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Being an effective Dom/sub

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I would love to hear people’s positive statements about their D/s roles. We always hear about fakes and what it isn’t but what makes it? So, please finish this sentence: being a good Dom/ sub is.......

Posted (edited)

The main ways I look at it is getting to really know each other what flicks your switch but All so what makes you both tick .. communicate without limits no taboo subjects .but this is easy to say but really had to do ..My aim is to make each other the best versions of our selves so then we can give each other exactly what we need . C


My tattoo says .

In submission there is freedom.

I'm Domination there is responsibility .

And in both there is love .

Edited by Deleted Member
sub to me is to listen do not question and do as I am told it is such a turn on for me to give you total control of me, trust is important and being honest.

Being a good Dominant Master for me is about working towards and fulfilling every desire that both I and my submissive have. For me it's about my desire to control, direct actions, activities and also to take away the responsibility and confusion of choice and free will from my submissive when consent is given to do this. It's about forming a relationship that is so open, honest, understanding, caring and non-judgemental but above all nurturing and beneficial to help us both grow together as people (both inner spiritual development as well as more vanilla life development) and become the very best we can be with each other and apart. It is my responsibility to not only fulfill my submissive, but to care for her, protect her from harm, to watch over and direct her growth and support her in every aspect of her life. 


They say that to encourage growth on the plains and in jungles that fire is needed to destroy the old to make way for the new growth and this is how I view my role as a Dominant Master. I am the arsonist who sets fire to and destroys all that has come before, only to allow new growth which I cultivate, shape and bend to my will. Setting fire to or crushing the free will of a submissive and replacing it with only my will and a desire to serve and please me is one of the most erotic, satisfying and fulfilling journey's; it is this journey and it's end result that I believe many of us Dominants and Masters cherish, crave or strive for and enjoy in our D/s relationships.    

8 hours ago, Mrchristopher70 said:

My tattoo says .In submission there is freedom.I'm Domination there is responsibility .And in both there is love .

Love this Mrchristopher70! Did you copyright it ?😉

im not new to kink but taking our kink to the real level my wife and I are fully fledged d/s but only sexually . What has blown my mind ( thinking deeper than all the amazing physical stuff) is that  before when reading all the “BDSM cheese/ rhetoric “ about how it builds openness, trust, closeness, honesty and helps you really discover parts of your nature that have been buried deep below societies taboos and moral shackles - well it all sounded a bit like bullshit. A lovely way of dressing up the tendency to be kink in a primal primitive even ***istic way . Making it seem more acceptable ?

And now that we have emerged from our “consideration” have a contract and my wife is completely submissive to me- I can’t help but realise it’s all so ***y true- who knew kink had such depth and sentiment to it ?

Being  a good Dom to me ( at this stage ) is living out my fantasies while pushing my subs limits . Treading carefully the line between this and her own enjoyment. Even when punishing her and hearing her moan her way through orgasm after orgasm I’m watching and listening- is it too much ? How near her limit are we ? Are the endorphins winning or is the *** ? Are the shakes after, her come down from the adrenaline or am I upsetting her ?

On the surface I am getting exactly what I want - and I am- but a good Dom is still considerate and is looking after his sub. If I burn her out or switch her off the kink by pushing to far too soon then I have missed the point of my responsibility in training her ?

Your comment Mrchristoper70 about there being love in both domination and submission is the root of my dominance- I am still respecting my sub even as I *** her

anyones thoughts on my thoughts ?



8 hours ago, Mrchristopher70 said:




Thanks for the compliment MrChristopher. I’m Glad to hear your shared thoughts Goosebumpgiver and they are very relevant and close to my own thinking and Domming style. Many people like yourself who are new to the D/s relationship dynamics and the openness and honesty involved find exploring the BDSM and D/s world a real revelation and I am glad to hear that doing so has brought you and your partner not only much pleasure, but brought you both closer together.

It’s the love that MrChristopher talks about in his fabulous tattoo that allows for this to happen and no truer statement has been said than this, “I don’t punish, degrade, use or *** my submissive because I dislike her, disrespect her or seek to take advantage of her; I do this because I love, cherish, respect and worship her and she has entrusted me with the responsibility of her submission, care, safety and protection, even from myself”. I think so long as you continue with the way you currently perceive your new D/s relationship dynamic Goosebumpgiver, your relationship will go from strength to strength and both you and your submissive will be better people for it.       

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