Being a good sub

[wa****]

How can I be a good sub if I’ve never done it before? How do I know I fit well with a dom? How do I distinguish nervousness from a new situation and nervousness from being too uncomfortable? Should I learn to not be uncomfortable and move on? Also, I feel like I would be more of a bratty sub, but how much is too much? Let me know y’all’s thoughts, I’d really appreciate it!

[JimBo660]

My advice would be when you meet the right Dom it'll come easy. It's all about being open and honest and knowing what they want and what you want. Definitely don't learn to feel uncomfortable. And there's always Doms out there and love a bratty sub so once you meet the right one it will never feel like too much ☺️

[br****]

Any new experience brings about some nervousness. You need to listen to yourself and what is too much for you and never be scared of saying you need to take a break or stop. I would suggest taking things slowly if you are unsure or feel very nervous, and then build from there. Your dom should understand this.

[DA****]

what would you like to know? i been in this Lifestyle for over 12 years

[Bu****]

Communication is key here. Make sure you get to know your dom and ease into the relationship. Find out your limits and if your not ok say so.

[Deviant_Ric]

Be yourself and be true to your needs. A good Dom will nurture your true self and encourage your development.
How much is too much - don’t put on an act, just be yourself, and then it’s not a pretence.

Don’t feel compelled to do everything all at once, and never ever allow yourself to be pressured into anything you really don’t feel comfortable with.

[Me****]

Remember as a sub, you still have power. If something gets too uncomfortable you can always say no. That’s why we have safe words and limits. Part of the experience is experimenting, somethings will be new and may make you a bit nervous or uncomfortable, but that’s true for many aspects of life. If it interests you though, look into it, research, and you must, absolutely, talk to your partner about this. If you like it, great. If out an absolute no, then move on. If it’s a soft no then do more research or do this right here. Ask questions with members of the community.

[ev****]

Only do what you are comfortable doing, don't let anyone put pressure on you because if they do they are not a true dom.

[Ta****]

As you can see, the is a consistent suggestion: feel comfortable in your own skin.

Being nervous for new experiences? Totally normal (even a common sense Dom goes through that believe it or not).

Swallow it and just take it in the chin? He'll no

It will be a problem down the road if you don't talk about it and solve it emotionally, with your Dom and with the mirror 😉

Hope it helps

[Ma****]

Obviously you can’t just decide to be comfortable and not nervous. How you feel is how you feel and it is up to you whether you decided to push through it or leave the uncomfortable situation. You can however engineer your situation into one that you feel comfortable in.
I recommend always having a conversation with your Dom before you play. If you want to call this a pre-play negotiation or give it some other label that is up to you. But before you have started playing you should talk as equals about what you want to do and avoid and this is your opportunity to explain that you are nervous and make any stipulations that you need to make to help put yourself at ease. I recommend starting slowly with something simple like a spanking or some light rope play. If you build trust with your partner you will feel more comfortable under their control.
It sounds from your original post that you are talking about a hypothetical Dom rather than an actual person. If this is that case you will probably find yourself more comfortable when you play with a real person. The same is true with regards to how bratty you feel and also how bratty is too much. This depends from person to person and should also be a part of your pre-play chat.
Hope this helps - good luck.

[bi****]

Listen to yourself. Dare things that you fantasized about before, but stay attentive. Communicate if you don’t feel comfortable. Go small steps and repeat things that you enjoyed before.
Communication is key, talk to the partner before, meanwhile and afterwards.

[GL****]

I'm not gonna say that my way is the best way or only way. As a Dom, I'm very versatile and adaptable, depending on the submissive I'm with. Whether you are brand spanking new. (Pun intended) or an experienced veteran. My process is the same. I try to learn all persons wants, needs,likes and dislikes. I try to figure out why, how or what makes them feel submissive. I try to learn everything about them, including things like their medical history and childhood.. I have found me being *** helps them be ***.
You need to find someone who will put in the time, effort, and patience to really figure out all this stuff with you.
People expect the shit to be easy just because we may have some common kinks. Finding the right person takes hard work actually. The energy you put into it is going to be the energy you get out of it. Find someone who makes you feel comfortable and safe to explore all your thoughts and fantasies. However, you want your submission to be, is how it should be. You are going to take some losses and make some mistakes. I know I have taken and done my share. Just be you and whoever is meant to find you will find you. I'm sure you're gonna make someone extremely blessed and grateful to have you one day.

[Ta****]

Important thing: you can change your mind! Even if agreed and initially drawn into something...if for whatever reason your not comfortable, stop it

But that's not just kink/bdsm: it's common sense in life

[ot****]

There’s a lot of good advice here, and the subject of feeling uncomfortable has been answered well.

Many submissive’s new to the lifestyle, at the beginning of their journey, can focus too much on “being a good sub”. If you’re yet to match with your Dom, you have no obligation to submit. A strong Ds dynamic only works when both partners are right for each other. As such, you need to be clear in your mind and in communicating with potential Dom’s as to what you want. If being bratty is one of your primary characteristics then make that known when talking to people. No two Dom’s are the same, some are actually quite gentle in their approach, care-givers, Daddy’s etc. But even the most masochistic Dom will always care for and nurture their partner, ideally growing together on your journey.
So don’t put too much emphasis on being a good sub too early on. Focus on getting to know your Dom, be honest and open and you’ll find the right match. Good luck, and enjoy every moment

[Ki****]

Love what you added to the thread

[Ch****]

One thing I would say is once you've found a Dominant, even though you may share kinks and limits in common... Is to actually submit to them. Just cause you may enjoy something doesn't mean you will get it often or when you want it. You are there to serve and please your Dominant, and your preferred kinks are just part of their repertoire of treats and rewards they can dole out based on their Judgement and wants. They are not a kink dispenser for you. Thinking about this while meeting and vetting potential matching partners helps a lot. Like, most Dominants I come across I wouldn't submit to. Not saying they're good or bad Dommes it's just when I find a match there is a little spark there that whispers in your mind that their will is worthy to be followed and admired

[Ki****]

Well put

[Fo****]

Communicate with your Dom use safe word and listen to your self

[bi****]

2 hours ago, ChastityUser said:

One thing I would say is once you've found a Dominant, even though you may share kinks and limits in common... Is to actually submit to them. Just cause you may enjoy something doesn't mean you will get it often or when you want it. You are there to serve and please your Dominant, and your preferred kinks are just part of their repertoire of treats and rewards they can dole out based on their Judgement and wants. They are not a kink dispenser for you. Thinking about this while meeting and vetting potential matching partners helps a lot. Like, most Dominants I come across I wouldn't submit to. Not saying they're good or bad Dommes it's just when I find a match there is a little spark there that whispers in your mind that their will is worthy to be followed and admired

Well that’s one way it can go, but if that’s not the way one want it, that’s okay too.

[Ju****]

I appt his post and thread. I'm new to all of this and this question helped so much

[Kr****]

To be a good sub, is a hard term to define, like others have stated, that is between you and your Dom. Personal a brat is a very good girl. To me she is wanting to be punished. A good sub isn't always a good sub. Some subs enjoy the punishment, so they do things to make it so. You just need to find what will meet your needs and your Doms needs. This should be a good discussion for you and your possible dom to figure out. Find you a good switch that is a mentor, they can show you both sides of the dynamic. Hope that helps somewhat.

[CopperKnob]

How did you navigate matters in vanilla dating? Egnwhether you and a potential date/partner were a good fit?
No difference
Truly

[Ro****]

I have a picture series called Red Flags by @stardustmommy on Tumblr, posted to my profile! Good information mostly geared towards subs but also handy for Tops and Doms so they don't enable dangerous or unhealthy behavior.

[Co****]

Think about what excites you and interests you about submission and discuss it with a potential Don. Talk with the Dom and find out what they are looking for in a sub. You want to find someone who seems to be a good match, is interested in some of the things that interest you, and is willing to help you explore while respecting your limits. D/s covers a lot of different things and you aren’t required to be interested in all of it.

[TwistedRonin33]

A lot of this comes down the the nuance of the dynamic you're have with your dominant partner. The only "correct" way to learn your limits is through clear communication and mutual consent. To help identify nerves, I would suggest agreeing to a secondary safe-word for when you're unsure how you feel about something as a way to communicate to your dom that they should ease up, but you don't want them to fully stop.

As for knowing your fit with a Dom, that's not easily told until you hit that moment where they earn your trust. Any Dom worth their salt will respect your limits despite their own wants or needs. The Dom and Sub titles are contradictory to their nature; the Submissive is only Dominated because they allow it, and the Dominant is a slave to the Submissive's limitations/concent.