Tips for talking dirty without sounding like...

[Deleted Member]

I pulled a line from a porn clip, erotica, hentai, or repetitive body-positive affirmation videos ect. Need some advice for dirty talking because I'm terrible at it.

For context, I'm Ace-Aro and neurodivergent, and I tend to mimic tone and language, which means that I usually sound like whoever I've been talking to a lot or whatever I've been reading (which are usually academic texts). Tends to kill the mood. :/

Edited December 15, 2023 by Deleted Member

[Lu****]

Think from the perspective of the person who you are talking to, consider what turns them on, no need to be complicated, short and simple is powerful, focus in on a particular act, like impact play or praising them, worshiping or slaving for them, and tell them bit by bit things within those lines of acts.

Impact play example: “I want to make that ass mine, so I will smack it and bite it until it submits to me everything I want”

Next, work on tone, emphasis, and facial expression. Find the most powerful part of what you’re saying and make it recognized as such.

Working with the same example: ”I…want to make that ass MINE, so I will SMACK it and BITE it, until it submits to me, EVERYTHING that I want” (say it through your clenched teeth, sternly looking at them as if you want to punish them before they even have a chance to deny or accept their submission)

[Ro****]

Mud

[Declan-Delain]

Have you tried audio book erotica from female voice actors? If your problem with presentation is concern of mimicry and lack of originality maybe it’s worth mimicking a source you actively choose =) I can send you details of a friend of mine that works on personalised kink audios if you’re comfortable with me sending that in a message (I’d rather not display her details publicly)

[Bookof***]

I would advise not mimicking porn and such as often, since really it’s usually all fake, and mostly designed to satisfy a specific demographic’s fantasy. A good way which another user already pointed, is audiobooks. Good narrators, tend to go in deep when it comes to authenticity in their tone, even (or especially) when it comes to sex scenes, or just eroticism as a whole.
Be sure to know your partner(s) likes and dislikes, maybe how they liked to be referred to. Who knows, maybe they do like a porn inspired voice tone, or something beyond our imaginations!

[Deleted Member]

I'm the same, absolutely terrible at dirty talk especially in the bedroom. I feel so awkward if asked 🙄

[My****]

You have to have a layout to dirty talking as if your writing an erotic romance scene, you have to tease her mind with foreplay and use those dirty trigger words to initiate her arousal. Don’t go straight to her sexual parts, talk about her lips, neck and legs. Many submissives have this kink in their top 10 spots, so mastering this skill will separate you from the competition. Educate yourself and learn from others. I can say I’ve mastered this skill, and I’ve noticed a considerable difference in my submissives pleasure and satisfaction.

[de****]

There's alot of psychological "baggage" in talking dirty, even though talk is easier than deeds.
Most of the awkward feelings, that some feel when talking "dirty", are rooted in the taboo around sexuality and other social conducts. This needs to firstly be well understood and deeply thought about, in within yourself, to get rid of some of it.
Secondly, most of the "dirty" ANYTHING is being presented to us(at least most of us), by porn itself, or by people around us which hold a negative aspect, personally, or socially. This makes us automatically process the info towards negativities.
Thirdly, all these basic negativities, lead to you/us having a difficulty to think of our selves(both in physical and mental aspects) as even having a "dirty" side/ organs/tendency, or however we name it.
So, the whole area demands a person to disconnect from alot and dive into a direction, which society taught you that it is wrong, sometimes even cursed.
You can start by choosing just a few terms and elements which attract you and stick to them. Write about them. Think about them. Then talking about them might be easier.
For example, if you feel like a slut, call yourself a slut, in your head, and be proud of it. Think deep what the term slut stands for( socially, personally) and find what your slutty side is begging for. What the slut that us you, need/want/deserves. Then, express it. In your head. Infront of the mirror. With a partner.
The more you will train your brain that it is legit and feel more connected to you being the slut(for example) you feel you are(or want to be), it will flow more naturally you will find it a bit more "you" and less like stealing text from porn.
I hope i made sense and helped a little.

[jo****]

So i read this post last night and my first thought is this makes me think of someone i know. The main thing is humans learn a lot by mimicing things. That is how much of language is learned also dirty talk. On it's own it make sense. What i think might help is too try to write a first person erotic story from your perspective to practice on your own. Amd feel more comfortable with dirty talk.

[Deleted Member]

Say what’s on your mind while your in the moment, what works for me. Don’t feel you have to keep talking or repeating. Take your time, small steps until your fully comfortable.

[St****]

Soften your voice and use words with less syllables.  Close your eyes during your next meal and talk to each piece of food I bet you can't wait to do something with it.

 I can't wait to put you in my mouth as you talk to your broccoli. And in your head think of the word yummy as you're saying it.

Also think of it as poetry because that's what your composing . If you need any assistance you can always message me and I'll help

[Deleted Member]

I'm also awkward at erotic talk. I can get to business I moan with pleasure i just feel embarrassed for no reason.  Like it's like I freeze

Edited December 15, 2023 by Deleted Member

[Am****]

I just use short words ie like good bitch, perfect slut. I’m good at those two word combos but more then that I just ramble on and on and on. My last ex would tell me to shut up!!!! I know she just wanted sex and my talk would distract her

[Deleted Member]

Do you need to talk dirty? I suck at talking in general - be it dirty, erotic or small talk. I've tried to improve, but it appears to be too unnatural for me, so I've simply decided that I won't be working any more on it and instead I tell partners that I'm not a talker. 

I believe in doing what feels right. And maybe talking during sex just isn't right for everyone.

[DarkArts1066]

The thing with dirty talk is - don’t try too hard !.
There is nothing worse than sounding like a bad 1970’s porn film- in your own bedroom.

The key to dirty talk in my opinion is remember that you are doing it to illicit a reaction from the person you are with (unless a solo masturbations session- which should make it even easier)

So-

What do THEY like ?

What words or phrases do they use themselves ?
Are there words or phrases that turn them off ? ( I have a female friend who likes to hear the ‘C’ word - but god help you if you call her a slut!)

Think about the environment.
You wouldn’t start a scenario standing on a tube station platform ?
So think about where you are and what’s appropriate for that location.

Is it a Daddy/Mummy Dom - LG scenario ?

Is it an outright BDSM session ?

Is it just a bedroom session… and more vanilla ?….. in which case, what does your partner like ?

Example: I am a big breast fetishist…

So if my play partner hits me with “do you want to fuck my tits?” As she is unbuttoning her shirt - that’s me sold, and she can then expand on that.

Now - if she says “oh baby, come here and fuck mommas big fat titties….”
Nope. Thats me not coming out to play. I want slutty and seductive- not ‘70s cheese !

Try focusing on a sex act that you know your partner enjoys… and “use the words” !

“Do you want me to suck you off?” Sounds better than “Do you want a blowjob?”

For the Ladies - “I want to taste you” sounds better than “ Do you want me to eat you out”

Just my opinions there - but you get the gist.
The key is knowing what your play partner likes, and listening to the words they themselves use to describe that.

Make sure you are relaxed ….. feel the mood….. have a glass of something to lower those inhibitions a little perhaps ?

One final hint. And this one works well if people are a little shy.
Snuggle up together on a sofa, and read some porn - on a subject that you both enjoy. I don’t mean magazines …. I mean actual books.

There are loads out there of all different genres… all of which can be bought online.

Try reading alternate chapters to each other…. The words will start to flow, hands will start to wander…. And the dirty talk will just - happen.
Believe me - it works.

Good luck.

[sardonicus87]

Honestly, to me, ALL "dirty talk" feels and sounds goofy, corny, and like it got pulled from straight out of a porno.
.
Why do you want to be better at dirty talk?
.
Part of being "good" at it depends on what the other person wants to hear. The other part is then just "sounding sexy" when saying it (like using a breathy voice or something). But that first part is the main part.
.
Though in my experience, people that like "dirty talk", like the lines that sound like they were ripped straight from the sources you mentioned. So just, rip away those goofy sounding lines, they'll love it as long as you use the "sexy voice".

[DarkArts1066]

sardonicus87 - I disagree with your comment that people who like dirty talk “like the lines that sound like they were ripped straight from “ - the sources that were mentioned. That is not the case at all from my perspective. That may have prompted an interest in the idea - but in practice, people are all different, and have different interests. As a result, they want to put their own spin on it.

I’m assuming you didn’t read any of my comments above yours ?

Questioning “why” someone wants to be better at something is their business, and should not be open to discussion, unless it is in a positive way.

[Se****]

3 hours ago, sardonicus87 said:

Honestly, to me, ALL "dirty talk" feels and sounds goofy, corny, and like it got pulled from straight out of a porno.
.
Why do you want to be better at dirty talk?
.
Part of being "good" at it depends on what the other person wants to hear. The other part is then just "sounding sexy" when saying it (like using a breathy voice or something). But that first part is the main part.
.
Though in my experience, people that like "dirty talk", like the lines that sound like they were ripped straight from the sources you mentioned. So just, rip away those goofy sounding lines, they'll love it as long as you use the "sexy voice".

I have to wholly disagree with you here.

Dirty talk done well is (for some people) a huge turn on and exceptionally hot however I will concede it is not everyone’s cup of tea.

I LOVE dirty talk. I love someone (I know and have connected with - this is not an invitation for random people to send unsolicited messages) telling me exactly what they are going to do to me and how and what they think of me.

Unfortunately I’m not very good at reciprocating - I wish I was - so it tends to involve me telling them what I want or need or am desperate for or asking them for something I want eg please let me suck your cock… please fuck me…

[Deleted Member]

I like detail. It makes it real

[Deleted Member]

On 12/15/2023 at 4:42 AM, Cacti said:

I pulled a line from a porn clip, erotica, hentai, or repetitive body-positive affirmation videos ect. Need some advice for dirty talking because I'm terrible at it.

For context, I'm Ace-Aro and neurodivergent, and I tend to mimic tone and language, which means that I usually sound like whoever I've been talking to a lot or whatever I've been reading (which are usually academic texts). Tends to kill the mood. :/

Relax be yourself, tale time to express yourself x

[sa****]

It's stupid but find one of your good trusted guy friends and ask if he's OK with some stupid banter back in forth while you try out your bed room vanaculure. And check online for common bedroom talk. Make your own and rock that bedroom with on point dirty talk.. Ya!

[Deleted Member]

I have experience with neurodiversity; what exactly is your neurodivergent strength?

[Yo****]

I struggle with this but that’s coming from a 24 year relationship where I’ve only just started opening up about my desires. I really like the idea of dirty talk and have tried it but I feel a bit awkward, I guess this will improve with time.

[Se****]

Honestly, you just speak from the heart and the mind. You definitely cannot go wrong when you speak from the heart and the mind. And then have a voyeur mouth. I speak to my partner when I have one as if she is not there. And I mentally think that in my brain. So at this point you're not acting for somebody you're just expressing your own true thoughts and feelings. And, you can never go wrong with honesty

[Deleted Member]

Maybe you are not a talker and that's ok. If you have to *** it, it would lose its spontaneity and authenticity. I find it a huge turn on if someone describes what they would do to me or think of doing to me with just words but I'm not great at reciprocating because I do feel the awkwardness and clam up but sounds and noises come out of me naturally which I find can be a huge turn on for some people.