Deep dive into the psyche

[li****]

So as I’m exploring different kinks and fantasies, I was thinking about how deep these desires go and a little bit about where it originated from. I’m very introspective and self aware (its a curse) but I don’t know if many people look that deep into it because that can be a little bit of a scary thought, at least for me. But I was kind of wondering if maybe that’s a good thing, and exploring my sexuality and bringing some of these fantasies come to fruition would maybe help me heal some old wounds I may have? More specifically I’m talking about inner child healing. What do you guys think can BDSM be a healing thing?

[No****]

I think it can be very healing. I know being in a Dom/sub relationship with my Dom has helped address the power balance that was missing in my past relationships.

[Ki****]

A lot of people are drawn to BDSM for that reason and believe it can help heal wounds. I believe it is either who you are or not. The mind can be a very tricky and confusing place, especially where trauma is concerned. BDSM can be very complicated in terms of feelings itself. ***, control and physical *** often bring up a lot of confusing feelings. To use something that is not well understood to try to heal trauma is probably going to add a layer of confusion, not bring clarity. I strongly advise to get professional help for trauma first before delving into BDSM. There are kink friendly therapists if the two overlap. 

[Deleted Member]

If I am being 100% honest no I do not think it brings any healing. If anything I would say that most of these kinks are developed from sort of *** or trauma that happened when we were kids. It is just manifested from those experiences through the kinks. But digging into the why you feel the way you feel and thinking back to when you started feeling this way and why you will at least be able to identify it.

[Cl****]

These comments

[Ki****]

I think BDSM can help you heal your inner child, especially if you’re in a child has been ***d in a sexual manner it helps reset your psyche and you realize you’re not just being used for sex you’re using sex to heal yourself

[li****]

So for me and what I’m currently exploring is DDlg and I pretty much already know this is directly correlated to my abandonment wound. (I didn’t receive love as a child) I think if I could find someone to show me that special type of care and affection it would help me close that wound just a little bit.

[li****]

I am about to have a therapy session I’ll be back with updates lol

[BigPolly]

BDSM allows us to explore ‘control’.
Whatever role we play we are always in control of allowing what happens to us either by setting limits or removing limits. This allows us to visit taboo situations and at what level.
For some of us this is a straightforward lifestyle and it’s who we are, for others it’s simply intriguing, for others it allows them to revisit places they didn’t want to be in but this time with that element of control.
So is it healing? Only you can decide that but if you are in total control of your play & your scenes then you are going to get out of it exactly what you desire but in order to have complete control you need clarity of mind beforehand.

[Ki****]

1 hour ago, lilsweetgirl said:

I am about to have a therapy session I’ll be back with updates lol

I’m gonna follow your comments don’t have a therapist anymore they let me down more than they build me up but I will look at your thread and see what you say

[li****]

Ok so my therapists take: I have to be really careful because it can go either way. Yes it can be uplifting and fulfilling because it is a very intimate connection of trust and vulnerability and going back to revisit those wounds can either help you take charge of your feelings and heal or it can trigger old feelings of shame or whatever other negative feelings that were attached there. I have to continually check in with myself and make sure that I’m staying true to myself and whatever feelings arise and assessing whether they are still positive or not. I have to know my boundaries and not be scared to speak up when something doesn’t align with me. And of course educate myself and have a good idea that I know what I’m doing, knowing what to look out for, and pretty much just making sure everything is safe and ethical.

[Sh****]

Exploration into the dark caverns pertaining to what it is we can only attempt to wrap our ‘minds’ around, and activating the Heart while in this process… The secret here on this fungus patch (Earth)

The darkness has all the answers the Light needs to shine through it 🤷🏻

[Sassy13]

I think that while it often has the***utic qualities, it's not therapy and shouldn't be used for that.

I agree with what others have said about it creating a controlled environment in which to revisit or replay those past scenarios or traumatic points in our lives, allowing us to reclaim the power that may have been taken from us

[li****]

I mean for me it’s not necessarily a traumatic event, more like filling a void from the parental love I did not receive

[Ki****]

10 hours ago, Sassy13 said:

I think that while it often has the***utic qualities, it's not therapy and shouldn't be used for that.

I agree with what others have said about it creating a controlled environment in which to revisit or replay those past scenarios or traumatic points in our lives, allowing us to reclaim the power that may have been taken from us

The thing is it is not controlled. The scenario possibly but where the mind goes can be wildly uncontrolled. That’s why aftercare is essential, to help process what we just went through. BDSM before getting your mind straight is opening up a minefield that might only make things worse. If taking that route, proceed with extreme caution. Good support is advised as well. I just hate the thought of someone enduring more trauma by opening old wounds, or even creating new ones, without knowing how to close them up. 

[PennyRoyal]

Heyas! As you are an introspective person, BDSM can be very the***utic, relaxing, freeing, and satisfying as long as you take your time with it. Find someone respectful, and trustworthy to help you explore yourself, and find what you enjoy, and then think it through, feel it through, and I'll bet you will find aspects of you that you didn't know could be! Best of luck in your exploration, remember; safe, sane, and consensual gal! Xo

[LARopeTop]

I'm not a therapist. I'm glad you have one, to help you through this. My personal take on the void you describe is that nothing fills it; you never get Daddy back; time is irreplaceable.

Instead of filling the void, grow! Enlarge your life and your experience so that you don't notice the void so much any more, and when you do it's just a tiny black spot in a vast and beautiful landscape. DD/lg isn't therapy but it is experience - and it can be great experience, filled with love and praise and belonging, that you can refer to instead and feel joy about when you're tempted to psspsspss into the void and feel sad.

DD/lg, especially with BDSM mixed in, could trigger you. Your mind could go lots of places. Some of those places aren't nice, and can feel a bit like "night terrors." Your dom, or Daddy, isn't a trained professional in dealing with that. That's the RACK of it. Just like the RACK of bondage is: you could die or be permanently crippled if bondage goes wrong.

tl;dr Experience, not therapy. Growth, not healing. In my opinion.

Edited January 22 by LARopeTop
Added a few words for clarity about training.

[Jaguar54]

This is a deep one. I'm not sure that everyone digs down into the why's and wherefore's, instead just accepting what is and running with it. For myself, I was the victim of a classic 'wicked step-mother'. She would beat me at the drop of a hat. Initially I assumed she was right and I was an exceptionally evil child. Later I realised that I was not exceptional, naughty sometimes just like any other kid, and that she was just wanting to beat me down for other family reasons (too complicated to explain here). But through my experiences with BDSM, I have come to recognise that she was in fact taking pleasure from beating me. Subtle nuances in the way she went about thrashing me reveal the classic tricks I use in 'play' to enhance my disciplinary role.

So no, healing isn't possible for me, what's done is done. But being able to identify what was really going on has clarified things.