just BDSM or MASOCHIST?

[Deleted Member]

Now a quick Google search defines a masochist as "a person who derives sexual gratification from their own *** or ***" so my question when does one stop been "just into bdsm" and step over that invisible line that makes a person a masochist? everyone has different tolerance levels and even a masochist is no exception.. is there some unspoken rule your not a masochist until you like flesh to be taken from the skin 🤔 I highly doubt it.. So I turn to a place that has peoples points of view in abundance to see where others stand on the subject as I'm interested to see where others place this invisible line 

[Ky****]

by that defn. they do seem to be the same, although one could argue that bdsm includes a whole range and of course being a masochist is only one branch, there's also the sadist who's enjoying my ***/***

[ey****]

I don't like the word "just" as it sounds incomplete.   But then, also.... as much as "they're just into BDSM" you could turn round to say someone is "just a masochist" 

So, simple enough.

People do different things for different reasons.  If we look at something like impact play, some people do it because they like subspace. Some people do it "for their Dominant". Some people do it because they get sexually aroused either at the time or thinking about it afterwards.

Only the last case are technically masochists - but every other type is also valid.  I'm between first and second category.  

For some masochists, the harder the better - and this is something which is why it's important in labels and communication - so someone doesn't half kill someone who really doesn't enjoy it. 

[Deleted Member]

12 minutes ago, Kymi said:

by that defn. they do seem to be the same, although one could argue that bdsm includes a whole range and of course being a masochist is only one branch, there's also the sadist who's enjoying my ***/***

Yes I know all about a sadist but again you could apply this to a sadist, when does one stop been just into bdsm and actually become a sadist another quick goodle search definds a sadist as "A sadist is someone who enjoys inflicting *** on others, sometimes in a sexual sense. Sadists like seeing other people hurt".. So again if someone is hurt by a spanking does that make the one giving a spank a sadist as he's getting off on giving some ***.. That would make 90% on here sadist as I'm sure most love to spank a woman red or until she says owch 🤷🏻‍♀️ I'm lost to where the invisible lines are 

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I don't like the word "just" as it sounds incomplete.   But then, also.... as much as "they're just into BDSM" you could turn round to say someone is "just a masochist" 

So, simple enough.

People do different things for different reasons.  If we look at something like impact play, some people do it because they like subspace. Some people do it "for their Dominant". Some people do it because they get sexually aroused either at the time or thinking about it afterwards.

Only the last case are technically masochists - but every other type is also valid.  I'm between first and second category.  

For some masochists, the harder the better - and this is something which is why it's important in labels and communication - so someone doesn't half kill someone who really doesn't enjoy it. 

I use "just" lightly as we all know bdsm is so dam complicated it's unreal.. 

You say for some masochist the harder the better and yes I get this.. But even a masochist will have limits. I guess I'm so confused as the definition of a masochist is someone who gets off on receiving *** but what if a person's *** limit is spanking but they get off on it.. Does this not make them a masochist as they are still getting off in receiving *** there *** threshold just isn't very high.... Does anyone get me here or am I barking up a empty tree 🤣🤣 

[Wo****]

I have a stupidly high tolerance for physical ***. It's something I control, how I manage it I guess. It can be sexual or not. I've realised *** pretty much induces sub space for me but sub space isn't always sexual.

When Pirate and I do impact play, he gets this "look" and I just melt. The anticipation, the "***"....

Within bdsm... my understanding of sadism is that it's getting pleasure by inflicting ***. It's done consensually. I like the term "caring sadist" 

 

Stray thought... my level of masochism matches Pirates sadism really neatly. This is why it's so important to have a solid relationship because we trust each other to explore our limits without being stupid.

[Wo****]

11 minutes ago, Forbiddenfruits said:

I use "just" lightly as we all know bdsm is so dam complicated it's unreal.. 

You say for some masochist the harder the better and yes I get this.. But even a masochist will have limits. I guess I'm so confused as the definition of a masochist is someone who gets off on receiving *** but what if a person's *** limit is spanking but they get off on it.. Does this not make them a masochist as they are still getting off in receiving *** there *** threshold just isn't very high.... Does anyone get me here or am I barking up a empty tree 🤣🤣 

I get ya!!!!!!!

 

Not sure spanking would fall under masochism really, it's not really ***, well it is but you know what I mean....

Interesting thought though... where does "***" start?

 

 

[Deleted Member]

14 minutes ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

I get ya!!!!!!!

 

Not sure spanking would fall under masochism really, it's not really ***, well it is but you know what I mean....

Interesting thought though... where does "***" start?

 

 

Exactly I know you are very experienced so spanking to you would now feel like a tickle and you no longer define it as "real ***"... But I'm fairly new OK for example my first flogging was ***ful it was a shock and nothing I had ever felt before 6months on he used the same flogger on me and I was like stop tickling me 😂 so your *** threshold moves up with experience your body adjusts so you look for new ways to get the same effect.. I feel alot define a masochist as someone who can handle alot of ***, but we all start somewhere and I'm sure most don't start with a dragon whip from day one... I think I would very much like to hear how you started lazypiratesbountie, I don't define myself as a masochist and I don't intend to try to become one I am what I like what I like and I'm happy with that I just don't get at what stage people decide to call someone or define themselves as a masochist... I myself keep pushing myself to experience and withstand more as I want to and I do find somethings I found shocking at the very start now feel like a tickle so I'm waiting for the stronger toys to come out to play but I'm only 6 months in I wounder where I will be in 5 years 😜

[Deleted Member]

One does need to make a difference between a sub with masochism tendancy and a masochist who’s chasing her limits. And this is why masochist got difficulties to find a Dom who would read that. And then as pirate mention your will find there are 2 types of sadists one who care and the other one waiting for the safe word to be shouted ! 
when the *** start ? I think what do you need to ask is when the *** is getting too dangerous to accept and inflict! So it’s your body reactions, the *** of today won’t be the one tomorrow 

[Wo****]

"I think I would very much like to hear how you started lazypiratesbountie"

 

Gimme five mins and I'll share with you x

[Wo****]

Years ago, when i was with my ex, i was at the depths of my depression, my ex and i were fighting. He was abusive, physically, emotionally and mentally.

I got chatting to someone online, my first Master. I had an affair with him.

He introduced me to whipping, with a home made whip. Baling twine, if i recall. I loved it!

For the first time in years, i felt something. ***. Physical ***. I could take a beating (and did) from my ex and not feel it, i was numb. Being whipped made me feel, because i trusted this man i guess, to hurt me but not harm me.

Through feeling, and controlling the physical *** it allowed me a release for my emotional ***.

Our affair ended (we are still in touch and he is one of my closest friends) life moved on. I left my ex, finally, eventually met Pirate.

 

Pirate and i started with spanking, paddles and crops. Impact play is one of his kinks. No whips. He had reservations with those about his ability with them. He'd tried it, it didn't go too well but agreed that we'd try his whips out. We started slowly, softly, testing it out. We used riding crops, bullwhip and a flogger.... built it up. Over a period of about 6 months, increasing the intensity then talked about a dragon tail. Got the dragon tongue quirt first, played around with that then progressed to the dragon tail. From spanking to serious whipping in about 8/9 months i guess.

Even now, every time, he starts from the beginning.

 

 

How far would i go to discover my limits with him? What are my limits? No idea but i know it will be consensual, communicated and judged along the way.

 

I've discovered that physical *** releases emotional *** for me. 

My masochism is more than just sexual.

 

 

 

[Ky****]

well in some ways I'd define sadism as being less consensual, although that ignores the fact that sadist appears as an archetype, so I'd guess its a case of if you are happy label yourself, I tend to id as a masochist because I do sexually enjoy having my *** tolerances pushed, as to whether tghat makes the dom/dome a sadist I guess that depends on how, and if they want to self label

[Wo****]

7 minutes ago, Kymi said:

well in some ways I'd define sadism as being less consensual, although that ignores the fact that sadist appears as an archetype, so I'd guess its a case of if you are happy label yourself, I tend to id as a masochist because I do sexually enjoy having my *** tolerances pushed, as to whether tghat makes the dom/dome a sadist I guess that depends on how, and if they want to self label

True...

An ex would happily whip me but he got nothing out of it other than I liked it.

[Deleted Member]

I don't identify as a sadist, as I don't directly get pleasure from giving ***, but I do enjoy seeing the reactions of my submissive as I spank, paddle, flog and cane her, as well as the resulting marks on her body. And I do enjoy pushing her limits, as she is a masochist and loves *** and subspace.

[Ky****]

29 minutes ago, UnicornMyMaster said:

I don't identify as a sadist, as I don't directly get pleasure from giving ***, but I do enjoy seeing the reactions of my submissive as I spank, paddle, flog and cane her, as well as the resulting marks on her body. And I do enjoy pushing her limits, as she is a masochist and loves *** and subspace.

exactly, you can both get something out of it, in fact I'd say yours is a refreshing attitude, she gets the *** she craves, lucky girl, and you get the enjoyment from helping her fulfil herself without necessarily strictly being into inflicting the ***

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

Years ago, when i was with my ex, i was at the depths of my depression, my ex and i were fighting. He was abusive, physically, emotionally and mentally.

I got chatting to someone online, my first Master. I had an affair with him.

He introduced me to whipping, with a home made whip. Baling twine, if i recall. I loved it!

For the first time in years, i felt something. ***. Physical ***. I could take a beating (and did) from my ex and not feel it, i was numb. Being whipped made me feel, because i trusted this man i guess, to hurt me but not harm me.

Through feeling, and controlling the physical *** it allowed me a release for my emotional ***.

Our affair ended (we are still in touch and he is one of my closest friends) life moved on. I left my ex, finally, eventually met Pirate.

 

Pirate and i started with spanking, paddles and crops. Impact play is one of his kinks. No whips. He had reservations with those about his ability with them. He'd tried it, it didn't go too well but agreed that we'd try his whips out. We started slowly, softly, testing it out. We used riding crops, bullwhip and a flogger.... built it up. Over a period of about 6 months, increasing the intensity then talked about a dragon tail. Got the dragon tongue quirt first, played around with that then progressed to the dragon tail. From spanking to serious whipping in about 8/9 months i guess.

Even now, every time, he starts from the beginning.

 

 

How far would i go to discover my limits with him? What are my limits? No idea but i know it will be consensual, communicated and judged along the way.

 

I've discovered that physical *** releases emotional *** for me. 

My masochism is more than just sexual.

 

 

 

This is interesting and I'm sorry you had to go through such trauma. Now I haven't had physical *** before, to an extent you came into bdsm with already knowing what physical *** was like and how to deal with it so could start off at a already high level of what people to consider "real ***".. The *** from a cane for example doesn't turn me on sexually I don't think but I do enjoy it and gain from it 

1. To see Sir enjoying it fills me with pleasure 

2. I love how it hurts but then the relief I get after the *** subsides is addictive 

3. I love how with every strike its almost like a small piece of inned stress is released as the *** disappears 

4. I like to see just how far I can actually go, I don't go into it prepared to say my safety quite the opposite I don't want to say it at all

Impact play is daunting at times puts *** in me but I like that..! it gets my heart pumping especially when I see it coming 😂

Thank you for sharing its much appreciated 

 

[Wo****]

Agree with everything you posted 😊

Except the safeties thing....

I'm always prepared to say it but, like you, I don't want to use it. I've been lucky, in all the time I've only ever used my safeties once, maybe twice, and it was more of a "change it or slow it down" kinda thing rather than an outright "stop"

I actually say stop.... it doesn't mean stop everything stop, it means stop that particular thing.

 

Pirate and I kinda feed off each other in our sessions, he knows me so well now and the bond when we play is incredible. He pushes my boundaries every time while respecting my limits and keeping me safe.

[cautiousswitch]

Originally a sadist was defined in a similar manner, someone who derives sexual pleasure from giving ***.  Over time the concept of sexual sadists and non-sexual sadists has arisen; you hear about this mostly in crime dramas.  A non-sexual sadist would be another term for psychopath. 

Whether or not the same distinction could be made with masochists is a little harder.  There have been people who for religious reasons believed they must suffer.  There are other people with extremely low self esteem who just believe they deserve punishment.  Whether any of these people are deriving sexual pleasure from it is something we can't know unless they told us; but since deriving pleasure would go contrary to their initial goal they most likely wouldn't admit.

I am reminded of the dentist office scene from Little Shop of Horrors with Steve Martin and I believe Bill Murry as the masochist.  Steve Martin was both a sexual sadist as Audrey describe him on their dates and a non-sexual sadist in his professional life.  Whether Bill Murry's character was supposed to be deriving sexual pleasure from his visit to the dentist or not is something they didn't give enough information to tell.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, cautiousswitch said:

Originally a sadist was defined in a similar manner, someone who derives sexual pleasure from giving ***.  Over time the concept of sexual sadists and non-sexual sadists has arisen; you hear about this mostly in crime dramas.  A non-sexual sadist would be another term for psychopath. 

Whether or not the same distinction could be made with masochists is a little harder.  There have been people who for religious reasons believed they must suffer.  There are other people with extremely low self esteem who just believe they deserve punishment.  Whether any of these people are deriving sexual pleasure from it is something we can't know unless they told us; but since deriving pleasure would go contrary to their initial goal they most likely wouldn't admit.

I am reminded of the dentist office scene from Little Shop of Horrors with Steve Martin and I believe Bill Murry as the masochist.  Steve Martin was both a sexual sadist as Audrey describe him on their dates and a non-sexual sadist in his professional life.  Whether Bill Murry's character was supposed to be deriving sexual pleasure from his visit to the dentist or not is something they didn't give enough information to tell.

We are talking about bdsm concept. 
All sadist could be associated as psychopath mind, due to the nature of the way they exercise their behaviours. The psychopath won’t stop, won’t read the limits or being concerned and that’s the difference. 
non sexual sadist could pursuit a path of perfectionism, just Like there is non sexual form of submission 

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

Agree with everything you posted 😊

Except the safeties thing....

I'm always prepared to say it but, like you, I don't want to use it. I've been lucky, in all the time I've only ever used my safeties once, maybe twice, and it was more of a "change it or slow it down" kinda thing rather than an outright "stop"

I actually say stop.... it doesn't mean stop everything stop, it means stop that particular thing.

 

Pirate and I kinda feed off each other in our sessions, he knows me so well now and the bond when we play is incredible. He pushes my boundaries every time while respecting my limits and keeping me safe.

Yes I'm willing to use it if I really need to, I just haven't needed to, yet.. I would use as a last resort I have asked for a moment as I didn't want to stop just needed a second before continuing I wouldn't want play to stop unless I really couldn't handle any more then yes I would use my safe word. He's good at reading me and we both know ouch isn't a safe word 😂