Is it inappropriate for a Dom to cry? 😿

[Un****]

If you can’t be in touch with your own feelings, how the F**K you think that you should be completely trusted with someone else’s at their most ***? Hell yes, it’s okay to cry. It’s cool as hell to have emotional maturity and depth. It’s f**king awesome to be moved to tears by something or someone. Even getting the *** out is not only needed, but can be beautiful and transformative. Feeling ashamed, afraid of, or threatened by the most basic of human conditions is sociopathic at best, and a complete threat to others at all times.

[Di****]

Maybe, its one of those things thats subjective. For me, ill never cry in front of anyone, i MUST maintain the illusion of emotional reliability, i did it once in front of an ex and was taken advantage of, it will never happen again. If i have to cry, it will be by myself.

[Ro****]

As a sub for the last ten years, here's my piece.
It entirely depends on the context and circumstances.
I have been totally turned off by a dom crying, not for the fact of crying but that in that moment he was not on the emotionally mature level that I needed to be able to trust for levels of scenes that we were actively exploring towards.
I have also felt honored to be a safe space for a dom in need of it.

[Et****]

Let me pose another question: is it appropriate to eat spaghetti with Nutella? If you are hungry on that question instead of the obvious "why the hell would you do that?" then the problem is real deep. So, let's focus at the task at hand: 1st of all sort out the issues that make you cry. Your image as a Dom comes second place to your actual mental stability. In fact, as a volatile Dom you are probably dangerous to yourself AND your sub. 2nd Crying is a form of expression of your feelings as such you could say it's totally acceptable. But in the same context it may not be to the taste of everyone. So yes subs could veto you, the same way some prefer their doms in suits and ties while others in latex. To each their own. TLDR: sort your shit out for safety reasons and then find someone who likes you as you are. Anything else is philosophical circlejerking. Have fun, bro.

[Do****]

21 hours ago, clearwater454003 said:

Dude, crying when raging is possibly saving the person who caused the rage a beating of epic proportion.
Discipline is different than wanting to rip someone's head off
You're good!

lol 😂

[PF****]

That really depends... but firstly... rage should be contained.. anger is a valid tool.. like a knife is a tool. It's how you use it.. prepping food or causing harm.

Now to tears, as a Dom and a father, I will shed a tear during a movie, especially soppy bits between a dad and his kids.. that shows empathy. Or when given a , really thoughtful present by my daughter... again, empathy and thankfulness. Both those examples show a strength of character.. But to cry about stuff in everyday life.. well there are probably many other better ways to express yourself.

[Al****]

EternalBloomer, that was some of the best advice I’ve read on this app

[Deleted Member]

Being a Master with 9+ years of experience, but a man before this, yes I cried many times no matter if being alone or with my sub during the aftercare: I am on some BDSM forums and this matter is being discussed every once and then, there are some people that think that tears are a weakness and some people that think that tears make the Master more human, more ‘sensitive’ about his sub/slave, something that take the relationship to a deeper level… I do not consider this a weakness, I consider this a strength and so far no one of my sub thought I was somewhat weak because my tears, totally the opposite.

[no****]

It's not inappropriate to cry in general so regardless of your dynamic it's not about what you are but releasing built up anxiety, rage, frustration, or anything else you may be holding on to. It doesn't make you weak or laa but it could potentially help avoid lashing out. It's better to get out what you're holding onto because it will eventually release itself and could lead to deeper problems or negative coping mechanisms. Get it out, let it out and it may even make you feel better. Anyone that says otherwise have their own things pent up and they are projecting what they can't let out.

[Sa****]

This post is amazing. Thanks to all for the comments.

[Va****]

It is normal for anybody shut tears we are human I'm a submissive yes I'm mostly a little but Dom's are allowed to feel more than dominant you're allowed to break when need be if something is too much emotionally take a step back it doesn't make you less of a man it doesn't make you less of anything you are human you're allowed to feel no matter what society says

[th****]

It’s perfectly normal for someone to cry or breakdown
We all have rough days and just wanna be held or have our voice heard

[Deleted Member]

The D/s relationship is a deeply connected relationship. I think far more connected than a vanilla relationship. We do things to each other physically and emotionally that I don’t believe you can get in any other relationship. The emotional release sometimes are so strong that it’s an uncontrollable ending. It’s not just a physical release, it’s extremely emotional.

And crying is an emotional release. And that doesn’t matter whether you female, male, dominant, submissive, non-binary, trans, polkadotted etc., etc..

[tr****]

Accept yourself bud

[re****]

If you operate under rules that aren't yours you're not a dom right?.......... so you pick.

cry, don't cry, bottle it up, let it out, be stoic or be v*lnerable.... feel ashamed or love it....

Don't matter so long as you're being/becoming what you want to be..... just for yourself (not society or your partner)

right?
 

[My****]

Such a good post. It is absolutely okay for a dom to cry. It’s similar to that whole archaic view of “real men don’t cry.” It’s not a sign weakness. It’s you being human. Being comfortable and secure enough to show vulnerability is a sign of strength. It’s not an easy thing for people to do.

[Ed****]

Conquer your enemy
See them kneel before you
And lement their women
Yes a fictional character, but do you think
Conan the Barbarian cried. I say no sir
The rain doesnt hit Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris hits the rain

[di****]

We're all just people playing pretend and anyone who invalidates normal human experiences or emotions because of some silly little name tag that we slapped on ourselves isn't worth the effort.

Don't get me wrong, I take my sexual identity very seriously, but not in a way that overrules someone's right to just...be human.

[ol****]

2 hours ago, distress_addict said:

We're all just people playing pretend and anyone who invalidates normal human experiences or emotions because of some silly little name tag that we slapped on ourselves isn't worth the effort.

Don't get me wrong, I take my sexual identity very seriously, but not in a way that overrules someone's right to just...be human.

That’s right, however, it depends, that play can only exist while the person your preforming for believes it exists, if you suddenly break character it can ruin things

Although I personally find it not really playing, I’ve just leant that this level of emotional response is not worth being that ***.

Although, you’re right in one sense, think about it - people who portray being dominant show characteristics of what being a dominant constitutes; if the sub sees you display levels of submissiveness they may not say anything at first, but it will probably play on their mind, and make this illusion as you say come crumbling down.

However it depends on at what your crying at - maybe a love one dying and in a moment of weakness you display sadness- however if you constantly cry about everything, they may not even say anything, but you’ll find they stop chatting and move on

[Zo****]

Sometimes having the empathy to cry is strength of character. I know when my partner is sensitive I see it as strength of heart.

[ol****]

6 hours ago, ZoosterBluff said:

Sometimes having the empathy to cry is strength of character. I know when my partner is sensitive I see it as strength of heart.

How you feel it personally, and how you’re body responds to it, are two different things. - as what turns us off at times, can sometimes be something we don’t even understand why it does, it just does.

But that’s good that you can be this way - however, if your don was to cry all the time, over the littlest of things- don’t you find that unattractive?

[Zo****]

5 hours ago, oliver6996 said:

How you feel it personally, and how you’re body responds to it, are two different things. - as what turns us off at times, can sometimes be something we don’t even understand why it does, it just does.

But that’s good that you can be this way - however, if your don was to cry all the time, over the littlest of things- don’t you find that unattractive?

I don't see it as a turn on or turn off, I see emotions as opportunities for understanding and compassion. Though I'd be lying if I said I'd be turned on by constant tears from my Dom. I'd also be lying if I said tears never brought a breakthrough in terms of understanding.

[Ru****]

Both Dom's and subs need to be able to cry! Emotional needs aren't a one way street, and how each person expresses those needs should never be restricted, but cultivated in healthy ways 🤘🏻

[Ma****]

I can certainly see where you're coming from - it takes real strength to appear that "weak"...

Aa for whether it's "OK", or "appropriate" - I think that depends on the reason, and yours seems pretty good to Me. I've cried My heart out on at least a few subs - some trauma, especially complex and compounded, just can't be explained, dry-eyed...

I don't think any of them considered Me weak for it - the first, I know, had a little comparable history of her own, and understood. Thanks kim - I think you know just how much I needed that, and I might not have made it through without your support.

I wouldn't want to be close to anyone who could hear the details, and tears, without being moved by it. (Yes, I'm being indirect. Complex grief doesn't just tear you apart - it's complicated. Over a decade recovering, but some scars will never go away.)

Does revealing that make Me weak?

Or does it show I'm strong enough to shrug off people misjudging this?

I'm sure there'll be some who see it each way...