Our Guide to Hair Play, Hair Pulling & Hair Bondage

From twirling hair around fingers as a means to flirt to having someone's fingers entwined in your locks when in a passionate embrace, hair has a significant place in sexual and kinky play. But how can you take an interest in hair and hair-pulling and incorporate it into your kink scenes? We asked Victoria Blisse to tie up all your hair bondage loose ends and answer those scalp-tugging questions.

 

First things first

Not everyone likes their hair played with - or perhaps they only like it touched in certain ways. So before you start playing, ensure you gain consent so you know what you're allowed to do, and remember to check in throughout play. 

 

Hair play

If you're a big fan of hair, the easiest way to incorporate your hair fetish is with some gentle hair play - this can be as simple as stroking your partner's hair, or it could be more of an act of service. Maybe you could brush your Dominant's hair and help them style it. It's a way for you to show your submission, but it's also a way to indulge your fetish.

Looking for like-minded kinksters who love hair play too? Download the Fetish.com app and join a community where consent and shared fantasies always come first.

 

 

Hair play isn't just for heads either! Gentle stroking of body hair can be included, as well as light combing and brushing if there's enough hair. It's a lovely sensation for the person receiving the attention, but remember to look for any knots or tangles and work them out slowly. Well, unless you're a sadist and have permission to hurt them.

Hair pulling tips

From those cartoon images of cave people being dragged around by their hair to modern-day sex, people mostly view hair pulling as a primal act. While it might seem quite simple, is it?

Do's

• Grab as much hair as possible
• Grip the hair at the nape (back of the neck) and crown (top) of the head
• Pull evenly to avoid injury

Don'ts 

• Pull hair at the front and sides of the head
• Exert much force on a small bunch of hair – it will break
• Jolt and jerk the person's head around it could cause injury

Always ask the person you're playing with how they want you to handle them. Check if they have any existing injuries or weak spots that you should avoid. Pulling hair can be used in primal play, mixed wrestling, and all kinds of Domination play.

Check out our free online course, A Quick Guide to Hair Pulling, hosted by The BDSM Training School, for more on how to pull hair effectively.

 

 

Hair bondage tips

An excellent way to add extra predicament into rope play is with hair bondage. Attaching hair to ropes in a tie means the head has to be kept in a particular position or will cause the rope bunny (the person tied) pain to move. While a risky activity, always ensure to practise Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK).
 

• Use plenty of hair in the tie 
• Take the hair from the nape and the crown to centre the force 
• Do not hang someone from their hair (they may scalp themselves!)
• Always have a pair of shears nearby to cut through rope in an emergency 
   

Jere Keys from San Francisco, USA, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons.  

 

Many rope ties incorporate hair, but these are often for long hair - though some can be used on shorter hair. To learn these ties, ask an experienced rigger about them. You may be able to find workshops in your area or attend a peer rope event and ask others for guidance. 
 

You can use hair bondage to tie a sub in a position, such as a ring or a bedpost. Hair bondage can also be added into a hogtie or used to pull back an anal hook. Make sure you're confident in what you're doing before you get started!

If you have problems keeping the rope in a person's hair, try some hairspray as this can help the rope 'stick' to hair. 
 

 

Hair today, hair tomorrow - you can use hair in your kink and BDSM play in so many ways. You can pull hair every day of the week but remember consent and safety, so your play is only the pleasantly hair raising kind! 

Victoria Blisse was an erotic author and sex-positive Reverend. She helped shape fetish.com and FET from the very beginning and we're eternally grateful for her passion and creativity. Sadly, she passed away in January 2024. We hope that whenever her articles are read, she'll be honored.
 

Want more inspiration and real-life tips from kinky players? Explore thousands of fetish forums and profiles on Fetish.com – your home for every kink connection.

 

 

Already a member? Get helpful tips for hair fetish play from other kinksters in the forums. Not a member? Join our kinky family!  

 

 

Extra Hair Play Inspiration

We couldn’t resist adding a few more tips and ideas to make your hair play sessions even hotter, safer, and more creative. Think of this as a little bonus for all you hair fetish enthusiasts out there.

Safety first – keep the pleasure, lose the risks

Hair pulling can be primal and deliciously intense, but it should never cause real harm.

• Grip at the roots: Fingers close to the scalp give that deep, erotic pull everyone craves. Tugging the ends? That’s just split ends and ouch.
   
• Go big, not small: Large sections spread the tension evenly, avoiding sharp pain or breakage.
   
• Controlled force: Slow, steady pulls are powerful – sudden jerks risk neck strain or worse.
   

Techniques for every kind of hair

Short, long, fine, or thick – there’s always a way to make it sexy.

• Press fingers to the roots of short hair, squeeze, then pull for that scalp-tingling effect.
   
• Wrap braids or ponytails around your hand for more control – just remember to keep it smooth and consensual.

 

More ways to play with hair

Hair play isn’t just a background act. It can lead the scene all on its own.

• Combine it with oral for an instant power shift and a shiver of excitement.
   
• Use a firm, guiding pull to change positions or wordlessly direct your partner.
   
• Build a whole scene around hair pulling and scalp teasing – it can take you both deep into that intoxicating headspace.

 

Bondage meets hair play

A little rope and a handful of hair can turn up the intensity.

• Tie hair to a headboard or braid it into a makeshift leash for controlled, sensual restraint.
   
• Avoid suspending anyone by their hair – it’s dangerous. Keep safety scissors close for a quick release if needed.
   

End on a soft note

After a hair play scene full of tension and primal energy, a gentle scalp massage or slow brushing brings you both back down, easing any strain and leaving a warm, connected afterglow.

 

Hair Play FAQ – Fetish Team Answers Your Burning Questions

Is hair pulling always safe?

Not automatically – it depends on technique and communication. A sudden yank can cause headaches, neck strain, or even whiplash. The safest way? Grip close to the scalp, pull steadily, and avoid jerking movements. And of course, always get clear consent first.

Can hair play work with short hair?

Absolutely. Even a buzzcut can be hot if you press fingers against the scalp, squeeze, and apply steady pressure. It’s about stimulating nerve endings, not just having something to grab.

Does hair pulling hurt?

It can, but it shouldn’t feel like an accident. The right technique feels intense, erotic, sometimes a little painful – but in a negotiated, controlled way that enhances the scene. If it’s sharp, unpleasant pain, stop and adjust your grip.

Is hair play only part of rough sex?

Nope. Hair play can spice up oral sex, primal play, bondage, or be the star of its own scene. It’s a versatile tool for power exchange, teasing, and building erotic tension.

How do I mix bondage with hair play safely?

Braids, ponytails, and buns can be tied into rope for restraint or used as a makeshift leash. Never suspend by hair alone and always keep safety shears handy. If you’re new to hair bondage, learn basic rope techniques first or ask an experienced rigger.

What’s the best way to finish a hair play session?

Aftercare is everything. A slow scalp massage, brushing, or soft caresses soothe tension and turn intense play into a moment of connection – setting the mood perfectly for the next time.

 

🔥 Craving more kink inspo? Check these out:

• Trichophilia: Why body hair can be a total turn-on – Hair fetish goes way beyond the scalp…
   
• Kidnap role play – live the fantasy safely – For when you want your play a little wilder and darker.
   
• Pressure points in BDSM – master the art of control – Hands-on domination tips that hit just right.
   
• Femdom wrestling – where power meets play – Get physical, get primal, get turned on.
   
• Topspace & subspace explained – Dive into the heady, blissful highs of D/s play.