Success and failure

[se****]

What has your success rate been, with finding exactly what you’re looking for, on these apps and sites? How often do your relationships/dynamics fail? And what do you think is the reason?

[bu****]

Exactly what I want. Never. Because humans are not kink dispensers. Relationships are give and take and mostly sacrifice. Find the one that's worth the sacrifice then talk until your fucking blue in the face.

Do you consider a relationship that ends a failure? Cause if so all Relationships are failures. I don't see the ending as a failure. The only way a relationship fails is if I didn't learn about myself and about human connections.

Edited October 6, 2023 by buckley887

[Sim_TheBrat]

Lack luster and no relationships. The few I have met and in general either the conversation starts out good and then they expect you to give them your undivided attention when it’s never reciprocated.

[gi****]

20 minutes ago, buckley887 said:

Exactly what I want. Never. Because humans are not kink dispensers. Relationships are give and take and mostly sacrifice. Find the one that's worth the sacrifice then talk until your fucking blue in the face.

Do you consider a relationship that ends a failure? Cause if so all Relationships are failures. I don't see the ending as a failure. The only way a relationship fails is if I didn't learn about myself and about human connections.

I think to buckley887's point, how you define success is pretty important.  I've met some great people here and had some incredible conversations.  I've met a few people offline, and currently planning another meeting.  I wouldn't consider myself anything special or particularly a looker. But I focus on understanding, connecting, communicating, and prioritizing being open and clear. So, though I don't have an LTR with a particular submissive, I would consider myself incredibly fortunate and am grateful to those who share time and space with me.  

[is****]

43 minutes ago, giraut said:

I think to buckley887's point, how you define success is pretty important.  I've met some great people here and had some incredible conversations.  I've met a few people offline, and currently planning another meeting.  I wouldn't consider myself anything special or particularly a looker. But I focus on understanding, connecting, communicating, and prioritizing being open and clear. So, though I don't have an LTR with a particular submissive, I would consider myself incredibly fortunate and am grateful to those who share time and space with me.  

If you don’t mind me asking, what makes it an incredible conversation? I’m intrigued

[CopperKnob]

In order to measure success, you need to define it in order to determine your measures.
One person's 'success' will not relate to another's

[gi****]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

In order to measure success, you need to define it in order to determine your measures.
One person's 'success' will not relate to another's

I do agree with this.  We need to define our own success measures. 

[gi****]

2 hours ago, islandsoul562 said:

If you don’t mind me asking, what makes it an incredible conversation? I’m intrigued

Great question.  And one that I went back to the individuals that I have talked to, and asked of them.  Now, granted, they may have been sparing my feelings, but their answers mirrored my own, so I'll incorporate them.  First, a caveat though, to explian why this might be so impactful.  A bit over a year and a half ago, my wife passed away.  She was not in the lifestyle, and in fact I took a hiatus from the lifestyle for our marriage. I came back to the lifestyle to discover many things were the same and a number were vastly different.  And, here is where my answer to your question truly begins.  In connecting with others on this app, I wasn't certain how they may respond.  In many ways, I feel like an old man coming back to a young man's game.  But, many of the individuals I have talked with are intelligent, creative, inciteful, kind, and generous.  Some have had some pretty bad experiences in the lifestyle and have chosen to extend trust so that we could co-create safety together.  We've been able to share vulnerably and openly of ourselves, and I have felt accepted and needed.  I have been able to explore parts of myself that have been long dormant, in ways that the people who I have talked with have said find nurturing, challenging, and reassuring.  I've been able to bring the many parts and sides of myself (including both the caregiver and sadist) in ways that allow me to feel more myself and whole.  That's what has been incredible about many of my conversations with others on here.

[Li****]

Zero success since not very many in these apps are into littles. Every profile I come across are mistress scammers or sub scammers or sugar daddies which are also scammers , So zero success.

[Bo****]

This app vs others. At least in my local area this app has had many more kinky horny bullies than other apps.
I have found some amazing people to talk with on this app.
I agree with buckley887 about failing. It’s all a learning experience. It’s important to understand your role in the ending and ensure you keep aligned to your values, morals, self worth and the core of d/s principles. Doing a retrospective of what you learned about yourself and where you may have compromised and you shouldn’t have or where there were signs you ignored.

[ey****]

by argument.   100% of relationships/dynamics come to an end.  Obviously 'til death do us part' if nothing else.  But break ups, dynamics ending, so on - the vast majority of us will have more relationships end than conclude to death.   But, it's not necessarily 'failure'.

But without wanting to run a post mortem, every relationship/dynamic gives an opportunity for learning/growth towards another.  Even if it was you were in the wrong. Or that the other person had red flags you now know to avoid.  But often, a lot of people just drift apart.

my success lies in participating on sites I enjoy.  If the metrics are "partner or bust" then a lot of people are going to be disappointed.  And this is often the problem that people do put too much stock into, I dunno, "If I send 100 messages I expect 50 responses, 10 which become meaningful conversations, 5 become first meets, 3 go on to a second, 1 becomes my partner" or whatever else than a bigger picture, and it's a lot of pressure and leads to a lot of disappointment.

This year. I'm still married. And done play of sorts with a number of people - including some long term friends and six for the first time. Whether this is success or not. I'm happy enough.

[Ar****]

My rate in terms of finding exactly what I'm looking for here could arguably have been 0% or 100%, because I don't necessarily start to make connections looking for them to become anything specific.

Am I happy with the number of connections I've made which have developed into friendships or more? Do they outweigh the negative experiences? Yes, absolutely. 

[Fa****]

35 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

My rate in terms of finding exactly what I'm looking for here could arguably have been 0% or 100%, because I don't necessarily start to make connections looking for them to become anything specific.

Am I happy with the number of connections I've made which have developed into friendships or more? Do they outweigh the negative experiences? Yes, absolutely. 

😘

[sardonicus87]

My success rate is 0% for literally over a decade. I'm looking for two things... in-person friendship or play partners. It's been a fail on both fronts for many, many years now.
.
TL;DR - the only people looking for the same thing as me all live too far away.
.
First, at least where I live, nobody is on anything like this for friendship, they only want a romantic partner (and I am already married), or they're unicorn hunting for a third woman.
.
Then, nobody is even looking for the same kind of play as me. I've had ads up for years many places and the only people to respond are over 2,000 miles away, and that's too far. I had way more success finding people who match my kinks in vanilla dating than in the scene. Since I am married now (despite it being an open relationship), vanilla dating isn't working either because there's nobody on any of the poly sites except unicorn hunters, very few legit people and the legit ones want full on hardcore poly or a primary.
.
And on the exceedingly rare few times a woman has existed near me that was a match with regard to kink, she didn't want a play partner, she only wanted mono LTR.
.
Some people will say to be involved in the community, but there's not one anywhere near where I live (closest munch is an 8-hour round trip from me, and that's too far). They say make connections and something may eventually happen, but I only want local connections and locals aren't looking for the same kinds of connections to me, or any connections of any kind other than monogamous LTRs.

[sardonicus87]

8 minutes ago, sardonicus87 said:

My success rate is 0% for literally over a decade. I'm looking for two things... in-person friendship or play partners. It's been a fail on both fronts for many, many years now.
.
TL;DR - the only people looking for the same thing as me all live too far away.
.
First, at least where I live, nobody is on anything like this for friendship, they only want a romantic partner (and I am already married), or they're unicorn hunting for a third woman.
.
Then, nobody is even looking for the same kind of play as me. I've had ads up for years many places and the only people to respond are over 2,000 miles away, and that's too far. I had way more success finding people who match my kinks in vanilla dating than in the scene. Since I am married now (despite it being an open relationship), vanilla dating isn't working either because there's nobody on any of the poly sites except unicorn hunters, very few legit people and the legit ones want full on hardcore poly or a primary.
.
And on the exceedingly rare few times a woman has existed near me that was a match with regard to kink, she didn't want a play partner, she only wanted mono LTR.
.
Some people will say to be involved in the community, but there's not one anywhere near where I live (closest munch is an 8-hour round trip from me, and that's too far). They say make connections and something may eventually happen, but I only want local connections and locals aren't looking for the same kinds of connections to me, or any connections of any kind other than monogamous LTRs.

Also, moving elsewhere is NOT even remotely an option, before someone tries to make that suggestion. Also, not leaving my wife either just because we're not a kink match, we're a perfect match in all other ways and she's the only woman I have ever been romantically compatible with.

[sardonicus87]

For me, it's not only have I not found exactly what I am looking for, I haven't even found anything at all, let alone anything close to anything that I am looking for. Only ever found literally the exact opposite of what I am looking for.

[Pl****]

There’s about a 50/50 success versus failure rate for me! 50% success is based on finding serious people who are interested in seriously meeting other like minded individuals who want to enjoy new fun sexuall experiences! 50 failure is based on I’m not everyone’s favorite, I may not appeal to everyone! What I like not every female is desirous to experience! Also I may not look 👀 good to everyone or have the appearance they want in there sex partner! But lastly especially on this site you have a lot fake people who only on here to play games, see how many likes the can get, but have NO intention of ever playing sexually or connecting in person at all! You have several people who get on FET which is a “SEX” site trying to find a husband or wife! This not Eharmony, now true you may end up find a wife or a husband but don’t be mad at me if all I’m looking to do is fulfill my sexual fantasies!!!!! That’s what the site is for!

[CopperKnob]

2 hours ago, DrLONG said:

There’s about a 50/50 success versus failure rate for me! 50% success is based on finding serious people who are interested in seriously meeting other like minded individuals who want to enjoy new fun sexuall experiences! 50 failure is based on I’m not everyone’s favorite, I may not appeal to everyone! What I like not every female is desirous to experience! Also I may not look 👀 good to everyone or have the appearance they want in there sex partner! But lastly especially on this site you have a lot fake people who only on here to play games, see how many likes the can get, but have NO intention of ever playing sexually or connecting in person at all! You have several people who get on FET which is a “SEX” site trying to find a husband or wife! This not Eharmony, now true you may end up find a wife or a husband but don’t be mad at me if all I’m looking to do is fulfill my sexual fantasies!!!!! That’s what the site is for!

Fet us not a sex site. Literally from the blurb...
.
Whether you’re kink curious or a life-long fetishist, you’re in the right place. Fetish.com is the place to find munches, kinksters, events and more. Membership is free so take a peek into the dungeons and play rooms to see who you’ll find. In our forum you’re certain to find tons of like-minded people who share your fetishes.

[Ha****]

Found nothing through several apps.
Iv been single 5 years after 20y committed and although iv liked to find myself again,
Im definitely ready to find a partner whether casual or vtpr.
Times are changing and relationships dont have the trust that is essential from day 1 anymore.
Females have too many options imo

[Pi****]

In my opinion the issue is American men. Men in other countries don’t have the hang ups that American men have. Issues with jealousy, *** of commitment, and homophobia, are the ones that come to mind. I am only looking for in person relationships. Which requires proximity. I get 10 messages a day from men over 4000 miles away. I don’t get that. Porn can be had for free. I don’t have time the time or inclination to help jerk you off. With the rapid growth of AI I think dating will end. At least for male/female relationships. Men don’t seem to have an issue with having anonymous long distance relationships. I do. So far all have been a fail. I may be somewhat jaded.
The last guy I was really seriously entertaining for 3 years. First we were in the same state and then I moved away but he continued to pursue me. For 3 years. Someone told me I was being too hard on him and so I thought it over and decided to accept him warts and all. We decided to get married and I would move back to Texas. I planned our wedding. He was excited. Then out of the blue he was ghosting. I tracked him down and said if this is just anxiety we are going to work through it. He was cold and said he couldn’t take being on a timetable? Finally I spent the *** to have him checked out. Turns out he had been married for 12 years. And had a kid even though he told me he didn’t want kids and couldn’t have them due to a medical condition. This is fresh. I am angry and bitter. But it’s really just more of the same.
I have met one boy here who started out kind of lying to me- because he had some legal issues to iron out. Then he came clean - he has 10 more days in jail so we’ll see when he gets out. By and large the men on these apps lie, cheat and lie some more. They are selfish and narcissistic. 10 messages a day for 100 days to find one person who is still kinda lying.

[Desbop6]

My whole life? 

 

Dating specific apps forums 0% success rate

 

I usually (not for 5 years as not really actively looking) just meet people by accident on Facebook when I'm not even trying

Edited October 24, 2023 by Desbop6

[be****]

No success here 0 dates or messages

[Ready2please]

Limited contact with genuine woman most are fake ads people looking for ***