The sub has the power

[La****]

The submissive has the power. I hear that
repeated over and over in conversation.
Everything only happens because the sub
says so. If they say stop… everything stops.
I don't disagree. This is all true. However
if the Dom says stop, everything stops.
If the Dom says it isn't happening, it isn't.
Both are there out of mutual need. One cannot
exist without the other. There is no Dominance
with out a sub to Dominate; no submission
without a Dom to submit to. We come together
in mutual need. You have a sadistic streak
that demands to be heard; I crave the wash
of ***. I want to serve, to know that I am
useful. Desired. Needed. You want to be served,
to have someone make attending to you
their whole world. I want to obey, to have rules
that make a chae I can safely exist within; you
want to be obeyed. Give and take, yin and yang.
It's symbiotic. The power exists between us.
The sub has a kill switch. Nothing more.

[Ni****]

100% correct

[No****]

A submissive person can be submissive on their own while a dominant person can’t dominate with someone else

[MauroDraco]

Well and beautifully said!

[La****]

16 minutes ago, Notti_my_Fault said:

A submissive person can be submissive on their own while a dominant person can’t dominate with someone else

How would one be submissive without someone to submit to? It's in the very definition of the word.

[No****]

Like how you carry yourself and how you live your life.

[La****]

5 minutes ago, Notti_my_Fault said:

Like how you carry yourself and how you live your life.

How is that different on the other side? Someone with a dominant personality (me, although I am a sub in BDSM) naturally takes a leading role in meetings, at the scene of an accident etc. Their dominance is in how they think, act, carry themselves. It's no different.

[De****]

One cannot exist without the other. Yet they can exist by themselves without the need for one another.

[sa****]

I agree
When I’m asked this question. Who holds the power I always say the same thing.
Both. Because without one you don’t have the other.
And there are times both will say no
It’s a mutual understanding between both parties that things may or may not change at anytime and enough respect and trust to know that it will actually stop on both sides

[La****]

22 minutes ago, DegenerateTrap said:

One cannot exist without the other. Yet they can exist by themselves without the need for one another.

They can exist... But I would argue that they do feel the need. That's why we're drawn together.

[Ri****]

I think that was really well said. While the sub has to have the power to say no, it should only be for safety or uncomfortability reasons. A Dom gets to say no because they choose to and for any reason they want, that's what gives them the power

[De****]

25 minutes ago, Lady_Char said:

They can exist... But I would argue that they do feel the need. That's why we're drawn together.

Of course they do, but most left after the need is satisfied and only come back when they have…the needs. There are also those who fought back the needs and behave themselves dominantly and submissively as they fare through life.

[az****]

I’ll qualify that slightly. The sub has the kill switch, but also defines the boundaries.

I think of it like a coloring book where you draw the black and white outline. Inside those lines, I can do whatever I please. I can color it pink, or with polka dots, or even go plaid …but I have to color inside those lines.

It’s very collaborative, and the experience is always richer (or at least more colorful) when we work together. :)

[Ki****]

I agree with almost everything you say.
One more point is that the Dom helps the sub to reach (or pass) the limits the sub wants (from my point of view).
And the sub tries to reach the limits the Dom wants...
Amazing and awesome symbiosis.

[Cu****]

As a Master, I've always felt I was of service. Teacher, mentor, trainer, etc. ...and also mastering oneself to respect the boundaries previously established with my sub, you bet it's a status quo!

[x-****]

Well said, Char 💙

[Bl****]

Two sides of the same coin. Both sides need each other to have a role thus the comment of “subs have power” is true.
I’ve seen two subs or two Doms play and it’s a mess.

[Di****]

Yes you are right, it needs two .. like for everythink that makes things happen. And both have theyre rights and points and weight. Like in every time of a relation/situationship. But i think the reason why its so often subscrided
(dont know if its the right word)
Is because from an outside view its important to show that there is right and Equality. Because much people will not understand our perspectives about consense and respect. So its an easy way to disrcibe that the most all happen point is standing and Falling with the wish of the sub... because the respect is special weightet... and Protectet.

I think its one of the eaasiest way to discribe this Philosophy. The rest is clear working like you said it.

[Fire4petrol]

Love this

[Charms]

I totally agree with you. Subs have the power to a point . We only allow the domminant to do what we're willing to do.

 

But we also know just because we as a sub want things doesn't mean our domminant will do them.

 

For all the switches out there could you ever play with a person like your opposite.

For example ìv been told by a few freinds as domminant I'm sadistic and I demanding things to be done as I say straight away. I hate to be pushed.  I demand perfection straight away. ( maybe it's the chef training.  Chefs are perfectionist)

I could never play with my sub side I can be bratty and I will say no.

Although I do know when to behave

 

 

 

 

 

 

[OB****]

Well I think both a sub and a Dom both view the power exchange from the point of view of knowing what they do not have. They also value the other person greatly. Both of these situations have bias. Maybe a switch could explain it better, but it really is like viewing a color movie on a black and white TV. The people only focus on power as if one power is more important or greater. I am a Dominant Dragon Tamer, everything we value or do is about power. I only build up my subs to be powerful. Let me explain how I see the power exchange. The only way to fairly explain the power both a sub has and a Dom has is to compare it to something else. I will make an analogy to making a movie, because the nuances of the roles are understood universally. I will start with the Dominant, this power is like a director in a movie. The Dom can control the actions, and make the scene as to the artistic nature of the movie. He may move people, change the lines, he may give you shit or praise you. The artistic direction of everything comes from the mind of the Dominant/director. The actors see this every day, so they assume the director or Dom has all the power, but he has people to answer to. The submissive has the power of producer and star actor. The sub is the whole reason the *** is being spent and the resin the Dom/director wants to direct. The sub as the star actor can pass notes to the director after the scene to make it better. This power in BDSM is called journalling. The sub chronicles what went well and how to improve it. This is the feedback Doms use to hone their craft. They make the scene better and better based on the journal writings of the sub. The submissive also has the power of producer. This power is expressed at its best through 'knowing your own house" in the process. The Dom knows what he wants. The sub uses this kink list as a currency to negotiate the scene/movie. The sub says you want kinky X, I can do that , but I don't want Y, and I must have "Z". People think negotiation is two equals deciding. It isn't. The Dom has wants. These wants are negotiated and the sub gets what she wants. Many Dom's love having a new sub, they say having a blank canvas to sculpt into your desires. What this means is that the power exchange in negotiation is much stronger with an experienced sub. In negotiation the power exchange is tipped in a way for the sub. The producer is the same way, except the currency is not kinks it is actual ***. The producer can lay out terms of things they want in the movie, like the stereotypical" lesbian scene" we see in Hollywood. Next superpower is the star can refuse to act unless something is changed. This power is reflected is safe words. The sub can stop the show. This is all from the perspective of a Dominant Dragon Tamer. Others can view the power exchange differently. Not every dynamic is the same.

[OB****]

The sub has power where the Dominant doesn't. The Dominant has power where the sub doesn't. Comparing the power is like comparing apples and oranges. Both are essential and needed.