Social Media Censorship & the BDSM Morality Police

Stories of social media censorship when it comes to kink and BDSM are all too common. Writer Stella Harris looks at how it happens - and how we all lose out as a result.

Here at Fetish.com, someone had their kink content pulled from Pinterest. So did many of the people following their Pinterest boards. The Fetish.com folks got in touch with me — knowing I’m an avid social media user — and asked if I’d had similar experiences, and had ever experienced similar social media censorship?

I certainly know all about social media censorship. I’ve had nudity and kink pulled from Pinterest. I’ve had paid advertisements declined on Facebook. And I’ve watched myself pretty carefully on Instagram. I've seen plenty of my friends deal with removed pictures and blocked accounts, especially during IG’s battles with the body positive movement.

What prompts social media censorship?

On the surface, you could say that if nudity is against the terms of service, then you should expect it to be pulled and not complain. After all, we’ve all ticked the checkbox agreeing to this and more — and who reads the fine print anyway? But I think there’s more to it than just BDSM censorship. Social media networks are basing their rules on what they believe the community standards should be. However, the question is who makes up that community?

Double standards

Apparently, it’s full of people who have no problem with men’s nipples, but who are appalled by women breastfeeding. People who are okay with threats and ***, but who shudder at the suggestion that sex can and should be pleasurable.

Our cultural shame and *** around sex permeate these community standards, and it shows. When a Facebook ad is denied for cleavage, which I’m told isn’t allowed even in an educational context - but bathing suit models are everywhere the eye can see. What kind of user experience is being cultivated?

On top of that, you’ve got social networks baulking at the idea of being known for porn. *** famously removed the ability to search for content related to sex. Heck, even some sex toy manufacturers don’t want to be associated with sex. For example, look at the rebranding of the Hitachi Magic Wand to simply the Magic Wand.

Why all the panic about sex?

I reached out to my own social media to ask people about their experiences with BDSM censorship and social media morality policing. I got a wide range of responses.

Ken Melvoin Berg, sex educator and consulting producer of Sex with Sunny Megatron has had multiple run-ins with the Facebook police. Most recently he was put on a seven-day time-out for reposting an article about “nutscaping”. Before that, he was banned for a picture of himself in a “Lord of the Cockrings” shirt.

Social media censorship: woman with taped breasts
The social media censorship of BDSM is keeping us ignorant.

The costs of social media censorship

As Ken notes, being banned from Facebook for a week actually impacts his ability to make a living. Meanwhile, he says that his reports of someone posting racist and Nazi propaganda on FB were ignored. Rachel Kramer Bussel, one of the most widely published and known erotica and sex writers, has also had her problems with Facebook and other social media when it comes to BDSM censorship. Lately, her attempts to pay for advertising for her erotica anthologies and her online writing classes through LitReactor have been blocked.

And still, other people spoke up in favour of the rules for BDSM censorship and others, saying there was some content they just don’t want to see. So how much is social media responsible for protecting people and to what extent do we need to take personal responsibility for curating our own online experience? In an age of trigger warnings and content warnings, where is the line between sensitivity and censorship?

BDSM censorship keeps us ignorant

People have bad information about sex, and these rules are blocking their ability to get good information. Sex education in schools is a travesty, and now we’re not even letting adults have access to information. We’re not just talking about porn or smut. Additionally, We’re talking about basic educational content and essential safer sex information.

A healthy and happy sex life is part of a healthy and happy life. When we separate sex into something dirty that can’t be talked about, that’s when secrets and lies fester. That’s when we have a culture where supposedly monogamous couples have as high a rate of STI’s as people who have multiple partners. Moreover, that’s when tens of thousands of people will be outed and shamed for seeking human connection on the down-low on sites like Ashley Madison.

So what do we do about social media censorship?

Well, if social media is taking its cues about what is acceptable from our culture, then that’s what we have to change. Bring sex-positivity into your own life and share it with others. Make sex something that can be talked about openly and proudly.

And meanwhile, support your local sex educator or sexuality professional by signal boosting their message or buying their books. Furthermore, share their social media posts and forward their newsletters. Tell your friends about the classes you’ve enjoyed and leave their business cards at the corner coffee shop.

Together we can build a world which challenges social media censorship. Crucially, this will be a world where everyone can explore their sexuality safely and free of shame.

Stella Harris is an author, educator, and coach who helps people build the skills, knowledge, and confidence they need to explore their sexuality safely and free of shame.