Is it inappropriate for a Dom to cry? 😿

[Do****]

During my daily reflection I came to a realization. I realized the level of vulnerability that both Dom & sub are in when they encounter. As a 💯 % Dom I am designed to be strong in all situations. So are tears 😭 viewed as a weakness & flaw. Or can they be viewed as another form of strength. Not that I am a cry baby far from it. In me I normally cry when in raged; like the warning before the storm. At that point I am not crying for me I’m crying for who ever or what ever is about to get my in raged energy. So in conclusion to you is it ok for a Dom to shed tears for any reason?

[ja****]

Fudge that noise, we're all human. Domming can be just as emotionally taxing as subbing. I'd go so far as to say that dom*mes that don't need aftercare are kinda sketch. As are people (dom*me or sub) who consider tears a sign of failure as a dom*me.

[Do****]

In front of their sub, Absolutely not in my opinion. But we are human. Humans have complex emotions. If your sub is your 24/7 partner, it will probably happen eventually. But in a session or scene , I think that would probably diminish your subs view of you as a dominant. But that's just my opinion.

[Lo****]

Yes, as a 13 year experience dom. Crying is normal. I always talk to my subs about how sometimes being a dom can get emotional, especially in a moment of rage in a scene, and they are under. So it's 100% ok, and if the sub does not respect, then they are not a good sub, and you should separate your self from her.

[Do****]

4 minutes ago, jansalterego said:

Fudge that noise, we're all human. Domming can be just as emotionally taxing as subbing. I'd go so far as to say that dom*mes that don't need aftercare are kinda sketch. As are people (dom*me or sub) who consider tears a sign of failure as a dom*me.

I totally understand your perspective but I am torn because the next gentleman’s comment about absolutely not in from of the little ones; I can kind of agree with.

[cl****]

Dude, crying when raging is possibly saving the person who caused the rage a beating of epic proportion.
Discipline is different than wanting to rip someone's head off
You're good!

[Do****]

5 minutes ago, DomDaddy1084 said:

In front of their sub, Absolutely not in my opinion. But we are human. Humans have complex emotions. If your sub is your 24/7 partner, it will probably happen eventually. But in a session or scene , I think that would probably diminish your subs view of you as a dominant. But that's just my opinion.

So are you taking the stance that tears are a form of weakness.

[be****]

No, I definitely wouldn't see it as such. Tears are a release of emotion, regardless of what emotion. Not a weakness.

[Sweetestsadist]

Absolutely. I use a session as therapy often, not just for fun. When there's stuff that is making my brain frustrated, letting it out though a beating helps. Sometimes there's tears from me, that is a release as well. And it's not that I want to be consoled. I want to work my issues out. If I cry, I'm not ashamed.

[Th****]

8 minutes ago, DomDaddy1084 said:

In front of their sub, Absolutely not in my opinion. But we are human. Humans have complex emotions. If your sub is your 24/7 partner, it will probably happen eventually. But in a session or scene , I think that would probably diminish your subs view of you as a dominant. But that's just my opinion.

If my dom hid his emotions from me in that way, any connection would be short-lived. Yes, bursting into tears in the middle of a scene is sub-optimal, but during aftercare, when space is held for all participants to purge emotions and be reassured by their partner it's completely normal and shows the strength of trust between the two. You do you, i just think your view is a little toxic.

[ja****]

7 minutes ago, Dominant_ism99 said:

I totally understand your perspective but I am torn because the next gentleman’s comment about absolutely not in from of the little ones; I can kind of agree with.

It's a valid point, but I don't entirely agree. You're not a punishment robot, even if you live entirely submersed in the lifestyle. I'll admit that it could be a showstopper when it happens in the middle of a scene, but even then, sometimes what we do takes us to unexpected places, emotionally. And when it happens, that should not shatter ones self-image as a dom*me, nor should it be cause for others to question one's dom*me-ness.

[Do****]

17 minutes ago, Long-steel said:

Yes, as a 13 year experience dom. Crying is normal. I always talk to my subs about how sometimes being a dom can get emotional, especially in a moment of rage in a scene, and they are under. So it's 100% ok, and if the sub does not respect, then they are not a good sub, and you should separate your self from her.

I to under how that sometimes rage and adrenaline can bring the Most Powerful Dom to a state that garners tears. I have even noticed that certain levels of intimacy causes a Dom to ***.

[Tw****]

Nobody is 100% domme 100% of the time. Anyone who says otherwise is a questionable character and should probably be investigated. Lack of emotional intelligence is a big red flag. Learning when/where to allow yourself to be *** is important as it allows you to vent at the "right time" and not while with someone who might be in an uncomfortable position 😏

[Tw****]

Vuln3r4bl3*

[SBdomswitch1369]

It’s ok to shed tears for whatever reason - if you’re suppressing your emotions, while you could argue that takes a degree of strength, but I think it takes even more to feel what you feel.

[Do****]

23 minutes ago, Dominant_ism99 said:

So are you taking the stance that tears are a form of weakness.

Absolutely not. Tears are 100% normal. We all have emotions. I personally try not to do it in front of my subs or during a scene. But after care is as much for us as them.

[Do****]

23 minutes ago, ThatCheekyMinx said:

If my dom hid his emotions from me in that way, any connection would be short-lived. Yes, bursting into tears in the middle of a scene is sub-optimal, but during aftercare, when space is held for all participants to purge emotions and be reassured by their partner it's completely normal and shows the strength of trust between the two. You do you, i just think your view is a little toxic.

Oh I definitely think it's appropriate during aftercare, that's for both of us. Perhaps I didn't phrase that the way I meant. I said it's 100% normal. I just try not to during play or a scene.

[No****]

Referring to yourself as not being a “cry baby” kind of negates the whole point of this post.

[Do****]

29 minutes ago, Dominant_ism99 said:

So are you taking the stance that tears are a form of weakness.

Absolutely not. Tears are normal.

[ol****]

“Like a warning before the storm; at that point I am not crying for me, I’m crying for me, I’m crying for who ever or what ever is about to get my in raged energy.”

Come on, you sound like a guy who puts on a front to be seen as strong, like this is the most childish way to say you cry.

It’s not a movie, you can say you cry and that’s alright, but Jesus, raged energy- you acting like a halk when you’re probably a care bear at heart.

Crying is a natural thing the body does when put under emotional stress, it realises endorphins to ease both physical and emotional ***; however men die to testosterone find it harder to cry.

But this all I “cry for the person I’m going to unleash my wrath on” is so what’s the word- telling? - people who aren’t putting in a show don’t have the need to make their actions be the 3rd person view of what being a tuff guy - they are just themselves without any need to justify themselves.

Sorry my guy, but your comments made me honestly just think “oh no his got a terrible temper, he’s going to stomp his feat” 😂

[Do****]

7 hours ago, TwistedTreat69 said:

Nobody is 100% domme 100% of the time. Anyone who says otherwise is a questionable character and should probably be investigated. Lack of emotional intelligence is a big red flag. Learning when/where to allow yourself to be *** is important as it allows you to vent at the "right time" and not while with someone who might be in an uncomfortable position 😏

Before I delve to deep into your comment. I want to address the 100% portion. I am and have been since birth, the age in my ***s when my 21 year old girlfriend gave me my 1st request for a sub to be my possession, and at my current age 40; have been a 100% Dom since birth. Confirmed and affirmed by my creators. Yet I have a heightened level of emotional intelligence or I wouldn’t be such a powerful *** in existence. i.e. this topic. So please 🙏 don’t project that because everything is layered and has variations so we can’t all be the same we are more like snowflakes ❄️!

[Deleted Member]

As Doms we experience intense sessions, physical, mental, emotional releases almost as much as our Subs do. If you sit and think about it the *** we cause to bring our Subs to their releases, that we helped them to let go of those emotions, while we remained in control and then held them close to us after which allowed them to let go of more and feel safe and protected. Yeah its very emotional for us and not healthy to hold onto all of our emotions from that. We have to be able to safely let those go.

[ol****]

Although on the question about crying, it’s all subjective- if a sub likes the dominant because they process a cold and calm demeanour, and they want someone that is strong and ***less- then crying could potentially ruin their mental image of you.

Granted it’s based on the sub’s preference, also what they are crying about and how often- if they are crying about something they find trivial their opinion could definitely change.

As for comments saying crying shows strength- it doesn’t, it doesn’t necessarily show weakness either. It’s a biological reaction to ***ful stimuli, and mainly autonomic - some people find it easier to shed tears, or harder- but if doesn’t mean your stronger or even weaker, your just a human that is carrying out a normal function.

However, there is a societal, and maybe even biological predisposition towards stigmatisation of the action of crying- as crying would signify *** and vulnerability.

[Ar****]

i) Yes, it is absolutely okay for a Dom/me to cry, for whatever reason. Pent-up or suppressed emotions are not healthy.

 

ii) It isn't okay to be directing your "in raged" energy at people, especially as a D-type. A Dom/me needs to have self-discipline and control above all else; a Dom/me who directs anger or rage towards another person is expressing themselves as a danger to their partner/s.

[ol****]

10 minutes ago, Dominant_ism99 said:

Before I delve to deep into your comment. I want to address the 100% portion. I am and have been since birth, the age 15 when my 21 year old girlfriend gave me my 1st request for a sub to be my possession, and at my current age 40; have been a 100% Dom since birth. Confirmed and affirmed by my creators. Yet I have a heightened level of emotional intelligence or I wouldn’t be such a powerful *** in existence. i.e. this topic. So please 🙏 don’t project that because everything is layered and has variations so we can’t all be the same we are more like snowflakes ❄️!

Somebody has been watching too many peaky blinders - but of course your the most powerful existence, and by this scale the next most powerful would be, Winnie the Pooh