A glass of wine never hurts... or does it? This time our BDSM advice guru Molly explains why it is particularly important to remain sober and fully conscious during BDSM play sessions.


 

play_signup_320x50_EN.gif

 

Dear Molly, 
I am fairly new to kink and BDSM and especially play events. I read the rules of a Christmas kinky party I might attend and it says that they discourage drinking and being *** can get you removed from the event. To be honest I was thinking that I might need a couple of glasses of wine to help me get up the courage to go but now I am thinking that is a bad idea. What do you think?

Bit Nervous


 

A picture of Molly Moore. BDSM Tips

Dear Bit Nervous, 

So can you have a few drinks and still engage in kink play? 

For many folks in the BDSM community the answer to this would be a straight-up no and as you have found, many kinky events even have rules about consuming alcohol. Even though lots of events often have a bar they still often have rules about consuming too much alcohol and if people appear visibly *** they may ask them to leave.

I have also been to plenty of play events where there is no bar at all. So let’s talk about alcohol and kinky playtimes.

BDSM safety

There are a few acronyms when it comes to BDSM safety such as SSC (Safe sane and Consensual), RACK (Risk Aware consensual Kink and PRICK (Personal Responsibility, Informed, Consensual Kink) but basically the philosophy of all of them comes from the understanding that whilst BDSM can be lots of fun it is also inherently risky both mentally and physically. So being properly informed and in control of yourself is a key part of keeping you and your partners safe. Consuming any substance that impairs your judgment in any way definitely makes everything even more risky. 

 

“For many folks in the BDSM community the answer to this would be a straight-up no and as you have found, many kinky events even have rules about consuming alcohol.”

 

Communication

Being able to communicate effectively is the key to happy and safe BDSM play. That is both during the play but also before and afterwards. None of those conversations, particularly when they are about boundaries and what people like and don’t like, should take place when anyone is impaired by alcohol. You need to be able to think clearly to articulate yourself well and drinking can have a huge impact on that. 

 

drunk-at-bdsm-party

Know your limit when enjoying a drink or two

 

Consent 

The corner stone of safe kink play is informed, enthusiastic consent. People need to understand what they are agreeing to, the risk involved, and be able to express their desires and boundaries. Clearly being *** would mean that your ability to give consent would be impacted. There is indeed a risk that you might agree to something you wouldn't when sober. Additionally, if you are drunk to the point of being unable to consent, it becomes even more critical, especially when considering situations where you have withdrawn consent.

 

BEST_IN_CLASS_320X50_EN.gif

 

*** tolerance

Alcohol impacts your *** tolerance levels by dulling them which means that you may not be fully aware of how much *** is being inflicted. There is a real risk that the person administering the *** play could do more hurt and damage than either party would be comfortable with if sober. This can not only cause physical harm but also psychological harm for both parties. I would say you should never indulge in any forms of *** play or bondage when either of you is under the influence of alcohol.

 

“Clearly being *** would mean that your ability to give consent would be impacted. There is indeed a risk that you might agree to something you wouldn't when sober.rdquo;

 

Impaired judgement

This is connected to both consent and also *** tolerance but also applies to the Dom/me or top in the situation. We know that alcohol has an effect on your ability to react and make good decisions. It is why we don’t allow people to drive or operate machinery whilst under the influence of drinks or *** and really the same applies to wielding BDSM equipment. The chances of you

  • hitting someone in the wrong place 
  • too hard 
  • tying them too tightly or
  • missing a signal that something is not right

are hugely increased when you have been drinking or taking ***. 

 

Being *** makes you delirious

Alcohol and *** can make you delirious; something we absolutely want to avoid during play sessions

 

Bruising and bleeding

Alcohol has an impact on both these things because it can thin your ***. It impacts the production of platelets and makes the ones you do have less sticky which mean you are more likely to bruise. If you were indulging in some play such as needle play or any form of cutting, then you have a much higher risk of more bleeding than you usually would. Any type of play that involves either of these things should definitely be avoided if you have been drinking. 

 

300x250_Breathles_EN.png.7a55492d57feca31f1c80ffc2f1bc9d6.png

 

Drinking for courage

I can totally understand wanting to have a couple of drinks to help you relax and feel braver when it comes to attending your first BDSM play event. If you are intending to get involved with BDSM play at this event then I would suggest that you don’t consume alcohol. But if you are going along to just see what it is like and get your bearings for future play then I think a couple of drinks wouldn’t be out of the question. Clearly, there is a big difference between a drink or two to relax yourself and being drunk. No matter what your intention is at this party, being super wasted is definitely a bad idea and may get you removed from the event. 

 

MORE LIKE THIS:

 

Conclusion

Whilst drinking can totally help you to loosen up and make you feel a bit braver and more confident, there are clearly significant downsides when it comes to indulging in kinky play. Your ability to communicate and consent is likely impeded and your judgement, *** tolerance, and general awareness of your surrounding can all be severely impacted in a way that puts both you and anyone else you may be playing with at high risk of both physical and mental harm. For this reason the BDSM community, and certainly organised play events, tend to have fairly strict drink and drug policies which if you break will likely see you being asked to leave, which means that the best way  for a variety of reasons is to abstain. Safety is definitely the most important aspect when it comes to happy and healthy kink play. 

Good luck! 

Molly x 

 

play_signup_320x50_EN.gif

 

For tips and advice, contact Molly via her Fetish.com profile or visit her thread in the BDSM Forum

225626782_Mollysbeggingadvice.jpg.a8996592209ebef4257b9af2184ef683.jpg

Images: Shutterstock/Nomad_Soul ; shutterstock/ysuel

 

 

Molly's BDSM Tips  FET (1).png

  • Like 91

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE

14 comments

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

c3****
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



Sunsett

Posted

Honesty is key!

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sw****

Posted

So important and for me it is a very strong hell no(!!!)
As a Dom being in control is everything - nothing can cloud my judgement and risk my subs, not even a bit.
As a sub I can't risk not being clear with my Dom, or having a delay in response.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Li****

Posted

I am a medical plant medicine user. I've always been up front with my subs and my doms about how and why I use this substance. If they opt out of playing with me, that's fine! Most have been understanding, but it does limit my participation in most parties and scene events.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Si****

Posted

@Deadpool69 I have had the same experiences with some subs, preferring to be a little bit tipsy before anal play, for the exact same reason.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sa****

Posted

Thank for sharing, I agree with you Molly

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

De****

Posted

There is a line though. I have never received anal play without smoking some weed beforehand to relax me enough for it to be enjoyable. I also know when I'm too impaired to play, and will opt out of play when I'm too impaired.
  • Like 1

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

so****

Posted

This also applies to other substances. Personally, I've seen them used more than alcohol, one in particular which won't be named but we all know what it is. Being completely sober of EVERYTHING should be noted. Alcohol is probably the least used substance in bdsm/porn. It's unfortunate but it's reality. Better safe than really really sorry. I also agree with the other post that this is emphasized more for pickup play or fresh & new situations. A long-term well established dynamic with someone you know & trust is slightly different, but caution should obviously still be vigorously exercised.
  • Like 4

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted

Better safe than sorry. I say be sober.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

RandoriUK

Posted

@Bit Nervous

There is a world of difference between having a class of wine to help you relax and becoming so *** that you lose control.

A couple of glasses may leave you feeling tingly and a bit naughty, but anything more might put you in an uncomfortable and *** situation.

One or two glasses may be OK for you, but be careful not to allow others to buy you more and always keep your drink close to you.

  • Like 5

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bl****

Posted

This feels like it applies more to pick-up play and recently established partnerships given the lack of familiarity between the two participants. Partners in established dynamics aren’t necessarily exposed to the same risk profile.
  • Like 3

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lilone-6962

Posted

I was taught by first Dominant that absolutely NO alcohol or ***, before or during a play session. And I'll continue that for as long as I live.
  • Like 4

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

typhoon2

Posted

While the article properly emphasises the effects of alcohol in informed decision-making, it should never be thought that booze alone makes people make uninformed choices, *** - legal or otherwise, tiredness, over-enthusiasm ('Sub Frenzy') and subspace all can have a similar effect to excess alcohol. The advice offered should be applied to anything and everything that affects a person's ability to offer enthusiastic, on-going informed consent; alcohol is just the most visible.
  • Like 2

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ne****

Posted

Molly you’re a great writer🤓👍 Thanks for sharing this information, totally makes sense🙏

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ma****

Posted

For me a Strong No !!!!. No alcohol, no ***. Never.
I don’t drink and i don’t do ***.
As a Dom, I have to control myself and be super careful when I'm in scenes/play.
  • Like 1

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

BDSM Magazine

Similar discussions