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Pampered

Confused newbie

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Pampered
Posted

Ok so some of you have already read my previous questions and I played my first scene last night. 

With this being my first ever scene I was expecting to be instructed by my Dom on positions and what his instructions meant etc. (We had already agreed safe words etc)

Then taught what would invoke punishment etc. enjoyed some play, with a mild amount of pain. 

Though I felt completely safe and was not pushed to do anything I came away from the session...I don't know feeling a bit meh. 

We didn't do anything that I was expecting (the first bit above) I don't feel like I served Him properly. 

I even asked the question after the session if I was his first sub (which I wouldn't mind as I would be more than happy to learn together). He told me I'm not but he didn't come across as confident in instructing me. Does that make sense?

Because I've researched the scene before giving over to it have I done more harm than good? 

I did make sure we discussed the session after and told him what I thought of the session.  He took that to mean I was uncomfortable with what had happened... Even though I wasn't. 

What should I do next? I'm keeping the conversation going so that I can serve him the way he wants (and still get my own requirements met i.e. safe play where I'm pushed and can explore this side of my sexuality)

Did I do something wrong? We're my expectations unreasonable/ wrong? Should I give over and let him lead me the way he wants and forget about sub poses as He doesn't require me to be in them?

It's this usual?

I'm so confused. 

  • Like 2
Posted
Firstly, if I may, a question. Was he aware this was your first ever scene? If so, maybe that contributed to how he was with you & your feeling a little deflated if that is the correct term. You were of course right to research the scene first to get a good idea of what is involved & what to expect, but remember every D/s relationship differs & varies, not all Doms are the same, nor indeed are all subs. I would recommend talking to him about it some more before playing again, about what both his & your expectations & wants are. Then see how it goes. It is, of course, your decision whether to continue with it if after a while you're still not feeling satisfied or fulfilled, but maybe he just isn't the one to provide what you hoped or expected, conversation & time will tell. Best of luck to you.
  • Like 1
Posted
Ohhhh I thought I was the only one who went through this time & time again. If there’s one thing to me that makes a really good Dom it’s simply ‘confidence’! It’s not experience or skills or who knows the best tricks & punishments it is simply how the session is delivered. I have only ever found a handful of Doms that can deliver in a way that makes me feel like a true sub. Each one has bought something different to the table but I have rarely left one wanting to go back for more (& that is no insult to anyone who may be reading this.) I thought this was just me because I was a Domme for so many years I thought my expectations were too high. I have found a couple of Doms who can deliver with confidence & consistency but I have found more that felt like it was just a half kinky night away from the wife 😬
  • Like 1
Posted
My personal suggestion...maybe try one more session & if you’re left feeling the same way then you are on 2 different pages & need to find someone who is on the same level of kink as you are in order for you to get out of your journey the same as you’re putting in.
  • Like 2
eyemblacksheep
Posted

sometimes it takes a few scenes for momentum - it's always better to not overstep the mark and come back for more, then him overstep the mark and you not wanting to do it again.

  • Like 4
Pampered
Posted
1 hour ago, Fenrir said:

Firstly, if I may, a question. Was he aware this was your first ever scene? If so, maybe that contributed to how he was with you & your feeling a little deflated if that is the correct term.

Yes, he knew it was my first scene. And that makes sense. 

50 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

sometimes it takes a few scenes for momentum - it's always better to not overstep the mark and come back for more, then him overstep the mark and you not wanting to do it again.

 That's what I found in my research too. That a good scene is one where both feel they could have gone further. 

  • Like 1
Posted
Like, others have said, it sounds like you are on different pages. If I was you, I would 1) consider each other’s general ’love’ languages. Use this to communicate more effectively. 2) consider if the specific activities you engage in are too self gratifying for the Dom. In my relationship both of the above mean the erotic activity is not purely physical, but becomes mutually engaging mentally. In your situation, it may be your Dom is to narrow focussed, and not keeping up with your pace of understanding.
  • Like 1

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