What does it mean to be gentle?

[Deleted Member]

It means I’m not a sadist. I don’t get off on causing *** unless it’s pleasurable to my sub/little. And even then it’s always encapsulated by lots of foreplay and aftercare. Creating bruises isn’t a sexual turn on for me. However, telling her how great she did in taking her punishment and how proud I am of her for it and seeing her smile, makes me sooo happy. Watching her admire her bruises and taking pictures of them and hearing her tell me days later how she is reminded of our play because her butt is sore or her asking me if Daddy can ***t a pretty picture on her butt push all my buttons.

Conversely some littles have very low *** thresholds and I don’t see that as a weakness. Breath play can be enjoyed without ***; and spankings can be adjusted to reflect their tolerance. To me it’s more about making sure they’re happy and their needs are being met and they feel safe and protected. I’ve never had anyone obey me out of *** of *** or punishment but instead they want to do anything to please me because of how well I take care of their needs.

(Thanks for the question!)

[Li****]

Bruises are the prettiest gift given by Daddy.xxx

[Deleted Member]

35 minutes ago, Lilivorydoll said:

Bruises are the prettiest gift given by Daddy.xxx

I couldnt agree more!!

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, Devilynn said:

Where have you been all my life

Thank you! That’s very sweet of you.

[Deleted Member]

27 minutes ago, Devilynn said:

Where are you located? Im.in Arkansas

Spoiler Alert: it’s in the name!

[He****]

I like a little bit of *** but not stupid amounts, but there seem to be so many out there who are quite sadistic. Scares the crap out of me. I can't get off on being cut or bleeding or having extensive bruising for a week, or more. Pleasurable *** is good ***.

[Deleted Member]

30 minutes ago, Hels1920 said:

I like a little bit of *** but not stupid amounts, but there seem to be so many out there who are quite sadistic. Scares the crap out of me. I can't get off on being cut or bleeding or having extensive bruising for a week, or more. Pleasurable *** is good ***.

“Pleasurable *** is good ***”…
I just wish more Doms understood that, what’s pleasurable, varies from sub to sub.

[Do****]

Thanks for this post, I am new to this and I am heartened to hear that I am not alone in my feelings about giving ***. I am beginning to understand the desire that a masochist may have for *** but I am not sure I wish to exact heavy ***. I think I would like to give "Sweet ***" if that is the correct term. I hope you receive more replies on this as I am eager to learn.

[Deleted Member]

19 minutes ago, DopeyDom said:

Thanks for this post, I am new to this and I am heartened to hear that I am not alone in my feelings about giving ***. I am beginning to understand the desire that a masochist may have for *** but I am not sure I wish to exact heavy ***. I think I would like to give "Sweet ***" if that is the correct term. I hope you receive more replies on this as I am eager to learn.

My pleasure. I’m glad you found it helpful.

[Sp****]

I'm happy I saw your post! It's delicious to read your words and I pray I eventually find a Dom/ play partner who sees his role in the same way. I want someone that can give that sweet stingy feeling and leave me some marks for me to admire days later! Someone who "does it bc they care" and is ok with taking time for the slow build and ends with good aftercare. Daddy (hubs) isn't comfortable and doesn't enjoy "hurting me" and says "it takes too long" . I've tried so many times to talk to him and explain that I crave the power play aspect, I crave the desire to want to please him and how much it turns me on for him to exact that punishment or maintenance. I have begged him to have that dynamic in our marriage because as someone with ADHD I feel like it could REALLY help me to be more accountable for things. I also have ideas that it could help me stick to losing weight. 

We are stag and vixen and he has given me permission for solo play so that I can find someone who can help me fill this desire as well as explore other kinks. I really wish I could find someone who understands impact play enough to help me achieve impact related subspace someday. It's hard to one- find someone who understands the importance of the structure of proper impact play who knows how to use it as foreplay AND can be a disciplinarian, two- to find someone who is willing to take the time to build all of that trust that's needed, and three- to find that person relatively local who can eventually host so neither of us have to travel too far. 😅

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, SpicyChiliPeppa said:

I'm happy I saw your post! It's delicious to read your words and I pray I eventually find a Dom/ play partner who sees his role in the same way. I want someone that can give that sweet stingy feeling and leave me some marks for me to admire days later! Someone who "does it bc they care" and is ok with taking time for the slow build and ends with good aftercare. Daddy (hubs) isn't comfortable and doesn't enjoy "hurting me" and says "it takes too long" . I've tried so many times to talk to him and explain that I crave the power play aspect, I crave the desire to want to please him and how much it turns me on for him to exact that punishment or maintenance. I have begged him to have that dynamic in our marriage because as someone with ADHD I feel like it could REALLY help me to be more accountable for things. I also have ideas that it could help me stick to losing weight. 

We are stag and vixen and he has given me permission for solo play so that I can find someone who can help me fill this desire as well as explore other kinks. I really wish I could find someone who understands impact play enough to help me achieve impact related subspace someday. It's hard to one- find someone who understands the importance of the structure of proper impact play who knows how to use it as foreplay AND can be a disciplinarian, two- to find someone who is willing to take the time to build all of that trust that's needed, and three- to find that person relatively local who can eventually host so neither of us have to travel too far. 😅

I’m glad you enjoyed it. I truly hope you find what you seek.

[gi****]

Thank you for sharing your perspective, @nycgentledaddy. It is interesting how we associate all *** in play with being sadistic. (added the "all *** in play" later as an edit to clarify) I see the sensation and perception of *** as a part of exploring the body's reactions to different sensations. Contrasts of soft and rough, hot and cold, sweet and sour, and thud and sting. Explorations of tingling, vibrating, tickling, of deprivation and senses being heightened. *** is one among many sensations that can be explored. Many like the marks that are left by ***ful strokes, although not all by any means. For me, these explorations don't make me any less gentle. I do not inflict these things on others, but share and facilitate experiences. Care and gentleness are needed at many points throughout and following the experiences in aftercare. I would agree with you, absolutely, that I never want someone to submit to me out of ***. But, hopefully with my support, at times with my guidance, and with some facilitation, we can help explore how to overcome ***. Gentle is, for me, understanding the individual I am with, providing nurturing as needed, helping to challenge where it is appropriate, and honoring and caring for their unique selves. Wonderful question.

Edited October 25, 2023 by giraut
Needed to clarify a point

[Deleted Member]

29 minutes ago, giraut said:

Thank you for sharing your perspective, @nycgentledaddy. It is interesting how we associate *** with being sadistic. I see the sensation and perception of *** as a part of exploring the body's reactions to different sensations. Contrasts of soft and rough, hot and cold, sweet and sour, and thud and sting. Explorations of tingling, vibrating, tickling, of deprivation and senses being heightened. *** is one among many sensations that can be explored. Many like the marks that are left by ***ful strokes, although not all by any means. For me, these explorations don't make me any less gentle. I do not inflict these things on others, but share and facilitate experiences. Care and gentleness are needed at many points throughout and following the experiences in aftercare. I would agree with you, absolutely, that I never want someone to submit to me out of ***. But, hopefully with my support, at times with my guidance, and with some facilitation, we can help explore how to overcome ***. Gentle is, for me, understanding the individual I am with, providing nurturing as needed, helping to challenge where it is appropriate, and honoring and caring for their unique selves. Wonderful question.

You misunderstood me with regard to sadism. Firstly, Im not sure why you find it interesting to associate sadism with ***, since it’s inherent in the definition of what sadism is; they are inextricably linked. When I said I’m not a sadist; I mean I get no pleasure from inflicting *** unless my sub receives some manner of pleasure or enjoyment in receiving it. A sadist enjoys inflicting *** regardless of whether or not the person receiving it enjoys it. In fact, some sadists enjoy it more when it’s not wanted or appreciated.

[gi****]

10 minutes ago, nycgentledaddy said:

You misunderstood me with regard to sadism. Firstly, Im not sure why you find it interesting to associate sadism with ***, since it’s inherent in the definition of what sadism is; they are inextricably linked. When I said I’m not a sadist; I mean I get no pleasure from inflicting *** unless my sub receives some manner of pleasure or enjoyment in receiving it. A sadist enjoys inflicting *** regardless of whether or not the person receiving it enjoys it. In fact, some sadists enjoy it more when it’s not wanted or appreciated.

You identified it there. Sadists enjoy inflicting no matter what. I've often believed we need another word for those who enjoy exploration of the senses. I guess a sensualist. *** is just one sensation to play with. I just think it's a shame, I guess, that we often conflate the idea of *** in play with sadism. I do not take pleasure in a submissive's ***. I take pleasure in their ability to transcend it. Didn't mean to seem like I was disagreeing, more just adding my two cents.

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, giraut said:

You identified it there. Sadists enjoy inflicting no matter what. I've often believed we need another word for those who enjoy exploration of the senses. I guess a sensualist. *** is just one sensation to play with. I just think it's a shame, I guess, that we often conflate the idea of *** in play with sadism. I do not take pleasure in a submissive's ***. I take pleasure in their ability to transcend it. Didn't mean to seem like I was disagreeing, more just adding my two cents.

I thought we were very much aligned with respect to the needs of the individual sub. Just thought there was some confusion regarding sadism.

[gi****]

5 minutes ago, nycgentledaddy said:

I thought we were very much aligned with respect to the needs of the individual sub. Just thought there was some confusion regarding sadism.

I added a clarification to my original point to highlight that I meant that we, as a community, often associate all *** in play as being sadistic.  Wasn't implying you were making that point, but it is one I have heard before and your response helped me to clarify.  

[Na****]

I 1000% approve of this. Ngl I'm kinda jealous of your subs/littles, but nonetheless this needs to be addressed more!

[Deleted Member]

17 minutes ago, NamelessNanashi said:

I 1000% approve of this. Ngl I'm kinda jealous of your subs/littles, but nonetheless this needs to be addressed more!

Aww that’d very sweet of you to say 💜

[Li****]

I think it's admirable for a Dominant to try to understand from the submissive point of view how the *** received is pleasurable. Every submissive of course is  different - and levels of pleasure and *** are going to be as wide and varied as each individual.  As nycgentledaddy correctly points out, "One glove does not fit all" - (pun intended!!) However, you have to remember that just because spanking is perceived as inflicting *** (from the Dominants perspective)....for the individual submissive who is the reciever ...it is pleasurable when administered as part of a successful sub/dom dynamic.

Edited October 25, 2023 by Lilivorydoll
Additional text needed!

[gi****]

7 minutes ago, Lilivorydoll said:

I think it's admirable for a Dominant to try to understand from the submissive point of view how the *** received is pleasurable. Every submissive of course is  different - and levels of pleasure and *** are going to be as wide and varied as each individual.  As nycgentledaddy correctly points out, "One glove does not fit all". However, you have to remember that just because spanking is perceived as inflicting *** (from the Dominants perspective)....for the individual submissive who is the reciever ...it is pleasurable when administered as part of a successful sub/dom dynamic.

That actually states the point I was trying to make much better than I did.  Thank you for this clarification. 

[Deleted Member]

14 minutes ago, Lilivorydoll said:

I think it's admirable for a Dominant to try to understand from the submissive point of view how the *** received is pleasurable. Every submissive of course is  different - and levels of pleasure and *** are going to be as wide and varied as each individual.  As nycgentledaddy correctly points out, "One glove does not fit all" - (pun intended!!) However, you have to remember that just because spanking is perceived as inflicting *** (from the Dominants perspective)....for the individual submissive who is the reciever ...it is pleasurable when administered as part of a successful sub/dom dynamic.

Thank you and I definitely agree!