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Hard limits?


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I was posed an interesting question and thought why not post. So you and your sub have gone through your kinks  and find you have in incompatability say you are super duper into something Buuuuut it is on your subs list of hard limits? How does one go about creating equilibrium in an instance such as this? Also Should a dom in that situation create scenes involving said hard limit in the hopes the sub no longer considers that a hard limit?


A question is obviously what is more important to the Dominant

- that activity


- their relationship with the sub

if it's the activity - they need to find a new sub. If it's the sub, they need to accept that activity probably isn't going to happen

spinning on it's head you could say, what is most important to the sub... but the answer is usually a Dominant who respects their wishes and limits


limits can be changeable, but they should never be a challenge.  I guess I'm lucky in the sense there's activities I like that my wife will not do, but I am permitted to do with others.  Though, this does mean I've never pissed on or gunged as many people as I'd like : my relationship with my wife is more important than those activities.

Communication, I would say. Sit down with your partner and discuss what it is that you want to do. Both of you need to be open-minded, either to remove the decision that the activity is a hard limit by slowly and carefully exploring boundaries, or find am activity that involves compromise. There is no reason why there cannot be a situation to a problem, you just need to communicate and find level ground

Hard limits in this lifestyle are no joke. Hard limits should be 100% respected and never challenged. No one should claim something as a hard limit if they're willing to explore it - that would be a soft limit. Subs shouldn't add something to a hard limit just because they don't like it. A hard limit is something you will absolutely never ever consider doing. 

That said, if you're in a dynamic and you've developed trust, then the one with the hard limit can speak to their partner if they would like to consider gently moving towards it being a soft limit. 

Your question is concerning in terms of consent - the sub has not given consent so in no way whatsoever should the Dom include it in a scene. 

Ultimately we will never find someone with 100% of the same kinks and limits as us. But that's no excuse to ignore a hard limit 

Hard limits or boundaries are always there for a reason , and that’s to protect both of you! They don’t go away like soft limits can, be very careful about even discussing them as this alone can trigger dramatic effects.

Hard limits are a hard limit for a reason.

Personalyy, i have discussed mine with my Dom and while we have talked about them, explored if they actually are a hard limit i know that he would never attempt to introduce them into our play.

Agree with everything posted. Hard limits should always be respected. If someone i was with ignored my hard limits i'd lose any trust i had in them, and for me no trust equates to no relationship.


This is why negotiating before anything else is so important. It is during this phase that you communicate to your partner what your needs and limits are and if they are completely incompatible you take it no further.

If something comes up during a relationship then communication is the key. Never should anything be introduced into a play scene that hasn't been agreed to beforehand

Tank you everyone! So my honest answer was just that hard limit is hard limit and close to what eyemblacksheep had said of would she be ok with him seeking another partner for that, I haven't heard back from the sub since and was why I kinda wanted to post just to see what other opinions Were out there maybe learn and grow me self :)

Learning and growing is essential to the lifestyle ❤️❤️❤️❤️

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