Working through trauma to be more sex positive

[Deleted Member]

I am seeking advice on how to work through my trauma while trying to be sex positive because I am struggling. I am also pretty upset right now that due to my traumatic past I have lost several important people in my life and seek to overcome this.

For me I see myself as a kinky queer horny explorer. I'm curious about people, I want to try so many things, and I am still learning about myself. To be honest if std/i weren't a thing I would be 100x more sluttier--and that side of me desperately wants to get out and explore.

However, I have had countless traumatic experiences in the past that keep me from feeling safe and capable of traversing the sexual landscape. I felt lost for a while, trapped by my ***s. To the point that my heart would race before any hook up and then have an anxiety attack after--[because someone lied to me about their status and I had to get tested, a very stressful 2weeks but I came back all negative.]

I have had some progress. I hooked up with a Columbian guy years ago at a hostel--he had the biggest dick I've ever seen in person (nearly as long as my forearm no lie), I smashed an FTM bear, and I almost got to explore some kinks with an fwb. So I'm slowly working through it but it's slow goings.

Thoughts?

[Kr****]

I'm currently going through a lot of PTSD and insomnia kicks relentlessly, a lot of it does help with some therapy, talking about it like to friends or people who don't judge or anything, being open to a lot of things to topics really helps the brain relax and start closing doors in your mind. Or even open them .

Therapy is in many options not a lot of it is stuff you have to pay for either it's all trust based and a connection is all you need mostly, I'll say ever so nice I started opening up to special friends that I deeply trust it was a lot of weight being lifted . It's not a full cure tho but it does help and make things a little easier the more you do and the deeper down a rabbit hole you take someone can also help them to in a weird way.

Some people will help tho but it all depends on that connection , takes time to break some chains and open doors. I'm still working on mine and been at it for 6 years, had a new set back trauma that was pretty brutal so now I have to get over that one while continuing my old one...

Have patience d
And don't be afraid to try to push past a few things and test your mind boundaries. Your brain will tell you things along with let you know how it feels to.

[ey****]

therapy

 

[Deleted Member]

In therapy though each therapist only last about a year it's hard to open up to them because I got to fill them in on everything that happened prior. There is also hiccups. Like I couldn't open up about my sexuality to my female black therapist because the stigma of a queer black male is so high. Then my current one is white and hasn't experienced racism so I had to explain what code switching and what its like to be black in America to her. I would talk to my friends but we are all going through some serious shit and are ***tered. I was out for a year with a severe ***. Just got back a few months ago and my whole friend group has fallen apart.
Plus I current neighbor the str8 and vanilla side of society. Most of my friends get lost in any past basic hetero sex. (For context they didn't know what eating ass was about or pegging, when I explained it to them the whole car was like "What!?!)

[Deleted Member]

Oh physical trauma too forgot about that. I'm still recovering from my *** and had a hook up. We were wrestling and then they put a ton of pressure on my *** site. Because I couldn't hold my own they blocked me. All these fast rejections make me feel like a tool they are using half the time.

[Kr****]

Ayy of you want to try someone like me to talk to, we can take our time and you can't get comfy and take your time with it, I don't mind helping anyone,I love to be there for people and nothing you say will turn me away, iv been through a lot not to say I have more than you or anything but I get a lot of what iv read so far . Feel free to reach out if you want to give it a try 🤗

[Deleted Member]

Thanks I'll keep you in mind 👍🏿

[Deleted Member]

Its always best to work with a trauma informed emdr specialist. In my experience CBT and most general therapists dont do anything for my big T traumas. It will take time to find one but searching for one that matches your needs right now is always the better choice. I honestly wouldnt be around if it werent for finding an amazing one that really does work on my issues and not just “feelings” that i dont actually know im feeling in the moment. I would see local queer groups for assistance and narrow down from there. Therapists are open to help just got to reach out to several to find a match

[Kr****]

Also just remember, ***d souls can take more advantage of life, we also make the best art lol

[TheZenCommander]

Look for tending the garden on ig. Lots of great survivor resources there.

[oh****]

You say “slow goings,” but it’s still going! Be proud of the strides you’ve been making! Trust that the right people—partners, friends, therapists—will find you if you’re open and honest. And be patient; time does help. And cherish that we have outlets like this where we learn that we are not alone.

[Th****]

I strongly recommend therapy. It very much helped me. I went with art therapy too, extremely expressive! Get to see your state of mind sorta? No shame in seeking it too, I know some still feel it