Does any other female go through this

[An****]

So long story short. Due to past trauma I can't masterbate to get myself to an o. So I always need help from a partner. I've tried thousands of time but have failed over and over and over. My problem lays in the fact that I have a high sex drive and a partner that won't hardly touch me !ND now I have the male equivalent of blue balls. Advise please .

[Li****]

I actually feel you on this. I can't Play with myself either. Always need outside help. For also past reasons. Sometimes reading erotica or sexting with someone helps. I don't have a partner though.

Try sexting with your partner? I'm sorry I'm not helping. I'm also trying to find answers to this cx

[An****]

10 minutes ago, LittleMaus said:

I actually feel you on this. I can't Play with myself either. Always need outside help. For also past reasons. Sometimes reading erotica or sexting with someone helps. I don't have a partner though.

Try sexting with your partner? I'm sorry I'm not helping. I'm also trying to find answers to this cx

I feel a bit better because I thought I was the only one that suffered with this . It only helps if your partner is interested in you though. My partner acts like I don't exist. In married to him unfortunately but saving up to get a divorce though sucks.

[Li****]

:( I'm so sorry love. I feel that ***. My ex fiance was like that. I even tried being the Domme and ***ful sometimes and nothing. Wasted 6 years of my life and stilted me for a while cx

Try erotica then~ some hardcore hentai or something cx

I assume you've talked to him about it and it hasn't helped. Maybe some certain toys or sensations? I'm sorry I'm trying 😭 cx

I also thought I was weird and alone on it til I talked to a therapist xD

[Deleted Member]

I’m the same and due to past reasons. Since divorcing I have gotten better at it but still working on it. The partner not touching you will be reinforcing the trauma and difficulties, have you tried having a blunt and honest conversation about how you’re feeling? Apparently the rose suction toys are the cure so I’m saving for one

[Wi****]

I had an ex who had a similar problem. We tried all sorts to help, in the end she went to therapy and after 3 months I think it was she was able to orgasm on her own. I'm saying it will work for you but may be something to consider

[DarkArts1066]

Firstly, I realise that you have reached out to the Female population on here specifically for advice, but I felt I had some affirmation to offer here in respect of DontYukSomeonesYum above……

I have a female friend in her 50’s who, for her own reasons has a very similar story to your own, and she has had considerable success with the rose suction toys also.

She has the LELO Sona 2 and the ‘Womanizer’ - and swears by both.

* Note to Admin - I hope mentioning these brands is acceptable ……! - If not, please delete that portion of my comment, and accept my sincere and genuine apologies for the error.

When attempting self satisfaction, your environment and mindset are important.

Makes sure you are not going to be interrupted, and can fully relax. Consider lighting, music - even the time of day…. because that might play a part also in your ability to relax.
Finally, don’t be tempted to masturbate when tired … it only adds to frustration, if you can’t complete the task !

One final option.

Consider a ‘Yoni’ massage from someone who knows what they are doing. One of my play partners swears by them, and sees both Male AND Female therapists for these.

Good luck… I hope you find a way through this.

[Tw****]

You didn't ask for a mans opinion but you are not alone, I've had partners who suffered with similar issues. Most of them found a way but I'm guessing that it is very specific to each person.

Steamy audio books + sensory deprivation tank worked a treat for one and hypno/therapy worked for the other.

Sometimes conditions like ADHD, diet or medication can have a big hidden impact as well.

Best of luck to you and I hope you find your solution. Don't stop trying one day it will click and you'll be levitating.

[Do****]

As mentioned above, a clit suction toy is amazing. I have the cheap purple and white one from LoveHoney and it’s the best I have found. Tried Womanizer and others.

Also being a Domme means you can make your subby go down there for as long as you want so I highly recommend it 😈as well as being thoroughly pleasurable, it can help work past blockages in the long term.

[bo****]

Are you in therapy for your trauma? Overcoming that might help you in other ways too

[Dyl-8138]

I know I'm a man but I can safely say I'm the same. I haven't ejaculated in 2 years honest...

[Tl****]

I’ve heard this from plenty of females that they can’t get themselves off. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Yi****]

On the flip side. I have the opposite problem. Ive had a couple F play partners that "don't cyber", they say. But every few months something must get them over the top horney for flesh and ***.

[AG****]

I would love to as well but unfortunately It's kinda boring to do it yourself, and my hands are fucked up because of exzama and feel like sandpaper on a bad day.
On a good day like someone's thrown a handful of sand in your lube.
So I understand on multiple levels

[AG****]

Levels

[Hezzair]

Of course some of the guys will use the topic as an excuse to hit on you. Mine isn't trauma based, as much, but when I have struggled to have an O on my own, it is usually stress related. Granted, not everyone is mentally open to this, but self hypnosis techniques might be a useful tool in helping you relax enough to be able to get there. Best of luck.

[LthrDom]

I was with a previous partner that had the same issue

[al****]

First of all you need to overcome whatever it is that is inhibiting physical contact, you should get your partner thinking about you sexually 24/7. Be the agressor. I am a male so masterbation is different for me, but when I can't get to an o, it is because of my mind set, if I can get my mind off of myself magic happens, this is sorta hard to do because masterbation is all about you. Well also, do you use toys when masterbating? Just don't keep doing the same thing variety is the spice of life.

[Boredeagle]

Buy a thrusting machine
Lay back let it do the work

[Deleted Member]

Time for a new partner

[Tw****]

The responses in this thread are fucking mad... 😬 If you're trying to chat someone up who has said they can't get off then you need some serious rehabilitation... Like the 1950s padded cell kind. Actually made me very fucking angry reading some of these responses.

[Boredeagle]

My message wasn't to chat them up, if they are unable to climax from using hand then use toys

[Kury]

Get a rose vibrator

[Deleted Member]

Before healing and overcoming some CSA traumas I had difficulty with shame when it came to sexual interaction solo and with partners. Eventually I was able to overcome this by many baths and slow talks during solo play. Which, in turn, evolved into my ***d orgasm kink. 

When it comes to working through any traumas and reconnecting your body, slow talking every step helps immensely. Whether that looks like verbally saying each action you are doing in real time or prepping yourself before you do it.

examples: “…going to massage some coconut oil in this ____ area. It smells good, moisturizes our skin and is a better option for lubricant,” while massaging yourself.

or 

“I know I want to feel good right now and _____  sounds like a really good idea. I’ll take it slow with myself and stop if I change my mind at any time.” 

Think of it as reconnecting with your body—physically and mentally. No one in this world deserves your patience than yourself!! 
There might be tears- of relief, grief, and pride during self reconnection. You might feel reluctant or silly doing this too. Anything new to the system will give off initial uneasiness but once you get the hang of it it will become second nature. 
Always remember you are worth all of your own efforts and you are worth enjoying pleasure. 

I hope this helps even a little bit. 
Big hugs if you need some right now🫂💕 

You’ve got this! 

[Ho****]

Allow yourself time. Takes me typically a couple of hours., so it's an afternoon set aside for me time, and nowhere near every day! These things fluctuate. Also, sloowww works so much better anyway...

And reminding yourself throughout the day, as you would send little hints in the lead-up to a date with someone. You've booked a date with you, so look forward to it. Select little thoughts that you like and don't worry how they make you feel, just think about them now and then.

Also when it doesn't happen, remember that doesn't equal nothing happened, it isn't a failure - I bet you can find some part of the time spent that wasn't so bad. Relive everything that was enjoyable, try not to tell yourself it should be more. Just because the end result isn't 100% doesn't mean nothing went right - if any part was lovely, that's a win surely? Stay with that, that's already better than feeling shit about it. While the whole thing's associated in the mind with effort, it's difficult to relax and allow.

The more times you look back enjoying the memory (even if it's a tiny moment that went ok), the more you'll find yourself looking forward to next time... It isn't an overnight fix. Your pleasure is your project, long term perhaps. There are certainly less fun projects to be working on 😏