

There are a few possible explanations I can think of for someone saying ass play is a weakness: homophobia and embarrassment. If a person perceives a man must be gay if he even entertains the idea of being penetrated, and that gay men are somehow weak because they can’t somehow deny themselves…well, this could lead to embarrassment…especially if the person tried it, secretly likes it but can’t come to terms with himself because of prior held homophobia…likely instilled by other people or the media.

You were doing so well with this, should have stopped there. 

That woman is obviously has her own issues she could work on and is very ignorant about a lot of things, very basics of human anatomy and sexuality, healthy coping skills, how to not generally be toxic and apparently homophobic. You're obviously reasonably intelligent and a decent to above average writer but that you used this as some sort of example, of what exactly I'm not sure, and "edited/enhanced a bit for entertainment purposes" definitely gives off a certain ick factor.

1 hour ago, ProfessorDnOKC said:

Maybe, maybe there is a certain element of wrongness in this line of thinking…but to correct the wrong you’d have to go back and reprogram all of the people and influences that have compromised one’s environment from birth to present day! One person against an army and decades of influences… You may find spending that time and energy with or getting to know someone more compatible will be more fulfilling.

By this logic you're claiming that you believe an individual is incapable of healing and growth. Is that actually what you believe? Because that's pretty much what you said. 

[Pr****]

Sunday at 05:42 PM, ThaliaVirago said:

 

By this logic you're claiming that you believe an individual is incapable of healing and growth. Is that actually what you believe? Because that's pretty much what you said. 

Queen, that’s not at all what I said. My point was, if you want to correct the wrong (not change/heal the person), you’d need to change the environment and the environments of so many other people. Read what I wrote again. I said nothing that even suggested one person can’t change. What I did say, and what you missed…is the wrong that needs to be righted isn’t with the person…it’s with humanity, or lack thereof in some cases.