If you’re a sapiophile (pronounced sap-ee-o-file), then the chances are you knew you were one already. Why? Because sapiosexuality is all about intelligence, so you were probably already familiar with the term (unlike the majority of the population).
Sapiosexuals are attracted by intelligence and stimulated – both emotionally and sexually – by intellectual conversation. Furthermore, most of the time, sapiosexuals are usually pretty smart themselves – after all, it takes one to know one.
But even if you’ve never heard of the terms sapiophile or sapiosexual – or don’t even consider yourself particularly brainy – there’s every possibility you could still be a sapiophile. And the type of intelligence you’re attracted to can, of course, vary.
Maybe you get turned on by people that possess an impressive general knowledge – the kind of person that knows the answer to everything. Or perhaps someone who’s always up to date with news and current affairs stirs your loins, as it shows they’re worldly-wise and care about being informed.
The origins of the phrase sapiosexual date back to the late 90s. According to The New York Times, a blogger and engineer called Darren Stalder came up with the expression in 1998. Stalder, who lived in Seattle, was searching for a term to describe his sexual attraction to intelligence and so coined the term sapiosexual (“sapio” means “to think” in Latin).
Bearded and book-loving? Basement flooded! shutterstock/Ivan Kruk
Later, in November 2014, OKCupid expanded their list of sexual orientations and genders, including sapiosexual on the list, helping to bring the term further into the mainstream. More recently, the meaning of sapiosexual has become more commonplace as use of the term has spread. Here on fetish.com, sapiosexuality is one of our most popular kinks within our list of unusual fetishes.
OK, so there is actually a slight difference between the terms sapiosexual and sapiophile. The meaning of sapiophile is that you’re attracted to intelligence or intelligent people. The attraction can be romantic or sexual, ie, smart people really do get you wet, not just mentally stimulated. However, the word sapiophile is used less frequently than sapiosexual. Furthermore, 'sapiosexuality' can be used as a type of sexual orientation.
What you need to know is that a sapiophile values someone’s intelligence, mind and thoughts over their physical appearance. I, for one, find intelligence a total turn-on. As someone that usually starts their day playing Wordle, geeky-looking guys with glasses send me ga-ga. Member of MENSA? I’m in; I wanna know more! If you can combine beauty and brains, even better.
“A sapiophile values someone's intelligence, mind and thoughts over their physical appearance. Sapiosexuals are attracted by intelligence and stimulated by intellectual conversation.”
And, although I do love a meaty member, the size of your brain rather than the size of your dick is more likely to be important to me – if I'm looking for a relationship. But, saying that, I'm even though I’m attracted to intelligence, I wouldn’t say no to anonymous sex or reject some facesitting with a meathead – they just probably wouldn’t stimulate me enough to want to develop a relationship with them.
To date, there’s not a great deal of scientific research around sapiosexuality. But a 2018 study published in the Intelligence journal found that between 1 to 8% of people identified as sapiosexual. However, the only criteria for study participants to claim they were sapiosexual was self-identifying as sapiosexual, ie, there were no independent study threshold criteria to adhere to.
Furthermore, the same study found that around 90% of people want their partner to be smart, which suggests that the real percentage of people attracted to intelligence could be even higher than between 1 and 8%. But let’s be clear: as these slightly conflicting study results show, caring if a partner is smart is not the same as being explicitly aroused by intelligence.
So, how do you know if you're really a sapiosexual or just somewhat attracted to intelligence?
Here are five personality traits which may suggest you can be on the sapiosexual scale. Do you possess any of them?
Well, you don’t need to be Einstein to realize this! Sapiosexuals find intelligence attractive because they understand what it means to have it. If you’re attracted to someone for their witty conversation and intelligence, chances are you’re going to be on par with that person.
Sapiophiles tend to attract other sapiophiles. People who prefer less complex or intelligent discussion will probably not be able to stimulate a sapiosexual or keep them on their toes - which is what a sapiophile needs.
Sapiophiles are attracted to intelligence
If small talk and gossiping about others is a turn-off for you, it could also be a sign you are a sapiosexual. As lovers of intellectual conversation, sapiophiles love exploring deep, thought-provoking conversations about art, politics, humanity, etc, rather than what Kevin from Accounts got up to at the weekend.
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For example, chatting about the terrible weather isn’t likely to garner you favor with a sapiophile, but if you use it as a starting point to launch into a discussion on climate change, then you’re much more likely to get their interest.
Are you always curious to learn more about life, new cultures and travel? Do you love trying new things, or hypothesizing on life’s big questions and mysteries? Sapiophiles are naturally curious people. Your pull towards knowledge comes with a desire to always want to learn more, figure stuff out, and contemplate logic. You love exploring your curiosity.
Sapiophiles are often open-minded – they try to remain objective. As they are naturally intelligent, they’re aware that every story or opinion has multiple sides. Because of that, sapiosexuals tend not to try and force their beliefs and opinions on others, as they understand that we all have our own thoughts and opinions and there is never one ‘right’ answer.
“Sapiophiles tend to attract other sapiophiles. People who prefer less complex or intelligent discussion will probably not be able to stimulate a sapiosexual or keep them on their toes.”
This, in fact, works in favor of sapiophiles. Why? Because multiple differing opinions means space for debate and discussion – even more mental (and physical!) stimulation.
Turned on by brain-power? You could be a sapiophile
Contrary to what you may think, while sapiophiles are naturally gifted with intelligence, they are not total know-it-alls. Furthermore, they are open to constructive criticism and actually appreciate being corrected or being presented with new facts/opinions which can help inform them further.
Sapiophiles are keen on good education and learning. When a sapiophile is challenged by someone, that person often gains the sapiophile’s respect, as they are giving them an opportunity to learn.
If you believe yourself to be higher on the scale of intelligence, please don’t make the mistake that many have done in the past. Never dumb yourself down for anyone. Being astute, clever and having wisdom are traits that many of us crave and find so damn sexy. You should never hide your intelligence for fear of coming across like a smart-ass. You don’t need to be big-headed about it, but don’t hide it either: wave your sapiosexual flag but just don’t shove it down people's throats.
Talking of flags, just like gay and queer peeps have the rainbow flag, trans people have a flag, sapiophiles can show their love of intellectual conversation and all-round smart folk with the sapiosexual flag. In fact, for some reason they have three flags.
One of the three flags for sapiosexuality
The original sapiosexuality flag features three horizontal bars from top to bottom: its colors are dark green, brown, and blue. The second alternate sapiosexuality flag also has three bars, but with the colors grey, pink and sky blue. The final alternate flag to show you’re a sapiophile has two horizontal bars (blue and green) plus an image of the human brain. The origins of the flags and the significance of the colors is not known.
The fact is that there are a lot of people in this world that find intelligent conversation sexy and a total turn on. Not everything in the dating and BDSM world has to be about body parts and sex. So use your skills and break lesser brains if you must. Because where one dull conversation ends, there are masses of wonderful, powerful, and hot conversations waiting to happen.
Remember, intelligence is the ability to acquire, understand, and use knowledge. Knowing that there are vast amounts of people turned on by this ability means we should use it. So, wave your sapiosexual flag high, add it to your Fetish.com profile, so that other sapiosexuals may find you! •
dirtybird is a queer Fetish.com content king. He loves making art and making out. Oh, and Wordle.
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