Everyone has to start somewhere with flagellation - or flogging as it's more commonly known. If you're into impact play, you're bound to give or receive your first flogging at some point. It's normal to be nervous but to have a more pleasurable experience, check out these flogging tips from Kayla Lords.
Don't be a robospanker! There are 'spanked' bottoms, and then there are 'flogged' bottoms! Flagellation should be enjoyable for everyone. Tops don't have to be a robospanker and give the bottom the flogging of their life. Similarly, a bottom doesn't have to want the most brutal flogging.
First floggings aren't perfect, but they can be fun! Take it slow and never forget safety. Communicate, practice, and check in - you'll find something that works for you both. Here are my tips for giving your first flogging.
1. Find the right flogger
You might get your first flogger at a store. If you buy online, check the return policy. If you want to be spanked hard, you want a flogger that is comfortable to hold, has a balanced weight and is made from good material. Suede or soft leather with long strands are classic. Plastic, paracord, or strands with monkey knots are fun, but not for beginners.
2. Practice flogging first
The first time you swing a flogger, it should NOT be against your partner's body. Flagellation takes lots of practice. Start flogging a pillow to get a feel for it. You need to know how it feels in your hand and when it lands on something.
3. Spanking hard - try it on yourself first
Try the flogger against your arm or leg. You don't have to get into self-flagellation, but never hit your partner with something until you know what it feels like yourself.
4. Start slow & check in
Position your partner so they are comfortable and that you can reach them. Start slow. Begin with lighter strokes. Work up to a faster, stingier impact. You will have to practice a while before this becomes easy. Check in with your partner. They may want more or less.
Public floggings are more fun when you're tied to your partner!
5. Watch where you strike
Beginners should stick to spanked bottoms and backs. As you become more skilled, you can flog their chest or legs or even groin. Avoid soft tissue areas when spanking hard - the stomach and sides, especially. You could injure an internal organ.
6. Stop & start your flogging
To keep your partner in suspense and give your arm a rest, stop and start. Mix in different sensations into your scene. Spank them with your hand. Maybe use a Wartenberg wheel. Dirty talk. You both get a break, and it makes the next round much more intense.
7. Don’t be afraid to stop flogging early
You might've planned to flog your partner for 30 minutes. Now your arm aches, and they don't seem to enjoy it. Stop. Do something different. The times you have to stop is when your partner gives the safeword or isn't coherent enough to respond when you check in.
8. Receiving your first flogging
As a bottom, you may or may not have an experienced partner for your first flogging. First things first: set up a safeword, check in, and start slow - this doesn't always happen, but it should. Know what to expect for your first flogging, so you have a better experience and stay safe no matter who your partner is, and know your limits when spanking hard or in areas you are unfamiliar with.
9. Try to relax
It's exciting and a little scary when you try something new. Your muscles may tense as a result, especially if you're anticipating the impact. Do your best to relax. When you're tight, it usually hurts worse. Breathe deep and remember your safeword.
10. Tell your partner when it’s too much
Even the best partner can get overexcited. I need a slow and steady beginning. When my dominant gets excited, he sometimes begins too hard and too fast. We use the color system: Green means keep going. Yellow means slow down. Red is stop.
11. When something is wrong
Usually a weird, out of place yelp is enough to let my partner know something isn't right. There's a difference between good pain and bad pain. When it's not right, say something. You must be just as aware of where the flogger lands as your partner. Avoid the front and sides of the torso.
12. Focus on what feels good
I focus on the rhythm, and I can float away into a happy place. It's not always subspace, but it does help me last longer. If your mind can't stop thinking, it could keep you from enjoying it. Of course, everyone is different so if frantic worry or making mental to do lists during a scene is a kink of yours, go for it.
13. Know the flogger could land between your legs!
Let your partner know if it's a hard limit, but if not, don't be surprised if you feel the stinging kiss of the flogger between your legs. An experienced partner should do this. No matter who does it, you won't be prepared for it. A light but stinging strike to your genitals will keep you alert and ready for whatever happens next.
Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life.
Got your own flogging stories or tips? Sharing is caring kinksters! Get talking about it in the forum and chatrooms! Into giving or receiving pain? Try our free BDSM test to find out more about your full kink role and archetype.
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Article image: Joped via Flickr.com under (CC BY 2.0) licence. Cover Image: model released from Shutterstock.com
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