How to Approach a Submissive

[Deleted Member]

Dommes:

How often do you initiate approaching?
How would you approach a submissive?

 

Submissive/bottoms:

How often do you initiate approaching?

What are some experiences you've had on being approached in the past that were undesirable? 

[pr****]

Submissive - I hate when I get a "you will submit to me" style message. Like let's build some trust first. I honestly don't understand it. If I submit that easily, then I'd submit to anyone.

[li****]

As a domme I never send the first message unless it's to thank them for a kinky gift.

[ki****]

I prefer to be approached. But in a good manner. As in connect and make sure the connection is legit and not just a message and disappear kinda thing. Also, the “you will do as I say” as a first message isn’t cool 😪

[St****]

I say "Hi I liked that thing you posted about x , I'm also into that, I like it when I mix X and y. Are you into that?"

And I expect them to either ignore, or check out my profile and possibly reply. Then we can let the conversation peter out as nature intended. Or possibly connect!

[Ro****]

I currently have a very aggressive message in one of my inboxes from a male dominant. I'm too scared to reply.

If approached I look for one that isn't straight in with the kink stuff. An actual get to know you.

If approaching I usually send a polite message indicating interest and wait.

[Se****]

From a sub point of view- I find it dull when someone starts to chat with you but it’s all nonsense small talk and the conversation never moves in the direction of sex. That’s the whole point of this app, it’s for people who have sexual fetishes. How can I see you as dominant if you can’t even steer a conversation? I favor a more direct approach.

[Do****]

Never approach a sub…… they need to show their interest first 😉

[Ra****]

6 minutes ago, DommeDelight said:

Never approach a sub…… they need to show their interest first 😉

This, be interesting enough that they show an interest in you.

[Deleted Member]

Personally I like to be approached, but if I observe someone I like I would definitely approach. Sadly I see so few women initiate approaching at all. I like to see a Dominant woman secure enough to show vulnerability, since I am to be vul-nerable. 


Something that keeps happening to me is I get a message starting with" Hey sub or slave or sissy ready to bow down?"  usually from someone who has a title in their name like" Mistress so-and-so".  Red flags all over! 

I remember back in the days when Femdom was just taking it's first steps. And I was a noobie, Women used to tell me how tasteless and unattractive having a "slave" or "submissive" in your name was and now the opposite seems to be happening. 

Edited September 4, 2025 by Deleted Member

[Do****]

18 minutes ago, RavenousHunger said:

This, be interesting enough that they show an interest in you.

Exactly. It’s not brain science. Doesn’t mind what the nature of the contact is (provided it’s not a dick pic!). Just making first contact expresses interest and the conversation can flow from there……

[Ki****]

I think this has more to do with my age than being a submissive but I do prefer the man to message first, dominant or submissive. I will drop a handkerchief (liking a pic or a post) to prompt a message. 

I have messaged men first. Most of my relationships have come from those. Although the response rate from me doing that is very low, so it seems most men don’t like the submissive messaging first. And yes, I’m being age, interest, and kink aligned. I’m actually rather picky in who I message. I think it’s really a numbers game. You just have to keep trying. 

[Ki****]

5 hours ago, DommeDelight said:

Never approach a sub…… they need to show their interest first 😉

Great for here. But what happens if there’s a real world chance meet and there’s just something *there* as you look and I catch you and smile. Do you forego the pleasure of meeting and interacting with the person that just gave you a dopamine *bip* and perhaps sub sequent (couldn’t resist🤭🤗) bips? If you kept my eye, I’d likely gesture to the empty seat at 120° … there! got that little *bip* again, dincha!!? Then, given pheromones, a leading smile, and a 😵‍💫gulp😳 there’d be a few leading questions from yourself or myself (whoever felt more courageous in the moment!)that would likely embolden either other to say, reply directly to a double entendre. Which w/could engender further interest and escalation.
Or engender confused looks 🥸🤣🤗

[Deleted Member]

I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to try to assert yourself or *** anything with the first message. Respect and genuine conversation goes a long way. Especially in the first interaction. You can’t expect someone to trust you with something as deep as submission in the first interaction.