Daddy's, how do we best take care of depressed Littles? 🥺

[Deleted Member]

Hey y'all.

A Daddy here ☺️

I was looking for as much advice as possible, and how to best approach this delicate situation. I'm brand new into long distance texting and little play with an adorable little who I care for deeply. She's going through some things right now and she's a tad bit closed off, I believe she might be depressed 🥺 I usually can tell signs of depression even over text messages.

I'm a very very caregiving Daddy, but due to my autistic nature and my rampant mouth and texting, which is an unfortunate side effect of my personality, I'm worried my talking wayyyy too much might be a problem here and I'm a bit flustered.

Fellow Daddy's, doms, Littles and all, how can I best approach this and help my baby girl? Since I'm autistic, subtlety goes over my head, so I'm always constantly working overtime in my thoughts trying to piece together social skills that come natural for normal folks.

Since this is the BDSM scene and Littles are a delicate treasure 💖, what should I do? I think I might be sending too many comforting voice messages, or should I be sending more?

When Littles are depressed, should us Daddy's give MORE comfort and little space talk? Is that the time to back off? Where is the balance that I should be hitting in this delicate situation?

Anything helps, thanks!

[ph****]

Aww baby long as u n her talking about the same thing n keeping the spark going u should b good bby

[se****]

I’d recommend talking to her as an adult just to check in. And then focus on listening. When there’s a lull in the conversation, say “what else?” Or “tell me more.” Leave it open-ended. Encourage her to seek a professional opinion, too.

[Da****]

Unfortunately, there’s no instruction manual.

You should tell her you can sense when she’s depressed and ask her if you’re talking too much or if it is helping her. Ask if there is anything you can do for her when she is down like that.

Maybe keep her grounded by enforcing bed times, exercise regimens and chore schedules?

Unfortunately, I don’t have much experience with this kind of thing, and what little I know is based on mistakes I made, not on successes.

[theporters]

If my Daddy was sending me voice messages, personally, I'd love that! But honestly I feel like you should sit down with her (metaphorically) and ask her directly-- "babygirl, as your Daddy, I was wondering if you could tell me what would make you feel better that I could do for you on a bad day?" In the beginning of a new relationship, it's not a bad thing to talk about what she might find comforting so that you stay within the realm of her boundaries as well as likes. It's better to get direct information instead of guessing and possibly offending your sub. Consent is key in all aspects of BDSM. As for the depression part, I would give her more time to trust you and see if she brings it up herself after some more time together, otherwise I would consider bringing it up if you notice it getting worse or potentially dangerous after a bit more time. Best of luck! ♥️

[Deleted Member]

Ask her. She will know best. Ask her if you are texting/ talking too much. Ask her what she needs, if she wants more or less. Don’t try to guess. Be direct, not subtle. And be patient, she might not know or answer right away. You 100% convinced us you deeply care. How will you convince her? Talk less, listen more. Find out and respect her desires/ wishes…

[Deleted Member]

It’s usually really hard to tell over text because if they’re not fully being honest the top can’t fix the situation. You could have them express their concerns doing journal time and have them send you the pages if they feel comfortable - doesn’t have to be words could be expressive drawings maybe if they’re too little to write. So they’re not feeling pressured to type it all out. sometimes a video chat while they’re cuddling with a stuff *** might help. So they can express big feelings. Maybe they just need time to collect themselves. Has your little expressed anyway they dealt with their own depression before recent ?

[Deleted Member]

I agree with those above. If you are a Dom (Daddy or otherwise) being direct should be second nature to you. Be direct and ask her to be direct with you. You want to know if she is feeling depressed or having anxiety. Tell her you expect honesty and that you are the last person she should try to hide her feelings from. As Dom’s we should be giving our subs (littles, brats, etc)Respect, safety, protection ( to include from themselves), and love. If they know that and feel that it will go a long way towards them opening up to you. Once she feels free to be open with you she will let you know how she is doing and, hopefully, tell you the signs and/or triggers to look for when she is struggling. You said you really care for her. Make sure she knows that.

[Pr****]

Some small advice sometimes being dom is not everything if they are depressed sometimes just sitting on the couch holding them in a warm embrace works

[Mo****]

That’s part of being a Dom, I’d say - knowing when to set it aside and just protect them.

[Deleted Member]

As ram dass says .. You can't let or stop the birds of sadness from flying overhead but you can stop them from nesting in your hair

[Pu****]

I wouldn’t cancel out the possibility she might have more than one long distance“texting daddy” and she might just be exploring options. But also from personal experience, depression and stress can really lower sex drive so she might just be busy dealing with stuff

[Ba****]

Ask her what she wants, to talk about, be distracted from it, or left alone. Respect her choice and find out what works for her. When I'm struggling, I go more into my little space when I feel safe. It's comforting to be looked after. But if I don't feel safe, I naturally play up and push away. Every little is different, and it depends what her little space feels like.
Communicate, reassure and keep adjusting.

[th****]

Ask what is wanted and needed. From the answers work out what you can and can't do. It never helps to just keep asking if they're okay too so just don't. Accept that you can't solve everything but solve all those things you can big and small and they will help as best they can. Just be supportive, reassure of self and situations, keep track of their changing needs and wants and try your best to meet every one you can. I always find cleaning up really helps too, tidy home tidy mind.

[Deleted Member]

Pretty much everything I would advise was already said before.

Just keep it simple and ask what she wants.

If she trusts you enough she will tell you.
If not, just keep up the caring business until she tells you to stop.
Then at least you will never have to worry about that you maybe didn't care enough.

I wish you both all the best!

[Lost-Girl]

I recommend presents and distraction

[Ln****]

Supportive, but not demanding is the approach and then allow them to lean into or away from you as much a necessary has always been my style, but people respond to different things differently...so careful!

[Deleted Member]

What do you do when she simply wants the sadness to go away? How can I help her do that in long distance?

[Deleted Member]

At the end of the day, W/we aren't Doms, subs, Daddy's, littles, Masters, slaves, etc., W/we are all people. My suggestion is to put the dynamic aside for a moment and ask Your little what is going on and what they need.

People in the community tend to forget sometimes that W/we are all people with real emotions and feelings behind the dynamics and Honorifics.

Maybe this time it isn't their Daddy that they need. Maybe they need that friend instead. Being a Dominant doesn't always mean being in control. You have to know when to relinquish that control and step out of Your role to ensure whatever You have to for your little.

I'd suggest being a friend. Shelf the dynamic for a second and just be a friend. If they are depressed, it may be nothing that they dynamic can help. Sometimes it requires medical intervention. Only Your little truly knows that.

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, PNWDDlg said:

At the end of the day, W/we aren't Doms, subs, Daddy's, littles, Masters, slaves, etc., W/we are all people. My suggestion is to put the dynamic aside for a moment and ask Your little what is going on and what they need.

People in the community tend to forget sometimes that W/we are all people with real emotions and feelings behind the dynamics and Honorifics.

Maybe this time it isn't their Daddy that they need. Maybe they need that friend instead. Being a Dominant doesn't always mean being in control. You have to know when to relinquish that control and step out of Your role to ensure whatever You have to for your little.

I'd suggest being a friend. Shelf the dynamic for a second and just be a friend. If they are depressed, it may be nothing that they dynamic can help. Sometimes it requires medical intervention. Only Your little truly knows that.

Love this answer

[Deleted Member]

When I'm depressed, all I want is for my Dd to tell me he's there for me. If I feel like talking, I want him to listen and just respond with "I'm sorry" or "that really sucks" whatever the appropriate response may be. I don't always need his advice, I just want him to hear me and be able to know that he has my back.
So, just tell her that you are there to support her for whatever she needs.

[NY****]

They just need you to be available bro

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, NikitaTx said:

When I'm depressed, all I want is for my Dd to tell me he's there for me. If I feel like talking, I want him to listen and just respond with "I'm sorry" or "that really sucks" whatever the appropriate response may be. I don't always need his advice, I just want him to hear me and be able to know that he has my back.
So, just tell her that you are there to support her for whatever she needs.

This is another good point.
Sometimes you need to ask if they want advice or just want you to listen. Just because you want to help doesn't mean it's what they need.
You know your little. You also know your partner. And sometimes you need to be a partner and not a Daddy.
I hope they feel better soon. It's hell when you are fighting yourself. No one is harder on themselves than their own mind.

[Su****]

I’m not too much of a little but I’m a sub and I love to be held and told I’m alright and that I’m safe.

[Da****]

Honestly, it depends on your dynamic and the type of relationship you have. I'm not a typical Daddy with a little, or even actually seeking a little. But it has been my experience to know that every relationship has a different dynamic just as every person may have different tastes.
...All that said, the hardest part for you to try to figure out with your partner, is the type of depression. Without realizing what you are asking, there are about 100 different types of depression anyone can deal with on a regular basis. The most common form that I've found is a lack of confidence, which causes an individual to constantly second guess themselves and thus, cause themselves self destructive harm. Now I'm not a psychiatrist. I cannot tell you how to fix your little. All I can tell you is that sometimes the easiest way to boost another person's confidence is by constantly complimenting them for their efforts, and if they are scared to do something, walk them through it, Even if it seems like baby steps, one at a time, they will Begin to feel confident in you and around you. Trust is a major factor.