Dominants and subs handling bad days, advice needed please!

[Deleted Member]

I am now looking for a new dominant after leaving my previous one 7 months ago and I need some advice.

My previous dominant became very anxious when I wouldn't talk to him. These days were rare and he never caused them. I would politely and respectfully tell him I am sorry but I am having a bad day and need time to myself so please understand. In the beginning, he respected this and it felt good to have that much needed day.  Towards the end of our relationship, he became different. He would punish me for not speaking to him or being open with him but only on those days. Before him, I never ran into this issue.

Would you say this is a common occurrence or a red flag that I need to watch out for?

 

[Deleted Member]

Hi Eveningside, i had this but from the other side. My Dom would just stop talking and shut down on me when he was stressed or upset, and in the end, it cost us our dynamic. Punishing you for needing time to yourself is a definite "red flag" in my book, as in this lifestyle, communication is vital, alongside respect. Even if you have a TPE or a 24/7 thing going on, we are only human and need time out some time. I wouldn't say it was necessarily common, but could be easily handled with a good conversation that you aren't ignoring / avoiding him. 

[Strawslut]

Absolutely a red flag. This is you stating your boundaries and then being punished for them. This is bullying and not domination, try explaining this and if things don't change leave.

[sissy_petra_uk_slut]

Communication is the key, you need to establish with your Dom , what degree of service you can give. Is it 24/7 or just at certain times. It sounds like your Dom, was becoming emotionally attached, and with all relationships this can happen
Be clear and concise with your next Dom, and hope you can find a common ground you both can agree on.

[Deleted Member]

25 minutes ago, pappaman said:

Communication is the key, you need to establish with your Dom , what degree of service you can give. Is it 24/7 or just at certain times. It sounds like your Dom, was becoming emotionally attached, and with all relationships this can happen
Be clear and concise with your next Dom, and hope you can find a common ground you both can agree on.

You are right about the attachment. He was speaking about at the end of our relationship. This is the main reason why I released myself. I'm single and I enjoy being single but I enjoy having that D/S relationship!

Edited July 27, 2020 by Deleted Member
Update to make sense

[Deleted Member]

I'm sorry! This is supposed to say he was speaking about at the end of our relationship.

[sissy_petra_uk_slut]

I agree with the others as well, itcwas a form of bullying, and very likely Borne out of jealously.  Use it as good experience and  you will find a good match I hope.

[Koby]

His insecurities and his inability to discuss his insecurities.

[Ar****]

On 7/27/2020 at 12:54 PM, Eveningside said:

I am now looking for a new dominant after leaving my previous one 7 months ago and I need some advice.

My previous dominant became very anxious when I wouldn't talk to him. These days were rare and he never caused them. I would politely and respectfully tell him I am sorry but I am having a bad day and need time to myself so please understand. In the beginning, he respected this and it felt good to have that much needed day.  Towards the end of our relationship, he became different. He would punish me for not speaking to him or being open with him but only on those days. Before him, I never ran into this issue.

Would you say this is a common occurrence or a red flag that I need to watch out for?

 

Ohhhhh, what a chord this strikes right now.... a definite red flag. You are more than entitled to your space, you told him you needed it, and he ought to have understood you and respected that.