CNC

[Cu****]

So, I've been asked my interest about this by a few people recently, and I honestly dont know the answer, so I'm hoping for some clarity here. I know discussions on boundaries, safe words, and having trust in your partner are crucial here. But how would one protect themselves from legal issues if someone were to report it as actually not CNC, just that it was non-consentual.

Secondary to this, I have a partner, long term (thinking 20 years) that has a *** fantasy and wants me to fulfill it for her, like full on like a real ***.

So both present, in my opinion, a higher level of risk and potential for it going sideways. So I guess mainly if I was to pursue these realms, how do I fulfill that while also protecting myself?

[un****]

Written contract covering every basis and possibility

[he****]

Contracts!

[un****]

Always in writing and photo copy them etc yourself, dont alollow anyone near them haha

[Da****]

Normalize contracts. Props for asking this question and DYOR.

[ga****]

Contracts aren’t all that, how do you prove a contract hasn’t been signed under duress?
I’m not sure you can fully “protect yourself”, which is presumably why stuff like this is on murky edges of the scene.
Call me a prude but the only way you can fully protect yourself is not do it 😂

[Kl****]

Yup, in writing and record her confirming such consent. Make no longer afford to take these kind of risks too many cases of betrayal.

[Bishop1]

Contracts are not legally binding in court, even if notarized (yep, I’ve heard of that). There really is no way to legally protect yourself…it’s her word against yours. I would caution that if you don’t trust each other completely, don’t do it. I’ve heard from guys who engaged in cnc at their partners behest, only for her to wake up feeling “bad” (ashamed, guilty, buyers remorse…etc) and threaten to file charges.

[Ba****]

A contract relating to kink is not legally binding and will not protect you. It is more symbolic and an agreement, holding power only for those involved in its creation.
For me, cnc is something to only consider with those you’ve known long enough to establish maximum trust in. You need to know their reasons for wanting it, their psychological state, any trauma surrounding it or that could be triggered by a cnc scene, you need to know their limits, safewords and what is able to be pushed to the maximum.
So many people undertake it without full consideration or understanding that this is an extreme form of edge play. But it can take weeks and months of careful negotiation and checks to get to the point where you can undertake it “safely”.

[My****]

I know I might sound greedy but I don't share my baby girl

[My****]

I love giving oral and I mean to every hole and it's not like a sweet surprise at the fruit at the bottom of a yogurt

[Shilo66]

Just echoing and expanding on what some others have said here...

1- Make sure YOU know her very well and crucially, that YOU trust her implicitly... not the other way around. Unfortunately/fortunately (depending on how you view things) a BDSM / KINK contract, in the eyes of British Law, and most other countries, doesn't mean a thing.

So, if she's saying "no" repeatedly during the act, even though it's part of her fantasy to say so, and you carry on doing what you're doing, then YOU are in BIG trouble if she wakes up the next morning and decides that you went too far in HER fantasy!

2 - If you're going to do the g*** form of CNC, then you need to keep and get as much evidence as possible that she concented and wanted it. This means keeping all your communications, videos and correspondence where she is asking and stating clearly that she wants this. I'd go as far as getting her on video saying that this is a fantasy she wanted to do, literally just before you do it... and if she objects to this, then DO NOT DO IT!!!

Make sure you tell and show her what you're doing to keep YOURSELF safe from prosecution should she change her mind. AND IF she shows any disapproval of your actions, no matter how small, then DO NOT DO IT!!! 

BECAUSE, if you end up going to prison, because she changed her mind, then her fantasy will become your reality.

 

Edited September 14 by Shilo66

[Co****]

You have to be comfortable with it.

[ey****]

8 hours ago, CunninglusKing said:

I know discussions on boundaries, safe words, and having trust in your partner are crucial here

Nope

In CNC you consent to Not Consent.

ANYTHING goes.  No safewords, no boundaries. Yes, you have to have trust someone isn't going to chainsaw your hand off. 

If there are safewords, boundaries, etc then it's not CNC - but that's OK.  It's just kink within a framework 

--

Unless, of course, you're saying CNC but actually mean r*pe play - then, yes safewords and boundaries and knowing limits, just like in any other kink activity

oh, and contracts are worthless. If you think the other person might go to the police afterwards then you don't have the right level of trust or understanding so don't do it. 

[Pr****]

That's probably the dumbest take I've seen in ages. Weird projection of your own fantasy instead of a smooth running dynamic that still tends to the receiver.

[Pr****]

6 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Nope

In CNC you consent to Not Consent.

ANYTHING goes.  No safewords, no boundaries. Yes, you have to have trust someone isn't going to chainsaw your hand off. 

If there are safewords, boundaries, etc then it's not CNC - but that's OK.  It's just kink within a framework 

--

Unless, of course, you're saying CNC but actually mean r*pe play - then, yes safewords and boundaries and knowing limits, just like in any other kink activity

oh, and contracts are worthless. If you think the other person might go to the police afterwards then you don't have the right level of trust or understanding so don't do it. 

My response was meant to be quoted to this, no one else. Fucking yikes.

[Qu****]

26 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Nope

In CNC you consent to Not Consent.

ANYTHING goes.  No safewords, no boundaries. Yes, you have to have trust someone isn't going to chainsaw your hand off. 

If there are safewords, boundaries, etc then it's not CNC - but that's OK.  It's just kink within a framework 

--

Unless, of course, you're saying CNC but actually mean r*pe play - then, yes safewords and boundaries and knowing limits, just like in any other kink activity

oh, and contracts are worthless. If you think the other person might go to the police afterwards then you don't have the right level of trust or understanding so don't do it. 

Umm, that's not how CNC works. If you were to come into any reputable dungeon and try to perform the play you described there's a good chance you'd be asked to leave and never come back. CNC is an umbrella term that has a lot of types of play under it, including free use, r*pe play, *** play, & substance play.

[Fl****]

Holy shit this is one worrying post. All about how to keep yourself safe when you're playing to fhorce someone into having sex. Maybe if you make it the first worry how to keep your partner safe, you won't have to worry as much about keeping yourself safe.
Sign contracts? Record them on video saying that they want this? I would do that with people I don't trust. I wouldn't have any kind of sex let alone CNC with someone I don't trust. Communicate. Find out if it's really a fantasy of them, what's ok, what's not. Make very sure that they know that you really want them to feel safe and cared for underneath the play of fhorcing.
I can enjoy CNC, but my biggest worry would be that inadvertently I actually did fhorce someone, either because I didn't look for signs or I didn't actively check if they didn't feel comfortable giving signs if necessary because we just happen to live in a very toxic world where it is the norm that it isn't safe for women to keep themselves safe.
If someone is getting exactly what they want, why would they want to get you into trouble?

[Fl****]

Why is w.a.n.t a censored word on here

[Pr****]

1 minute ago, FlyingDutchman73 said:

Holy shit this is one worrying post. All about how to keep yourself safe when you're playing to fhorce someone into having sex. Maybe if you make it the first worry how to keep your partner safe, you won't have to worry as much about keeping yourself safe.
Sign contracts? Record them on video saying that they want this? I would do that with people I don't trust. I wouldn't have any kind of sex let alone CNC with someone I don't trust. Communicate. Find out if it's really a fantasy of them, what's ok, what's not. Make very sure that they know that you really want them to feel safe and cared for underneath the play of fhorcing.
I can enjoy CNC, but my biggest worry would be that inadvertently I actually did fhorce someone, either because I didn't look for signs or I didn't actively check if they didn't feel comfortable giving signs if necessary because we just happen to live in a very toxic world where it is the norm that it isn't safe for women to keep themselves safe.
If someone is getting exactly what they want, why would they want to get you into trouble?

The amount of people dabbling in this territory that don't have a clue is horrifying. 💀

[ey****]

I mean, you can disagree with my take - and you can yikes all you want : because it's NOT how I would play

But CNC is yet another thing where basically - communicate with your adult words with the other person about what you want the scene and dynamic to be.

And basically, yeah, people like to call stuff CNC when it's not really, it's just being edgy.

Which is why it is really important to communicate what you and the other person want from the thing you're calling CNC.

[Pr****]

1 minute ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I mean, you can disagree with my take - and you can yikes all you want : because it's NOT how I would play

But CNC is yet another thing where basically - communicate with your adult words with the other person about what you want the scene and dynamic to be.

And basically, yeah, people like to call stuff CNC when it's not really, it's just being edgy.

Which is why it is really important to communicate what you and the other person want from the thing you're calling CNC.

I'm going to just know this doesn't happen for you and won't. Carry on. 💀

[Ba****]

42 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Nope

In CNC you consent to Not Consent.

ANYTHING goes.  No safewords, no boundaries. Yes, you have to have trust someone isn't going to chainsaw your hand off. 

If there are safewords, boundaries, etc then it's not CNC - but that's OK.  It's just kink within a framework 

--

Unless, of course, you're saying CNC but actually mean r*pe play - then, yes safewords and boundaries and knowing limits, just like in any other kink activity

oh, and contracts are worthless. If you think the other person might go to the police afterwards then you don't have the right level of trust or understanding so don't do it. 

I agree that this is the most extreme end of it, but you also need to factor in somnophilia, hypnosis (if you buy into that stuff) and all the layers that a cnc umbrella covers. For that, you need to know ultimately where consented non consent ends.

[ey****]

Like, basically - forget about CNC for a second.

Any form of scene (or dynamic) negotiation you'd been discussing what you both want from it. What you want to do, what are limits and boundaries.
Any safewords or signals - and whether safewords are in addition to or instead of no/stop/etc

Because no/stop/etc are valid safewords to end a scene.

A lot of use of safewords is when one or both people do not really mean stop when they say no/stop/etc

That's a basic high level of negotiation 101

And there may be things you do to help with the communication of these. Contracts for example do not carry weight in a court of law, but can be a good way of communicating wants/limits/etc

When you call something CNC - a question is of course what *makes* it CNC other than involving things like intox (against the rules of this forum so can't be discussed), hypno, etc.

And this is where communication is important 

Protecting yourself is a factor - but you protect yourself by making sure everything would be ok.
By understanding what the other person wants and also making sure you yourself would be happy about it.

And I think that is very important to make sure how you define CNC matches the other person.