Sub Gone Dom

[Suzy444]

On 11/3/2023 at 3:06 AM, Velicious said:

I would really like to, again, state that I desire connection with other women with experience.

Velicious, i am writing to you as a person who has had your experience, a naturaly alpha female in life who trained as sub for 7 years and over last 3 years questioned that calling and is now as happy as can be as a Mistress to a devoted male submissive. i offer some things to you, for your perusal and consideration.

1, look at your checklist of activities and review them. what do you now like/ dislike

2. Look at your current D/s relationships and see where you are or are not fullfilled. If not, why not?

3. Is it the person/ people you are with, their style or activities that does not satisfy your desires anymore, or is it you, wanting to explore the other side of the coin of Dominant service, because thats what it is.

4. Do you fantasize about being a sub to someone who just 'understands' you?

5, Are you just angry and disappointed?

6. do you have any misgivings about being called a switch, identity crisis/ hidden shame of wanting power/ *** of not being capable?

7. If you were to be a dominant, what would your style be? how would you go about asking for what you want?

8. what have you learned as a submissive, that you could bring to the table as a Dominant?

remeber you are only as fixed as you create yourself to be. I am not going to advise you one way or the other, its a pathway of the heart and of loving ones whole self, but i hope these few things might bring you some clarity. Reach out if you would like to chat further..wishing you grace and ease and a lot of love on your journey. S xx

[Ve****]

13 hours ago, Suzy444 said:

Velicious, i am writing to you as a person who has had your experience, a naturaly alpha female in life who trained as sub for 7 years and over last 3 years questioned that calling and is now as happy as can be as a Mistress to a devoted male submissive. i offer some things to you, for your perusal and consideration.

1, look at your checklist of activities and review them. what do you now like/ dislike

2. Look at your current D/s relationships and see where you are or are not fullfilled. If not, why not?

3. Is it the person/ people you are with, their style or activities that does not satisfy your desires anymore, or is it you, wanting to explore the other side of the coin of Dominant service, because thats what it is.

4. Do you fantasize about being a sub to someone who just 'understands' you?

5, Are you just angry and disappointed?

6. do you have any misgivings about being called a switch, identity crisis/ hidden shame of wanting power/ *** of not being capable?

7. If you were to be a dominant, what would your style be? how would you go about asking for what you want?

8. what have you learned as a submissive, that you could bring to the table as a Dominant?

remeber you are only as fixed as you create yourself to be. I am not going to advise you one way or the other, its a pathway of the heart and of loving ones whole self, but i hope these few things might bring you some clarity. Reach out if you would like to chat further..wishing you grace and ease and a lot of love on your journey. S xx

I love this post so much. I will consider your questions before attempting to respond. 😘

[un****]

I'm 100% dominant but always had this fantasy where a woman dominated me in whatever way she wanted to. I get off on the idea of giving up COMPLETE control.

[Mi****]

I agree with @Velicious, well said. I to, started off as a submissive. I even went as far as to go to slave training, stay in Roanoke, Virginia. As I matured in the community I realize on my own bad I was definitely a dominant. I haven’t looked back since! However, it does sound like something that you love and enjoy i.e. your submissive side has also been challenged by someone that is wanting to flip and change the experience. Very hard to submit to your dominant and have your dominant want to be topped. Unless that you truly desired…… Very much can become a turn off for a submissive who enjoys submitting.  There is nothing wrong with taking some time to figure out what you really do desire, or want in a BDSM relationship or role exchange. After all, you deserve to have/get the things that you desire. If you feel like you are sacrificing your own beliefs or desires for someone else’s fantasies…….. you will be left with resentments. Good luck to you m’dear.
- Xan

[Su****]

Well said

[Mi****]

Ladies, if I may, I'd like to add my take on this.....As a younger woman, I LOVED being a Domme! I got off on my ability to be the one in control as I was always being controlled by "men in charge", (ie. father, husband, bosses, etc.) I got to control my family, my husband (in the bedroom) and somewhat, my own life. It was GREAT, until it wasn't. As I got older and no longer had actual bosses, I became more and more the dominant person in my marriage. I had become the one who made ALL the decisions; large purchases, what my family ate, where to travel, where to live...all that and so much more! It got to be overwhelming and I started pulling away. I dug deep down in my soul to figure out why I no longer enjoyed being in charge. Then it hit me! I still loved being in charge but I just wanted someone to take that away from me once in awhile. I hated letting go of my family stuff and my work stuff because my husband had no clue. We talked and figured out that perhaps HE should control me in our bedroom for a change. I would totally submit to him. I had finally found my sweetspot and it totally changed my outlook. From that moment on, I would still utilize my Domme practices with any subs I had atm but in our bedroom, my husband made the choices and decisions. It was so freeing to have one part of my life being handled by someone else. I finally could take a breath and relinquish at least one part of my life.

[Ve****]

4 hours ago, MistressDarcell said:

Ladies, if I may, I'd like to add my take on this.....As a younger woman, I LOVED being a Domme! I got off on my ability to be the one in control as I was always being controlled by "men in charge", (ie. father, husband, bosses, etc.) I got to control my family, my husband (in the bedroom) and somewhat, my own life. It was GREAT, until it wasn't. As I got older and no longer had actual bosses, I became more and more the dominant person in my marriage. I had become the one who made ALL the decisions; large purchases, what my family ate, where to travel, where to live...all that and so much more! It got to be overwhelming and I started pulling away. I dug deep down in my soul to figure out why I no longer enjoyed being in charge. Then it hit me! I still loved being in charge but I just wanted someone to take that away from me once in awhile. I hated letting go of my family stuff and my work stuff because my husband had no clue. We talked and figured out that perhaps HE should control me in our bedroom for a change. I would totally submit to him. I had finally found my sweetspot and it totally changed my outlook. From that moment on, I would still utilize my Domme practices with any subs I had atm but in our bedroom, my husband made the choices and decisions. It was so freeing to have one part of my life being handled by someone else. I finally could take a breath and relinquish at least one part of my life.

I so apprecyyour authentic share. I resonate with some of what you said. There’s nothing like an in charge masculine to clear away the chaos to focus on our connection and pleasure. Share more!

[69****]

I can't see how it can happen, especially when you yourself want to please, and they want a Dom so I can see it happening over time

[Deleted Member]

I don't think that you're simply a switch. I think that everyone is complex so why not their relationship dynamics? I thought that I was submissive because of my own misunderstanding of myself & the fact that I thought that women are naturally submissive. But I was wrong. I was hiding my own dominance & toning it down for men for a very long time. It wasn't until my previous relationship that I realized that I was dominant leaning. I still enjoy submitting. But I'm just really selective on who gets my submission & I prefer to dominate most of the time now.

[Ve****]

9 hours ago, Switchymoon said:

I don't think that you're simply a switch. I think that everyone is complex so why not their relationship dynamics? I thought that I was submissive because of my own misunderstanding of myself & the fact that I thought that women are naturally submissive. But I was wrong. I was hiding my own dominance & toning it down for men for a very long time. It wasn't until my previous relationship that I realized that I was dominant leaning. I still enjoy submitting. But I'm just really selective on who gets my submission & I prefer to dominate most of the time now.

Yesssss. My submission is a precious precious gift.