Deleted Member Posted June 7, 2020 Author Posted June 7, 2020 @LazyPiratesBounty Why? It is just mentally exhausting having to explain what should be obviously wrong from something everyone can read and weak to cave in and have to rationalise by explaining a thing that is self-evident: "Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe it"
Wo**** Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 (edited) 25 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said: First she implies the reason is I don't read the profiles properly and I just send indecent messages that get deleted. Then she says I am just one of the hundred a buck subs that are like "can you make me cum on cam for you" "can I please be your sub". Then she implies I do not put effort into a connection. I thought it was obvious on reading. I didn't see it that way. A lot of male subs message demanding to serve someone. I'm an owned submissive and I get messages from male subs stating they "need to serve me," that they "want" me to do (insert kink here) to them. There's been no thought. They haven't read my profile, it's not me they want, it's anyone. Temptress was telling you the main reasons most male subs have no luck. She didn't accuse you of anything. YOU thought it was obvious. Maybe Temptress' s post isn't actually a criticism of you, it's an answer to your post. The effort for a connection.... you've got a chance, right here. There are Dommes reading this, posting on it, so connect with them, communicate with them! Edited June 7, 2020 by LazyPiratesBounty Autocarrot
Wo**** Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 10 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said: @LazyPiratesBounty Why? It is just mentally exhausting having to explain what should be obviously wrong from something everyone can read and weak to cave in and have to rationalise by explaining a thing that is self-evident: "Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe it" It's a discussion forum, explaining stuff, that's the whole point! I'm actually really interested in this thread as I'm still figuring stuff out about being a pro Domme as opposed to just dominant. Never explored my dominant side, so these kind of points could offer me real, useful tips. Self evident.... it obviously wasn't x
Deleted Member Posted June 7, 2020 Author Posted June 7, 2020 (edited) @LazyPiratesBounty The term for what you're describing is "plausible deniability". It can be a defence mechanism or in this case a form of psychological aggression. And I don't think anybody really believes this thread is an opportunity to connect with dommes my own age. Temptress was talking about profiles where women get spam from those kinds of subs - mostly in a lot older age group. So I don't think she was sincerely trying to be helpful. Edited June 7, 2020 by Deleted Member
ey**** Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 Nope - but explaining does help people who are looking to learn and looking for different viewpoints.
Deleted Member Posted June 7, 2020 Author Posted June 7, 2020 (edited) @eyemblacksheep Well, I'm not being paid for sharing my viewpoint. Edited June 7, 2020 by Deleted Member
Wo**** Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 13 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said: @LazyPiratesBounty And I don't think anybody really believes this thread is an opportunity to connect with dommes my own age So it was just a thread to bitch about stuff then? 15 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said: Temptress was talking about profiles where women get spam from those kinds of subs - mostly in a lot older age group. And you know that how? 11 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said: @eyemblacksheep Well, I'm not being paid for sharing my viewpoint. Huh?
Deleted Member Posted June 7, 2020 Author Posted June 7, 2020 17 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: Nope - but explaining does help people who are looking to learn and looking for different viewpoints. And I value men and women who take the time to do so
ey**** Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 to simplify directly. You've been (back) on the site less than 48 hours. Relationships can take time to cultivate and some of the bigger pictures takes time to see. Expecting quick/easy results is a form of entitlement and is often off-putting. I feel forms of online dating is pretty difficult. It's especially difficult at a time when making plans to meet is virtually a non starter. I think there is no easy way - but certainly ways to make things harder on yourself. Impatience is definitely something that makes things more difficult.
Deleted Member Posted June 7, 2020 Author Posted June 7, 2020 @LazyPiratesBounty No, I wanted to see how others had experienced the site. (second point) - from flicking through the site most of the dommes are older women. @eyemblacksheep Which is fine - you don't have to. I'll share my viewpoint, just not when I feel I'm being attacked.
Deleted Member Posted June 7, 2020 Author Posted June 7, 2020 @eyemblacksheep I don't think I'm being impatient, merely asking if success in finding dommes online is generally a no-go.
ey**** Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 Well - back to my first point. Yes, I have had success stories. But, I also don't *just* do online
Deleted Member Posted June 7, 2020 Author Posted June 7, 2020 1 minute ago, eyemblacksheep said: Well - back to my first point. Yes, I have had success stories. But, I also don't *just* do online I don't personally do munches. Would prefer to keep a lower profile than that. Besides I don't think I relate to most kinksters, even as eccentric as I am.
ey**** Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 Online only is difficult, for sure. There's stuff where - it's consequential. Some people have different preferences and interests - so, if you've no interest in, what we'll call, the public scene - then you need someone who is also disinterested in the public scene. This isn't impossible - but it decreases on who you are compatible with. It becomes somewhat easier to meet someone from other circles and introduce them to kink (or perhaps they already had a kinda interest) but that presents it's own challenges.
Deleted Member Posted June 7, 2020 Author Posted June 7, 2020 1 minute ago, eyemblacksheep said: Online only is difficult, for sure. There's stuff where - it's consequential. Some people have different preferences and interests - so, if you've no interest in, what we'll call, the public scene - then you need someone who is also disinterested in the public scene. This isn't impossible - but it decreases on who you are compatible with. It becomes somewhat easier to meet someone from other circles and introduce them to kink (or perhaps they already had a kinda interest) but that presents it's own challenges. I don't see why - I just have to meet someone open to meeting via munches or online dating.
ey**** Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 But you said you don't do munches which leaves you with online which is not impossible but limits options.
Deleted Member Posted June 7, 2020 Author Posted June 7, 2020 2 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: But you said you don't do munches which leaves you with online which is not impossible but limits options. Well I can't meet somebody who does munches at a munch but assuming we are compatible, I should be able to meet them online unless they rule that out themselves.
Phoenyx Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 @BlushingFlush have you considered becoming a Dom? You asked folks to consider the implications of your post, and Dom energy is what I am reading. Your difficulty with finding a lady Domina, may be due to the fact that you come across as too dominant. The anger and frustration that you have expressed, have all of the earmarks of a dominant side demanding to be released. I do not know how long you have been in The Scene. However, I do sense that you have spent many years getting in-touch with your passions, feelings, and fetishes. A person who is that in-touch with themself, often has no choice, but to become dominant. You may have even been born that way, and never realized it. Consequently, you may need to channel your desires, by "inflicting" them on others (note the facetious use of that term). The interesting thing about The Scene, is that it leads you to where you need to go---not necessarily to where you thought that you wanted to go. I'm sorry, if this is not the answer that you desired. That said, I feel that this is something that you seriously need to look-into.
Si**** Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 Wow Blushingflush. There is no point in offering you any opinion if your going to reject them anyway. You clearly don't want to hear what others think. Im not sure why you asked, other than to vent your single minded point.
Deleted Member Posted June 7, 2020 Author Posted June 7, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, phoenyx said: @BlushingFlush have you considered becoming a Dom? You asked folks to consider the implications of your post, and Dom energy is what I am reading. Your difficulty with finding a lady Domina, may be due to the fact that you come across as too dominant. The anger and frustration that you have expressed, have all of the earmarks of a dominant side demanding to be released. I do know what you mean. I'm more of a switch truthfully, submission is just something I want to "explore". Part of it is the anger and frustration at things feeling like I haven't achieved certain things in life that I would have liked to so in a way feel like being "dominant" but without having actually "dominated". Like someone who loves poker that lost a few bad hands taking a breather to become the card dealer instead. Not sure how else to describe it. Oh, and I just happen to find femdom immensely erotic. More dominant fantasies were things I felt in my ***s when I didn't know about any other fetishes. Femdom was just how I continued my exploration and sort of felt more ethical the way female pornstars get exploited by the industry (though I guess it can happen to the men to but I get a little sexist about these things so it doesn't bother me as much). What does interest me is the idea of finding a dominant personality I can sort of compete with and then maybe even unintentionally "lose" to. Or play with them a little, let them think they are "winning". Also all the DDLG and brat stuff and sugar relationships aspect of traditional dominance and submission kind of annoys me but I guess so do certain things about femdom like financial domination, having to refer to Her as Goddess even outside the bedroom, etc. I know those are all things you don't have to do I'm just mentioning them as things some people might expect even while others may not. Thanks for asking. 1 hour ago, SirGreen said: Wow Blushingflush. There is no point in offering you any opinion if your going to reject them anyway. You clearly don't want to hear what others think. Im not sure why you asked, other than to vent your single minded point. I just get grouchy sometimes because of my hay fever and the fact it means I can't get out the house for very long without feeling like scratching my eyes out & sneezing till my lungs get sore. Especially at the start of summer *sigh. Plus covid means I'm not likely to meet any new people soon or apply for any cool jobs but I guess everyone is feeling the frustration at lock down. Edited June 7, 2020 by Deleted Member
Wo**** Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 @BlushingFlush Grouchy???? Hm, I suppose that's one definition 😋 Seriously ..... you're coming across so much better now that you're actually opening up and talking to people and engaging. You can be a submissive, a bottom, while still being dominant.... just a thought. And, I relate to the "fighting it out" too... alpha position?
Deleted Member Posted June 7, 2020 Author Posted June 7, 2020 (edited) 13 minutes ago, LazyPiratesBounty said: @BlushingFlush Grouchy???? Hm, I suppose that's one definition 😋 Ok! I like a little drama! (Subconsciously, I mean I don't deliberately look for fights!). Quote Seriously ..... you're coming across so much better now that you're actually opening up and talking to people and engaging. Eventually I'll go back to square one and do it all over again believe me. It's like a self-destructive loop. Quote You can be a submissive, a bottom, while still being dominant.... just a thought. Sure, that's what I thought. I don't really like labels, I was just explaining how I feel about the S&M relationship dynamics the best way I could think of to another poster. Quote And, I relate to the "fighting it out" too... alpha position? Brazilian jiu-jitsu was a hobby of mine. You lose sense of the whole "dominant" or "submissive" when you can be "submissive" to a black belt kicking your ass, "dominant" over a white belt getting his ass kicked and "equal" to someone your own skill level when your kicking each other's ass. Not that belts really matter - it's all relative (besides no belts in no gi). Alpha and beta's no longer really a thing. You're just yourself, you do your best, fight to win not not to lose, and either tap them out or get tapped out. Edited June 7, 2020 by Deleted Member
Wo**** Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 2 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said: Ok! I like a little drama! (Subconsciously, I mean I don't deliberately look for fights!). Eventually I'll go back to square one and do it all over again believe me. It's like a self-destructive loop. Sure, that's what I thought. I don't really like labels like Brazilian jiu-jitsu was a hobby of mine. You lose sense of the whole "dominant" or "submissive" when you can be "submissive" to a black belt kicking your ass, "dominant" over a white belt getting his ass kicked and "equal" to someone your own skill level when your kicking each other's ass. It's all relative. Alpha and beta's no longer really a thing. You're just yourself, you do your best, fight to win not not to lose, and either tap them out or get tapped out. Oh.... where to begin 😊 You don't want a fight, you want a challenge. It IS a loop, it'll continue until you break it by learning whatever lesson it is. Labels are just a guide. I do kung fu 😊
TemptressM Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 8 hours ago, BlushingFlush said: First she implies the reason is I don't read the profiles properly and I just send indecent messages that get deleted. Then she says I am just one of the hundred a buck subs that are like "can you make me cum on cam for you" "can I please be your sub". Then she implies I do not put effort into a connection. I thought it was obvious on reading. I actually did not imply that you did that, I said thats what we get in our inboxes. I asked you what you did. Also what I meant as a decent message was more than a hello. You asked for an opinion I was giving you mine.
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