Molly's BDSM tips | Why You Shouldn't Be Drunk During A BDSM Play Session

A glass of wine never hurts... or does it? This time our BDSM advice guru Molly explains why it is particularly important to remain sober and fully conscious during BDSM play sessions.

Dear Molly, 
I am fairly new to kink and BDSM and especially play events. I read the rules of a Christmas kinky party I might attend and it says that they discourage drinking and being intoxicated can get you removed from the event. To be honest I was thinking that I might need a couple of glasses of wine to help me get up the courage to go but now I am thinking that is a bad idea. What do you think?

Bit Nervous

Dear Bit Nervous, 

So can you have a few drinks and still engage in kink play? 

For many folks in the BDSM community the answer to this would be a straight-up no and as you have found, many kinky events even have rules about consuming alcohol. Even though lots of events often have a bar they still often have rules about consuming too much alcohol and if people appear visibly intoxicated they may ask them to leave.

I have also been to plenty of play events where there is no bar at all. So let’s talk about alcohol and kinky playtimes.

BDSM safety

There are a few acronyms when it comes to BDSM safety such as SSC (Safe sane and Consensual), RACK (Risk Aware consensual Kink and PRICK (Personal Responsibility, Informed, Consensual Kink) but basically the philosophy of all of them comes from the understanding that whilst BDSM can be lots of fun it is also inherently risky both mentally and physically. So being properly informed and in control of yourself is a key part of keeping you and your partners safe. Consuming any substance that impairs your judgment in any way definitely makes everything even more risky. 

“For many folks in the BDSM community the answer to this would be a straight-up no and as you have found, many kinky events even have rules about consuming alcohol.”

Communication

Being able to communicate effectively is the key to happy and safe BDSM play. That is both during the play but also before and afterwards. None of those conversations, particularly when they are about boundaries and what people like and don’t like, should take place when anyone is impaired by alcohol. You need to be able to think clearly to articulate yourself well and drinking can have a huge impact on that. 

Know your limit when enjoying a drink or two

Consent 

The corner stone of safe kink play is informed, enthusiastic consent. People need to understand what they are agreeing to, the risk involved, and be able to express their desires and boundaries. Clearly being intoxicated would mean that your ability to give consent would be impacted. There is indeed a risk that you might agree to something you wouldn't when sober. Additionally, if you are drunk to the point of being unable to consent, it becomes even more critical, especially when considering situations where you have withdrawn consent.

Pain tolerance

Alcohol impacts your pain tolerance levels by dulling them which means that you may not be fully aware of how much pain is being inflicted. There is a real risk that the person administering the pain play could do more hurt and damage than either party would be comfortable with if sober. This can not only cause physical harm but also psychological harm for both parties. I would say you should never indulge in any forms of pain play or bondage when either of you is under the influence of alcohol.

“Clearly being intoxicated would mean that your ability to give consent would be impacted. There is indeed a risk that you might agree to something you wouldn't when sober.rdquo;

Impaired judgement

This is connected to both consent and also pain tolerance but also applies to the Dom/me or top in the situation. We know that alcohol has an effect on your ability to react and make good decisions. It is why we don’t allow people to drive or operate machinery whilst under the influence of drinks or drugs and really the same applies to wielding BDSM equipment. The chances of you

• hitting someone in the wrong place 
• too hard 
• tying them too tightly or
• missing a signal that something is not right

are hugely increased when you have been drinking or taking drugs. 

Alcohol and drugs can make you delirious; something we absolutely want to avoid during play sessions

Bruising and bleeding

Alcohol has an impact on both these things because it can thin your blood. It impacts the production of platelets and makes the ones you do have less sticky which mean you are more likely to bruise. If you were indulging in some play such as needle play or any form of cutting, then you have a much higher risk of more bleeding than you usually would. Any type of play that involves either of these things should definitely be avoided if you have been drinking. 

Drinking for courage

I can totally understand wanting to have a couple of drinks to help you relax and feel braver when it comes to attending your first BDSM play event. If you are intending to get involved with BDSM play at this event then I would suggest that you don’t consume alcohol. But if you are going along to just see what it is like and get your bearings for future play then I think a couple of drinks wouldn’t be out of the question. Clearly, there is a big difference between a drink or two to relax yourself and being drunk. No matter what your intention is at this party, being super wasted is definitely a bad idea and may get you removed from the event. 

MORE LIKE THIS:

• Impact Play: How to Handle a Hard Spanking
• BDSM and Mental Health: Using Kink to Beat the Blues
• BDSM vs Abuse: Recognizing the Difference

Conclusion

Whilst drinking can totally help you to loosen up and make you feel a bit braver and more confident, there are clearly significant downsides when it comes to indulging in kinky play. Your ability to communicate and consent is likely impeded and your judgement, pain tolerance, and general awareness of your surrounding can all be severely impacted in a way that puts both you and anyone else you may be playing with at high risk of both physical and mental harm. For this reason the BDSM community, and certainly organised play events, tend to have fairly strict drink and drug policies which if you break will likely see you being asked to leave, which means that the best way  for a variety of reasons is to abstain. Safety is definitely the most important aspect when it comes to happy and healthy kink play. 

Good luck! 

Molly x 

For tips and advice, contact Molly via her Fetish.com profile or visit her thread in the BDSM Forum. 

Images: Shutterstock/Nomad_Soul ; shutterstock/ysuel