Dom and Domme.

[Deleted Member]

So there are a couple of Dommes on here I have my beady eye on, that sounds so stalkerish but it's not meant that way. However I'm no switch and never will be,but I like the strength a Domme carries, it attracts me. There is no way I'm going to call them Mistress etc so firstly what's the protocol for a Dom to approach a Domme and secondly any one have experience of a relationship like this? I feel with two people who click it's not an issue BUT???

[Mo****]

Donny, I feel that there is or should be NO problem with anyone chatting with someone else on here. After all we share a common interest in this lifestyle. The thing is that when you make the first move, you explain why it is that you are contacting them. I have tried a couple of times with Dommes and quite a few times with Doms, and I have had far better results with the guys that with the ladies. I don't switch, and like you, never will, but once I explained why I was reaching out, a level of respect and acknowledgement were established, and a few good friendships eventuated. Even to the point of getting subs recommended to me for training or guidance. Distance can be a friend at times, because it removes the threat of losing one sub to another dominant.

[Deleted Member]

It works like every other "get to know each other...". You should think about the fact that we all are first of all human beings and not just a dom(e)/sub or something like that. We are a spirit, inside of a body, that has a natural purpose, but we don't need to be a man or women, because we can choose!
The first connection will be made with the mind, not the gender specific body or the inclination.

So just talk to them, like you normally would and see where it goes. If everything is fine, there will be a dynamic somehow.

[ey****]

There are some couples I know in real life where they are both Dominants - it's just not a D/s relationship.  In one case I know they're mostly monogamous but will play with subs (the lady is a Pro Domme in that one; but one who offers nothing above sessions) in others they also have subs.

I think a good protocol is to completely ignore D/s and just approach politely, friendly, respectfully and with your kinda... what you hope to get out of it (short term, rather than long term )

[Jinxy-5083]

Firstly, you say that you’re not a switch... but then are you expecting the other person to be? It doesn’t seem a very realistic expectation to go into the situation assuming that she is the one who will have to bend and be the switch/sub. If right away you expect to be the top and not call her Mistress, then it might be better to keep this as a friendship. Without being willing to compromise and switch off roles for both of you to fulfill your Dominant sides, I don’t see it working as a relationship. Or maybe you’re looking for it as more outside of a BDSM dynamic?

[Si****]

Every Domme has a little girl inside who likes to be spanked and cuddled. Yeah, bite me (if you can!) 😋

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

There are some couples I know in real life where they are both Dominants - it's just not a D/s relationship.  In one case I know they're mostly monogamous but will play with subs (the lady is a Pro Domme in that one; but one who offers nothing above sessions) in others they also have subs.

I think a good protocol is to completely ignore D/s and just approach politely, friendly, respectfully and with your kinda... what you hope to get out of it (short term, rather than long term )

That's what I was thinking, just two people having a chat, equals in all ways. That's what I really wanted to know if it can and has been done, the playing with others is one of the reasons Poly has been something I've been looking at and thinking about recently.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Jinxy said:

 Or maybe you’re looking for it as more outside of a BDSM dynamic?

Nail on the head Jinxy, I wouldn't expect anyone to switch and it would just be a boy and a girl getting to know each other. More vanilla protocols of you like. A traditional way to build first a friendship and then maybe our own dynamic with our own rules. Just something I've been  mulling over for a while 😊

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, handlungsbedarf said:

It works like every other "get to know each other...". You should think about the fact that we all are first of all human beings and not just a dom(e)/sub or something like that. We are a spirit, inside of a body, that has a natural purpose

That's exactly what I was thinking, I think too many in this world get too wrapped up in their "roles" and forget we are just people first, we all seek the same thing, happiness. I wanted more than anything to make sure there were no protocols about this 😊

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, SirPhileasFlogg said:

Every Domme has a little girl inside who likes to be spanked and cuddled. Yeah, bite me (if you can!) 😋

Ha ha ha yes this has crossed my mind, I think a relationship with two "d's" could be such fun and primal at times 

[Deleted Member]

I am friends with a couple - one of them is a sadist Domme and the other is a Dominant. He is her top and the only person she allows to top her. They both play with others. Seems to work.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, Donnykinkster said:

That's what I was thinking, just two people having a chat, equals in all ways. That's what I really wanted to know if it can and has been done, the playing with others is one of the reasons Poly has been something I've been looking at and thinking about recently.

Even not necessarily a full Poly arrangement; but a non-mono

Which I think... you might have a bunch of mates - but, you wouldn't invite the one who doesn't like football to the football match or the one who doesn't like rock music to the rock gig - but they can still both be your friends.

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, eyemblacksheep said:

non-mono

 

Exactly that, maybe emotionally mono, sexually poly but for both there would I think be discussed limits when playing with others. Kissing for me is deeply intimate as an example and some things would be kept within the D/D relationship.

[Deleted Member]

11 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

I am friends with a couple - one of them is a sadist Domme and the other is a Dominant. He is her top and the only person she allows to top her. They both play with others. Seems to work.

I think anything can work if you just like someone, if there is a spark there is a way. Hope you're well 😊

[Deleted Member]

36 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

I think anything can work if you just like someone, if there is a spark there is a way. Hope you're well 😊

I agree. That’s what I’ve enjoyed so much about joining the bdsm community - it’s about connection rather than predefined rules about which people and how many you’re “allowed” to be interested in. I am well thank you Donny 🙌🏻

[Deleted Member]

I am VERY interested in a power dynamic with a hot Dom. I’ve tried my hand at submissive men because I have a Dominate steak but, it’s not for me. I am turned on by masculinity and power. But, I’d love to Domme a Dom. That’s why I’m attracted to a brat style dynamic where there is push back and a need to be “broken”. Also I just love punishment. It would be a very fun dynamic if the Dom allowed me to top from the bottom. That would be hot.

[Deleted Member]

I’m contacted by so many submissive men everyday that I’ve considered doing it professionally. But, ultimately decided against it.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, Samantha_81 said:

I’m contacted by so many submissive men everyday that I’ve considered doing it professionally. But, ultimately decided against it.

It's a complex beast - but there are ladies who've basically been... "you know - I'm a sub - but if you are happy for my to dress up in a certain way and pretend I'm a Domme in exchange for payment - then - well, OK..." which is a bigger story.

[Jinxy-5083]

5 hours ago, Donnykinkster said:

Nail on the head Jinxy, I wouldn't expect anyone to switch and it would just be a boy and a girl getting to know each other. More vanilla protocols of you like. A traditional way to build first a friendship and then maybe our own dynamic with our own rules. Just something I've been  mulling over for a while 😊

Gotcha. Sorry if my message came across cranky. I’m a grump when I’m tired 😂 Then yes, I think you can have a lot of fun with this type of relationship. As others have mentioned there are ways of making it work. I think the idea of you creating your own dynamic is an excellent idea as well as starting slow and growing from a friendship. I still think compromise is going to be your best friend even outside of a traditional dynamic, since being both Dominant you’d have two very strong personalities. Good luck! 
 

Jinx

[TemptressM]

Yeah there is no right or wrong in this,  at the end of the day its communication and if you both can come up with something that works for you both,  I know some couples that will only Dom a sub together.  I have myself been in a relationship with a Dominant guy and we both had a lot of fun play fighting to see who was on top (Not actual fighting lol). 

It might just end in friendship but you would have that friend who understood you a lot better than most. 

 

 

[cautiousswitch]

The only dom/domme couple I know had a messy divorce, so I can't give any more than theoretical opinions.

If the domme switches and you are both open to a dom/switch BDSM relationship with a dom/domme non-BDSM mutual friendship then it may work.

Or keep your romantic life vanilla and both be free to scratch your BDSM itch with other people as subs - or even share a sub.

[Deleted Member]

9 hours ago, cautiousswitch said:

 

Or keep your romantic life vanilla and both be free to scratch your BDSM itch with other people as subs - or even share a sub.

That is how I would envisage it. A commitment emotionally but still free to play within clearly defined limits together and at times with others.

[Deleted Member]

17 hours ago, Samantha_81 said:

I’m contacted by so many submissive men everyday that I’ve considered doing it professionally. But, ultimately decided against it.

Why not professionally? If you could make a living doing something you enjoy? 😊

[Deleted Member]

Very interesting!!! Great thread and thoughts/ contributions.... best bit I read, apologies for no quote,  was that essentially you make it up,  carve out your own rules,  with the foundations of our lifestyle. 

I'm fully immersed in non mono/ poly and the understanding of getting different needs met by different people is so liberating!!! The challenge you may have is finding someone to subscribe to your ideal/ expectations and on that note I'd say be ready to flex,  which I'm sure you would. 

I will say this kinda growth and exploration is very exciting and demonstrates a real openness to being creative which is one of the beacons of what we all buzz off!!!!

🔥🔥🔥

[Deleted Member]

Why not maker up your own rules as long as it sits well with both partners, I think if both in agreement you can create anything you like even a D/D relationship.

An emotional relationship as equals, maybe with a bit of switching, I said I'm no switch but with the right partner that's not actually correct. Flexibility as you say would be key and for the right lass i would flex, if we were emotionally connected.

 

Non mono was not a term I had heard till yesterday and it makes perfect sense, committed to another but with maybe an option for both partners to play together with a submissive or even alone with a submissive as long as there were agreed upon limits to how far that play could go. The key for me is the emotional connection, emotinallly mono but maybe sexually non mono.