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Ghosting / Non Response

BS****

By BS****
in Kink Academy

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BS****

BS****

Posted
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You sent your message. It got read……….
Then, nothing.
Ghosting. Or non responsiveness. Take it as you will, but to me it takes the humanity out of the lifestyle.

Someone took the time to like you. Sent you a message. And got ignored for it like non existence.

Sadly, these kinds of things are what drives a lot of new pet away from sites like this. I have been around this lifestyle a long time now and know to expect such behavior is to be expected in these places. Some of us also live a fet life elsewhere.

But my heart goes out to newbies and new people in these forums. Take heart. It’s not you. Some people are just about themselves.

So hang in there. It doesn’t get easier but it does get tolerable.

What’s everyone’s thoughts on this?
Officer_DaddyDom

Officer_DaddyDom

Posted
Yup, the “I don’t give care” mentality prevails in today’s day and age with lots of the people. People all too often ghost and avoid communication altogether because they can’t form a sentence let alone a profile that’s worth anyone’s time.
no****

no****

Posted
Hate it, experience it quite often, don't understand it really.

I mean, appearently it's even too much to click on the "No, thanks" button....

Yeah, the person, who did write you a message might not be your case. Maybe you think that person didn't give enough effort.

But that you don't know! The person could be an introvert which is scared to whatever.....

Be a nice human, be kind, remember your education, it's not that hard.
And you don't want to be on the receiving end, do you?

For the newbies: don't give up, that makes genuine answers more rewarding and is a good filter: do you really want to be in contact with someone who ghosts people?
6o****

6o****

Posted
Consider yourself lucky that the person revealed themselves to you so cheaply.
Bo****

Bo****

Posted
It’s about power. For you is a well thought message. For them is just another from literally hundreds of. If you are unlucky to be born without any power (financial or looks), good luck attracting people online. Im not even starting the difference in genders and power play. Man are only wanted for the *** and structure and women for the looks. Nobody truly wants a sub that’s a man if he get no *** and is a mess. Power is everything. Besides, a LOT of narcissistic horrible people take advantage of hurt people using kink to heal from trauma
Dr****

Dr****

Posted
As a neurospicy lady... I will say .. I have 100% answered a text in my head but never typed it out. Or have typed it out but then answered a call and then I got a notification for a game and then.. by the time I get back around to the messages... I'm almost...too nervous that the person waited too long and now hates me ... So I just ... Run.

I think ... We have to try to give grace to those who are just trying their best and don't take things personally. Even if I was ghosted for something I said, oh well. It wasn't meant to be... There are others out there. Feel your feelings as they are valid, but then, just , let them go.
ol****

ol****

Posted
If someone doesn’t respond, that means they aren’t interested. You can’t sit there and take every single one to heart. Most of the time the messages lack effort anyways. People just message “hey” and have nothing interesting today. Why am I going to bend over backwards to carry a conversation someone else started, when they are too lazy to show enough interest in me to even ask me simple questions? This is a bit of a ridiculous post to be honest.
What drives new people away from these sites are the creeps and the lack of effort, let’s be real.
Sa****

Sa****

Posted
Completely agree, you summed it up perfectly! If someone is being kind, curious, and sharing personal details the least one can do is say, "No thanks, not interested" It hardly takes a few seconds to type. I put this in the same category as ignoring homless individuals it takes away their humanity, a basic fundamental right to be seen.

One of the saddest things I saw was a homeless man crying and yelling loudly, "I'm not a ghost!" Even if you can't or don't want to help, at least acknowlede so.eone's exsistance. It can be a cold world we live in.
OB****

OB****

Posted

Personally, I think the viewpoint that you’re owed a response is just entitled as f*ck.
You’re not owed anything from the women on FET or any other platform.
You wrote a message.
She most likely got over 100 messages that day, and has a life and a job. If she got time to read it - and it didn’t speak to her, or your picture didn’t interest her - why would she respond? Why should she?
Put your big boy pants on and move on dude. She owes you nothing.

i1****

i1****

Posted
The only way this will change, is if people are ***d to reply, that they can't do anything else on a site such as this and other sites until they've responded. Even if it's a no thank you. I think this would stop a lot of fake profiles and scammers as well. But that's just my opinion.
Qu****

Qu****

Posted
There’s a never ending myriad of potential reasons why someone’s not responding; from falling asleep, to speaking to someone else and not seeing your notification, to being paranoid and reading too much into what you said and getting spooked.

Just move on to the next.
Ch****

Ch****

Posted
I would only consider ghosting as when you have built up some conversation, started something you consider potential. The few weeks of chatting then 'nothing' . If things arnt working on my side I always end the conversation so they know rather than stop replying
I often don't respond to someone sending me a first message because its either 'hey' , or completely not what im looking for.
ge****

ge****

Posted
The people that are "about themselves" are those that send blind messages to others *expecting* a response - it's entitled as anything!!
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No-one owes anyone a reply - it's not taking the humanity out of anything, it's not even ghosting!!
.
Think of it this way - you probably get leaflets and emails from your local pizza place or double glazing company - do you respond to each and every one of those saying "No thanks"? No you don't, in fact the only time you'll respond is if you're interested in the services on offer - this is no different.
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Then you have the thing where if someone responds with a polite no thanks, they're trusting they're not going to get a whiney or worse message back questioning why they're not interested.
.
I also find it interesting that all of the messages responding to your post and agreeing with you are from men.
.
Ultimately accept no response as a way of saying "not interested" and you won't go far wrong.
.
Better still send a message and forget you sent it and then IF you get a reply it'll be a pleasant surprise.
Ru****

Ru****

Posted
You are just as entitled if you expect an answer. Sometimes no answer is simply the best answer - especially if people receive lots of new messages regularly due to their profile and pictures attraction.

Having people being ***d to answer is one of the worst suggestions I've read in that context.
Ba****

Ba****

Posted
I'm going to add in here that sometimes I don't respond because of everything mentioned but I'll throw in that you're assuming the message sent is: 1) respectful, 2) kind, 3) not offensive as hell, 4) against my list of limits, 5) attacking.
ey****

ey****

Posted

I think the first irksome stuff is people conflated non-response (you sent a response and are sad you didn't get a reply) and ghosting (you were due to meet someone and they no-showed, or, you met and then found they'd blocked you everywhere or started ignoring you despite there being nothing that suggested it went anywhere other than well)

But yep.  We've all been there, deep breath. You see someone you think is awesome... you write what you feel is a good message.   Send.  You see the icon that is read.... then.... nothing

But, alas this is life. You'd emotionally hyped a connection that wasn't there. Your interest wasn't recipicated.   Whole long list of reasons why not, and why there wasn't a "thanks but no" but it sucks.  And... this is on you to deal with.  

If your processs is one of anger, frustration or even feeling they should (so, entitlement) then these are all red flags in themselves.  Disappointment, sure. But like - take a few days and dust down.  

Oz****

Oz****

Posted
Yeah I got recommended to site an I've gotten likes sent messages an never a response I try to find a new place an still nothing

Deleted Member

Posted
Well, I am one of those who would not respond,
and there is a reason why, sometimes even a few 🙈

I can handle the amount of messages, but the quality of them, it's a different type of disappointment

Have a look at my DM, and see what you would reply then in the first message I am asked to sit on somebody's face 🤷‍♀️
Charlie-7800

Charlie-7800

Posted
It does get wearing when it happens again and again but look at the number of messages some women get on here! It'd be a full time job replying. Reminding myself of that is how I cope anyway.
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