While discussions within the LGBTI+ community about the over-commercialization of Pride month have been simmering away for some time, one particular Tweet (since deleted) recently melted the Twittersphere. In it, the author stated some progressive points, that corporate sponsorship has become a way to raise funds as well as promoting representation, and that trans women of color (WOC) are at the forefront of fighting for queer rights. But, then comes the next part:
Quote"Please don't bring your k*nks/fet*shes to pride, there are minors @ pride and this can sexualize the event."
This person is, unfortunately, only one of many who have expressed the same opinion - as Pride celebrations have gotten more (and I hate to use the word) 'mainstream', public expressions of BDSM or even queer sexuality should be reconsidered. Given that corporate sponsors along with the social and financial power they wield have become such a big part of gay pride, do these people have a point?
While freely admitting that my position is a unique one, as I strongly emphasize with the LGBTI+ community despite not being particularly strong towards that side of the Kinsey scale, I've put some thought into these and other points and think these critics may have a point.
First things first, while it often feels like dancing with the devil, corporate sponsorship can be a powerful tool: financially, sure, but, as I said above, as a potentially powerful tool in the ongoing fight for cultural acceptance and therefore equality. Then there's the argument that while one of the principal precepts of BDSM has always been consent, kink or fetish play at LGBTI+ pride celebrations could 'possibly' be considered non-consensual as those viewing didn't agree to watch.
But, I'm not going to wind up here with statements like "gay Pride needs to change" or "This is the price the queer community needs to pay in the fight for equality". While I agree that it's important to discuss these and other points, I strongly disagree with them.
Not only does kink and BDSM have a right to be a part of gay Pride, at its core, it's what Pride is all about.
Image: Pride Parade 2015 by GoToVan via Flickr (CC BY 2.0) License
Let's start with corporate sponsorship. While it can have all kinds of uses, the moment the queer community begins to kowtow to corporate interests over that what it gay Pride is about, then it's time to kick these corporations to the curb. Putting it another way: because the queer community and its supporters have become a massive demographic for them, they need us. Because of that, we must never lose sight of the fact that we have the power in this relationship: so the LGBTI+ community should never become dependent on them and their sponsorship.
But "what about the children?" Well, this is what's called a logical fallacy: an appeal to emotion - which is often used as a tactic to shift a debate from facts and well-thought-out arguments to children possibly becoming innocent victims, and worst still, they (whoever might disagree with you) are to blame.
Let me repeat it for the folks in the cheap seats: LGBTI+ Pride is a celebration of the right for everyone to love and enjoy consensual sexual activities whoever and however they wish. More than that, it's about the freedom to be yourself, no matter what other people may think. If a parent who doesn't understand that, and isn't taking responsibility for discussing it with any child they might bring to Pride, then the onus is on that parent and not the thousands of people who are joyously celebrating being who they are.
Image: Gay Pride Seattle, WA by Andrew Hitchcock via Flickr (CC BY 2.0) License
Finally, we come to consent, and how it plays to being publicly kinky at Pride parades which, I have to say, is a sticky point with it touching on one of the three big BDSM tent poles and all. While BDSM should always be about asking for and receiving clear consent, by willingly attending Pride celebrations - and being aware of what they might experience - attendees are giving precisely that. It's like going to a comedy film and being shocked that someone threw a pie into someone's face.
Moreover, BDSM is - and has been for a long time and will likely remain - an integral part of the queer community. Like with all those beautiful letters in LGBTI+, kink is about the inalienable right to consensual sexual expression.
BDSM shouldn't just be visible at Pride celebrations; it has to be, those who identify with being such deserving of recognition, support, and acceptance as any other part of the umbrella that covers being queer.
If the idea of that makes people uncomfortable then perhaps they should put in the effort to stop fretting that kink might somehow make some big company not make money off the attendees. Or, that it might force people to actually talk to their kids about how consensual sexual expression is a right everyone must be able to enjoy. People who are trying to deny the BDSM community from Pride celebrations, should accept that they're actually against everything these special celebrations have always stood for.
June is Pride month: where for 30 days a year many people around the world will stand up tall and proud and proclaim to the world, and themselves that they are a member LGBTI+ community. And even though this year Pride celebrations will more than likely be virtual, let's fight for a Pride that will return with even more passion, joy, and love for everyone.
Image: 3W6A9591 by Véronique Mergaux via Flickr (CC BY 2.0) License
M. Christian is a respected author and BDSM educator, having taught classes on everything from polyamory to tit torture for venues such as the SF Citadel, Good Vibrations, Beat Me In St. Louis and many others.
Happy Pride month! How are you celebrating this year? Let us know in the comments below
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